Things I Forgot at Birth
by sassysavvyo
Summary: A sequel to, A Rush of Blood to the Head. "There are two tragedies in life; One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it." - George Bernard Shaw
1. Chapter One

Firstly, you all ROCK. Thanks for being so supportive of my stories and just everything. I love you all. I am so excited about this. I'm going to bring in a few more character and go in-depth with a few other's I barely did with A Rush of Blood to the Head. I highly recommend reading and finishing that before starting this one or else you might be a bit confused. I hope you enjoy the first chapter! Way more to come and a lot that I'm certain you'll all be excited about. Happy reading.

* * *

**Things I Forgot at Birth**

Chapter One - Welcome Home by _Radical Face_

**All my nightmares escape my head.**  
**Bar the door, please don't let them in.**  
**You were never supposed to leave.**  
**Now my head's splitting at the seams.**

If Clay James could pick his favorite thing in the world, it would be that fact he was able to see the beautiful smile from his wife. On that warm August day, he found himself staring at the back of her head as she worked in the garden they had made only a few weeks ago. Her blonde hair looked like it was cut into a short pixie-cut when in reality, his wife had entered remission for Leukemia exactly twenty-two days ago. He never felt this happy before. He was sitting on the small porch he had finished just two days ago. They lived in a small house in Tree Hill and he found himself falling more and more in love with his wife as the days passed.

"I think you need to get your eyes checked." Lindsey James said softly as she walked up the short stairs and toward her husband. She placed two tomatoes and a cucumber onto the table that separated them both. She watched the confusion spread over her face and she felt herself smile more. She walked over and placed her arms around his neck. "You keep staring at me."

Clay smirked as he brought his hands to rub her forearms. "I can't help but stare at my beautiful wife."

"Uh-huh." Lindsey muttered as she leaned in and kissed her husband. Sure, she loved books, sports and a good song but nothing compared to the feeling of her husband's lips against hers. She didn't think she would ever get over it. She slowly pulled away but kept her arms where they were. "Is she up yet?"

Clay let out a small sigh as he looked past his wife for a moment and then returned to look at her. He shook his head and tightened the hold on her arms. "I don't know what to do."

Lindsey tried to muster up a smile but she knew it failed. She leaned and kissed his forehead before she stood up and headed into the house. Their house was a small two story. The first floor held a small kitchen that was connected to the small dining room. The living room was at the front of the house and had a small bathroom attached to it. Upstairs held two bedrooms with bathrooms and a small study. Lindsey walked up the stairs and slowly opened the door to the room at the end of the hall.

The room was dark. Mostly because of the closed curtains and a blanket over them to shield out any light. She tip-toed towards the window and quickly threw off the blanket and snapped open the curtains. She heard a loud moan when she turned toward the bed. She saw the dyed black hair peek out from the white comforter. She made her way toward it and pulled that off quickly as well. "Time to get up."

"Go away."

Lindsey smiled as she shook her head. She brought her hands down on top of the mattress and pushed up and down as quickly as she could. "Up, up, up."

"It's too early."

Lindsey stopped pushing on the mattress and looked at the iHome on the end-table. She swallowed a sigh and stood up straight. "It's almost two." She heard another loud moan. "Haley, come on."

Haley James bit her lower lip from under the comforter before throwing it off and sitting up in the bed. She blinked her eyes a few times as they grew adjusted to the light. She brought hand to her hair and shook out the tangles. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize the time." She let out a small yawn as she let go of her hair and stretched. She glanced at the vanity across from her and took in her appearance. Her hair was longer than the end of last year but it was now a dark black. She had re-pierced her nose as well. "Do you need any help?"

Lindsey shook her head as she glanced at Haley and mustered up a smile. She was used to this routine. Haley wouldn't wake up until late in the afternoon, eat, help a bit around the house, go to work, go for a run, shower and return back to bed. She wasn't sure if Haley was ever awake for longer than ten hours. She looked around the room and noticed that it was kept tidy but it wasn't at the same time. The walls were covered in a few newspaper clippings, posters or poorly done sketches. Lindsey found her eyes wander toward the postcards in the trashcan by the door. "Clay was going to head to the hardware store to get some paint. He'd probably like if you tagged along."

Haley weakly nodded as she threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. She watched as Lindsey smiled once more before disappearing out of the room. She walked toward her closet and reached in and grabbed a pair of shorts and a pastel pink tank-top. She quickly changed and walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth and put her hair into a braid. She didn't bother looking at herself. She didn't want to see. She made her way down the stairs and saw her brother standing over the kitchen sink. "Hey."

Clay turned around and smiled at her. "Well you're up- early."

Haley remained silent as she reached into the fridge and pulled out a water-bottle. She took a long drink before she placed the bottle onto the table. Lindsey had made the house so homey. All the walls were decorated and painted. At first the dark red kitchen disgusted her but now she found herself in love with it. "So, you have to go to the hardware store?"

Clay nodded. "I'm painting the deck."

Haley reached for an apple and bit into it. She rarely ate but when she did, she didn't feel anything sitting in her stomach. It felt empty just like the rest of her did. She followed her brother outside and the two slowly fell into step as they walked to the hardware store that was only a few blocks down. She loved Tree Hill but especially in the summer. Everything was in bloom and the massive trees covered the sidewalks. She placed her hands into her pockets as she heard Clay whistle quietly beside her. Her brother and her had talked about the woman claiming to be their mother but only a few times. Sure, she was upset Clay had kept it from her but after they talked she realized why he had. Looking at Clay when he smiled or laughed, she saw traces of the woman in the wrinkles of his skin. She shook her head.

"What's wrong?" Clay asked quietly as he watched his sister toss something around in her head. She rarely talked, not that she often did before.

Haley felt a lot of things were wrong. She felt wrong or maybe she felt tilted. Yes, tilted was a good word. Her life was flipped and she couldn't understand how to get it back to what it was. She didn't talk to anyone except Lindsey, Clay and her mother. She hadn't told her mother about Ellie Harp. She wondered when she should, if she should. "I go back to school tomorrow."

"Yeah." Clay mumbled as he stuffed his hands into his jeans as well. "How are you feeling about it?" Clay wished he could be in college. He was taking online classes to still get his high school degree. His wife however was commuting to school; he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Haley bit the inside of her mouth. "I'm not sure. I signed up to be roommates with Brooke right after spring break."

"Have you-."

"No."

They fell back into silence but they had reached their destination. Clay walked into the store like it was his own and found his wood stain. He also bought sunflower seeds to plant for Lindsey; they were her favorite. He quickly paid and fell back into step with his sister as they headed back toward the house. When they were about halfway home, Clay spoke. "Can I talk to you about something?"

Haley turned her head as she looked at the serious expression on her brother's face as he looked down at the ground and walked down the sidewalk. "Always."

Clay let out a shaky breath as he glanced at his sister and then back toward the ground. "You can't say anything, okay?" He saw her nod from the corner of his eye. He gulped and held on tightly to the plastic bag in his hand. "Lindsey wants to have a baby."

Haley froze and watched as her brother slowly did the same. "Is that even safe for her?"

Clay gave a shrug. The thoughts have been utterly terrifying. "There's always a risk for pregnancy but she has a higher risk. I don't know."

Haley looked at her brother as he started to walk again. She followed him as she nibbled on a fingernail. "How do you feel about it?"

"I have no idea. I'm scared as hell but at the same time I want nothing more than to have a baby with her. I just don't want to lose her and a - I don't know."

Haley tried to keep up with her brother. He seemed to speed up as he talked. "When did she talk to you about it?"

"A few days ago."

Haley watched as her brother walked up the few steps towards his home and sighed before he entered it. She remained standing on the sidewalk. She thought about what he had said and bit her lip. Lindsey was feeling well, that was both evident and clear but she wasn't sure that a baby would solve anything, well at least not right now. With a shake of her head, she realized that was not her decision to make. She made her way up the short amount of steps and walked into the small house. The smell of fresh linens filled her nose. She walked towards the kitchen and saw Lindsey sitting at the table folding laundry with a smile on her face. "Hey."

Lindsey looked up and smiled brighter. "Well hey." She folded the towel and placed it into her lap. "Do you have everything for school?"

Haley wanted to laugh at how motherly Lindsey sounded. She was only a year older than her but she appeared to be at least ten. She shrugged as she pulled out a chair and sunk herself into it. "I just need toiletries, school supplies and whatever."

Lindsey smiled as she looked into her lap and reached over to place the towel into the laundry bag right next to her. "We can do that tomorrow before you go, if you want."

Haley's eyes widened. "You don't have to take me."

"Well, I want too." Lindsey said softly as she looked over at Haley. She had made it so far only to slump back into the old version of herself. She didn't know how many phone calls she had received only to have Haley hang-up once she heard the voice on the opposite end. She bit her bottom lip as she reached to scratch the top of her head. "But if you don't want too, that is fine as well."

Haley sighed softly to herself as she found her fingers tapping against the table. She had gotten a job that summer but at the poorly paid ice-cream stand. She was purely living on her brother and Lindsey. She felt so needy but so selfish at the same time. "You've done enough for me, I'm the one who owes you."

Lindsey reached across the table to grab Haley's hand but at the second before, Haley retracted her hand. Lindsey brought her hand back to her lap. "Well, we're family. So, I'm always going to try and help you the best way I can."

Haley nodded as she glanced at Lindsey once more. She quickly stood up and stretched. "I think I'm going to go for a run."

Before Lindsey could reply, Haley had already left the room.

* * *

Brooke Davis was exhausted. She glanced at the clock in her overly sized dining room and felt her eyes grow more tired. The clock read that it was a little after ten o'clock. Her father was supposed to pick her up for dinner at five. She debated if she should head up to her room or join the nightlife that was surely going on outside. She chose the latter. She walked past the family maid and tried to shrug off the sympathetic glances but it was no use. She went up the stairs and toward her room. She felt so nostalgic standing there. Her overly sized room that over looked Central Park. She went to her window and closed the curtain.

Her summer was lonely. Sure, she would go and be apart of the nightlife but nothing that was memorable stuck out to her. She saw people she had forgotten about after her first year of college. She mingled, kept up appearances but she couldn't shake the feeling in her stomach of being torn.

The last words her best friend spoke to her were, '_I can't trust you after this.'_ She didn't know how many times she played that moment over and over in her head. She sure as hell tried to talk to her after but she received the silent treatment. The day they were both supposed to leave for summer together, she had walked into an empty room. No note. No roommate. No best friend.

She went to her vanity and unclasped her Tiffany's bracelet that hung from her wrist. She wondered what gift she would get this time from her father. He was always the, here's a gift, now forget what I did wrong, kinda guy. She reached behind her and unclasped her hair. It fell just a bit over her shoulders. She glanced at herself and realized that she didn't like the face staring back at her, she didn't like it at all. She brought her hand to the mirror and before another thought could rise, her phone rang. She shook her head as she reached for her iPhone and accepted the call. "Hello?" She felt a smile reach her ears as she heard the opposite voice on the end. "Wait, what?" She held the phone to her shoulder as she opened her bedroom door and quickly ran down the stairs and past the family maid. She threw open the front door and felt herself grow weak in the knees. She threw herself against the body in front of her. "What are you doing here?"

Julian Baker placed his iPhone into his pocket as he wrapped his arms around his girlfriend. He had gotten back from studying abroad exactly twenty-one hours and fifteen minutes ago but he couldn't stand another moment without seeing her. He quickly connected his lips to hers and almost sighed at the contact. After he pulled away he watched the enormous grin remain on her face. "I missed you."

Brooke let out a small laugh as she kept her body close to his. Her arms were still wrapped around him and she couldn't imagine anything else. "I missed you a little."

Julian tilted his head but kept a sly grin on his face. "Just a little?" He watched his girlfriend nod in a cute way that seemed almost childish. He pulled away but she made a soft grunt and kept her arms where they were. "I think you missed me more than 'just a little'."

Brooke brought her arms tighter around them and placed her head into the crook of his neck. "I think you're right." She placed a small kiss behind his ear before she pulled away. "Not that I'm not loving this right now but what are you doing here? How are you here?"

Julian shrugged as he watched Brooke close the door before him. "I wanted to see you."

"I'm going to be at school tomorrow. Where you live, might I add."

Julian shrugged again. "I thought you'd like someone to travel with."

Brooke's heart swarmed at that. Less than ten minutes ago she was waiting for someone who would always abandon her and here she was, standing before a man who wanted nothing more than to be with her. She reached for Julian's bag, much to his protest, and headed back upstairs to her room. Once she placed his bag onto her bed she turned to see him run toward the window with a huge smile. "You've been to New York before and you still act like it's the most beautiful thing in the world."

"Nah, the most beautiful thing in the world is standing next to me." Julian said before he slowly turned to face her. "I just can't believe you live here."

Brooke made her way to the window and peered out as well. "You know, it's funny because there are over eight million people here and I've felt completely alone until now."

Julian turned to face her as he watched her look out at the window. "Well, you'll be back at school tomorrow. Back to doing something you love with the people you love." Brooke let out a sarcastic laugh. "What?"

"Haley hates me, Julian." Brooke folded her arms across her chest as she walked over to sit onto her bed. "I can only dread tomorrow." She pouted before she pathetically fell back onto her bed. She felt the bed dip next to her and felt Julian place his arm over her waist as he kissed her neck.

Julian pulled away and watched Brooke turn so she faced him. He kept his hand on her hip and traced her skin with his fingers. "Sill haven't heard from her?"

"No. I call once a week. Send letters, postcards. Nothing." She bit her lip. "Do you think she tried to get a new roommate?"

Julian took a moment before he reached over and placed a kiss onto her forehead. He pulled away but Brooke wiggled her way into his embrace and settled her head into his chest. "Haley is just..Haley. She'll come around."

"Do you really think so?" Brooke said softly as she noticed Julian turn off the lamp next to her bed; filling the room with darkness.

"If there is anything I know, no one can hate Brooke Davis. Even if they tried."

* * *

Nathan Scott's legs felt sore. He heard his alarm going off from beside him but he waited another second before reaching over and turning it off. It was a little after nine in the morning. His routine was the same. Sleep, shower, pre-workout, eat, work-out, eat, post-workout, shower and sleep. He sometimes threw in the occasional party but that was unlikely. He had moved into his new apartment less than a week ago and for the most part, he loved it. He had worked a High Flyers all summer and instead of returning home, he just went straight to school. His mother had come up last night to bring some food and mostly clean the apartment. He had missed her more than he put on.

He gave a weak yawn as he threw off the covers and headed into the bathroom. He flicked the light on and saw his reflection come into view. His hair was shaved right to his scalp and his skin was still lightly tanned from the beaches of Florida. He brought a heavy hand to his face and yawned once more before he started getting ready for the day.

He didn't allow any distractions. He didn't need any this year. This year was the year he was either going to make it in basketball or be done. Being a junior in college and still not being recognized by the NBA was something to lower someone's expectations. However, Nathan was going to bring this season the best year they've had yet.

After his shower he headed toward the kitchen and saw his three roommates, Chase Adams, Quentin Fields and Jake Jagielski, still awake. "You guys still haven't slept?"

Jake was the only one to tear his eyes away from the screen. "You realize we got to a new level in Black Ops, right?"

Nathan shook his head. He didn't have time for video games. "If you guys spent more time in the gym as you doing playing stupid games, maybe we'd actually get somewhere this year."

Quentin paused the game and stood up. His temper was just as bad as Nathan's. "We did get somewhere last year."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." Nathan muttered as he opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs. He heard them sigh behind him before they continued their game. Nathan placed the eggs into the frying pan and watched them sizzle. He quickly finished his breakfast before he went back into his room and put on his tennis shoes. He didn't bother saying goodbye before he left.

He took the familiar route. He ran across campus twice and up a few backstreets around his apartment. He usually never listened to music on his morning runs. He would just listen to the sounds offered to him. The chirping of birds, the huff of wind off the coast or even the waves falling onto the shore. This calmed him. This was something he looked forward too. He had forgotten that today was when upperclassmen came back to school. He shook his head at the thought. Right as he was about to turn, his body collided with another. He reached out his hands but failed at gathering the body before it hit the ground. Her blonde hair was all over the place and she managed to swear at him at least ten times in the span of four seconds. "I'm sorry." He said this softly as he offered a hand, she denied it.

"Yeah, whatever."

Nathan's eyebrows shot up at that. The girl brushed over her knees as she stood straight up. Her hair was big and curly and Nathan found himself staring at a curl that had attached itself to a cut on her cheek. "Shit."

"What?"

Nathan shook his head as he tried to catch his breath as he pointed to her face. "You cut yourself up pretty bad."

"I think you mean, you caused me to cut myself pretty bad." She glared at him as she reached and touched her face. She pulled her hand back and saw a deep circle of red. "Awesome."

"Look, I said I was sorry."

She looked at him as she dropped her hand to her side. She nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm all over the place. I'm a transfer"

Nathan realized her mood had shifted quite quickly. That annoyed him. "It's fine. I'm sorry for bumping into you." He forced a smile as he started to turn around.

"Wait! Can you help me?"

Nathan looked back at her and the cut on her face and knee. He sighed. "Yeah sure-." He dragged it out as he glanced at her.

"Oh. Peyton." She stuck out her hand but didn't smile. "Peyton Sawyer."

* * *

"So do you have everything?" Haley wanted to roll her eyes but she forced herself no too. She looked at the large dorm building from her spot in her brother's truck. She had only a few boxes and bags but her brother made it seem like she was moving to China.

"I think so." Haley muttered as she reached for the handle and pulled the door open. She kept her eyes on the building for another second before she turned to face the back of the truck. Clay had already started pulling out bags. She reached in and pulled out a few herself. She made her way into the lobby of the dorm building and quickly checked in. As they rode the elevator to the fourth floor, she realized she had forgotten to ask if her roommate was already there. She hoped she wasn't.

She walked toward the door and saw her name splatter across in in a graffiti style. She checked the handle, it was locked. She tried to make herself not smile but she was certain she had briefly. She placed her key into the door and opened it.

Her room this year was a suite set-up. She shared a living area with her roommate which held a small kitchen as well and they had their own rooms. Haley was grateful for that. She walked down the small hallway and peeked into both rooms. She decided the one facing the courtyard would be hers. She placed her bags onto her bed and watched as Clay did the same.

"This is nice." Clay said with a smile as he plopped himself onto her bed. "Your own room. Pretttay, cool." He tried to make Haley smile but she didn't. He sat up as he watched her open the closet door and nod. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah." Haley added a few second later as she placed her hands into her pockets. "I can have a roommate without actually seeing her."

"Haley.." He was cut off with a shrug and a weak shoulder roll to suggest to follow her. They made four trips to the truck to get her things but they rarely spoke except for the occasional, 'I can get that' or 'Is this too heavy?'.

Haley placed her last box onto her bed and turned to face her brother. "You don't have to stay."

Clay placed his hands into his pockets. "Okay." He gave a long stare at his sister. "Are you going to be okay?"

Before Haley could answer, she heard the front door open. She glanced at Clay with wide eyes and watched as he headed down the hallway. She slowly followed. In all her glory, Brooke Davis entered the room was her designer bags in tow. Haley almost rolled her eyes at the sight. She brought her hands across her chest and stared at her.

Clay looked between the two girls and almost sighed in relief when he saw Julian make his way behind Brooke. "Hey man, anymore boxes outside?"

Julian looked at the scene between Brooke and Haley and quickly nodded. The two boys looked at each other and the two girls before quickly leaving the room.

Haley watched as Brooke slowly tore off her sunglasses and gave a weak smile. She had been dreading this day all summer. She had called residence life every week but they were unable to give her a new room due to the heavy amount of incoming freshmen this year. She wanted to bite her own arm off.

Brooke gulped once more before she allowed herself to take in their suite. It came furnished and much to her surprise, it was nice. The small kitchen had a table and also and island with wooden stools. The living room had a coffee table, two blue couches and a TV stand. She focused her attention back onto Haley. "Look I-." She stopped when Haley started shaking her head. "I didn't even say anything."

"Look, we're roommates. We are roommates, not friends. We live together and we can share food but that's all I'm sharing with you."

Brooke nodded as she took in Haley's words. She didn't really expect a welcoming hug even though she imagined one. "Which room is mine?"

Haley nodded her head to the door to her left. She glanced at Brooke for another moment before she turned around and headed back into her own room.

Brooke watched Haley shut her door before she released a breath she didn't know she was holding. Within another minute, Clay and Julian appeared back into the doorway. She looked at the and shook her head. "Well, your sister officially hates me."

Clay walked into the room and shook his head. "You know Haley. Would she act this way about someone she didn't care about?" He gave Brooke's shoulder a soft nudge before he turned and headed down the hallway to the closed room.

Brooke turned to Julian and lifted up her shoulders before lowering them back down. "As if things couldn't be worse."

Another body appeared in the doorway and smirked. "Well hey there, B. Davis."

Brooke looked behind her boyfriend and saw her former childhood best friend, Peyton Sawyer, standing in the doorway of her room. "I literally should have not spoken today." She narrowed her eyes. "What are you even doing here, Peyton?" She hissed the name out as she stepped around Julian.

"Wait you guys know each other?" Julian's question remained unanswered.

"Going to school."

"Really? At UNC? You said this was going to be the biggest regret of my life." Brooke placed her hands on her hips as she continued to glare.

Peyton shrugged as she leaned against the doorframe. "Maybe I just like making your life miserable." She received a deeper glare. "Okay, that was a joke."

"Well take your stupid jokes and your skinny ass out of my room!" Peyton shook her head and offered a lazy smile as she walked out the room and into the one directly across the hall. She turned in the doorway and grinned at Brooke before shutting the door. Brooke turned to Julian and gave out a soft scream. "I hate her!"

"You just met her..?"

Brooke rolled her eyes. "I have a roommate slash best friend who hates me and I have a spawn of the devil across the hall. My life is awesome. Should I send you a postcard from hell?" She gave a weak pout but felt better once Julian wrapped his arms around her.

"It's going to be okay."

"Says the guy who is living by himself in an apartment." Brooke pulled away with a gleam in her eye. "How about I live with you?"

Julian smiled down at her. "Well one, you can't and two, gross. I can't live with a girl." He smiled at her jokingly before he reached down and kissed the top of her head. "It's all going to be okay. I promise."

Brooke let out a soft huff as she glanced around the room. It sure was going to be something.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two - Gone, Gone, Gone by _Phillip Phillips _

**I'll love you long after you're gone. **

Brooke woke up when the light peeked from behind her curtain covered windows. She let out a soft yawn as she reached her arms above her head and stretched. She glanced at the clock next to her bed and realized she had been asleep for a little over three hours. She let out a groan. She had unpacked all her things and took her time putting them away. She left her door open but her roommate didn't emerge from her room.

Brooke found herself exhausted but awake at the same time. She heard her alarm clock slowly start buzzing from beside her and she felt another groan escape her throat. She reached over and stopped it before it filled up the room more. She threw her legs over the side of her bed and slowly stood up. Today was her first day of classes as a college sophomore. She slowly walked around her room and peeked to see if her roommates door would open. She decided to wear a denim skirt with a white shirt tucked into it. She wore red flats and she decided it was enough of a pop. She placed her hair curled down and she added a light amount of make-up. She did a small grin and kicked her foot as she walked out of her room.

She walked to the kitchen and started to brew coffee. The smell warmed her nostrils and she found herself inhaling the scent. The clock above the stove read that it was almost eight o'clock. She bit her lip before she poured her coffee into a traveling mug and reached for her bag. She debated in her head what action she should take but she went with her heart anyway. She made her way to the closed door and knocked onto it softly. There wasn't a response. She bit her lip once more before she placed her hand onto the handle and pushed it open.

The room had no occupant but it was heavily decorated. Brooke could tell it who's room it was the moment she stepped into it. The walls were covered with band posters and it was organized but messy at the same time. A record player sat in the corner with two milk crates full of records next to it. A guitar was laying across a desk. The old bedspread was replaced with a gray one. She wondered how old it was. She shook her head before she walked out the room and closed the door behind her.

"What are you doing?"

Brooke jumped and placed a hand over her heart. "Jesus, Haley." She exhaled dramatically as she felt her pulse slow down. "You scared the crap out of me."

Haley nodded as she went to fix the bun that she had placed onto her head only a half-hour before. "Sorry. Did you need something?"

Brooke was surprised by this. She searched her brain for words and wasn't surprised when she was answered with nothing. She was nervous but not about classes. She was nervous about Haley and their friendship. The girl was her best friend but she didn't feel like it was mutual. Well, she knew at the moment it wasn't mutual. "I was just wondering where you were."

"Oh." Haley mumbled as she turned her body and opened the fridge. She was surprised it was full. She reached for her water bottle and turned back to Brooke. "I went for a run and to ask Max if I could work at the shop."

Brooke looked at the clock on the stove again and saw it was eight-ten. She had twenty minutes to get across campus but she didn't want Haley to stop talking to her. "That's cool."

"Yeah. Peyton was there." Haley said after she took a sip of water. "I didn't know she was going here."

Brooke didn't hide her eye roll. "Yeah me either." She watched as Haley nodded as she continued to drink her water. "Look, Haley-."

"Don't you have class or something?" Haley offered in a surprised tone. She didn't sound angry but she didn't sound happy either. She watched as Brooke nodded to her before she quickly gathered her things and walked out the door.

* * *

"So how the in the hell do you manage to find a good work-out in and still be awake before eight?" Quentin muttered as he walked into the kitchen to see Nathan making a protein shake in the blender. His reply was a smirk and the sound of the blades wiping around in the blender.

Nathan quickly emptied the shake into his glass and quickly slurped it down. He wiped his mouth and placed the cup into the sink. He turned to see Quentin sit down at the island and pour himself a bowl of cereal. "When do you have class?"

Quentin brought the spoon to his mouth and grinned. "I don't."

Nathan shook his head but continued to smirk. "You lucky son-of-a-bitch."

"Don't talk about my ma that way." Quentin chipped but still grinned. He brought another spoonful to his mouth as he watched Nathan go around the kitchen. "What classes do you have today?"

Nathan shrugged as he placed a water bottle into the side of his book-bag. "Macroeconomics and pop-culture."

"Your white ass in pop-culture? That's something I wanna see."

Nathan tried to glare at Quentin but the only thing that appeared on his face was a smile. He muttered a goodbye and quickly headed toward his first class. He wasn't sure how he felt about having pop-culture so early in the morning, especially the first class of the day on Monday's. He was happy he didn't have to buy a book though. His Econ classes were enough. He shook his head as he walked down the side-walk toward campus. Their apartment was a good ten minutes away but Nathan liked the walk.

He liked campus at the beginning of the year. Everything was in full bloom and the excitement of incoming freshmen made it seem livelier. The campus was big but not too big. There were still buildings he never went in. Like the music building or the art building. Otherwise, he pretty much knew campus like the back of his hand.

He walked towards McMacken Hall and looked at his syllabus on his phone. Room 102. He nodded his head as he opened the door and held it open for the girls behind him. He followed them in shortly and made his way toward the classroom. It was a decent sized class. He assumed it was at least able to fit fifty students. He placed himself in the front row and pulled out his computer. He heard the room fill up but he didn't really pay attention. He watched as a decently sized man walk in and stand in the front of class.

"Good-morning and welcome back or just welcome. My name is Mr. Maguire and I will be your professor for pop-culture 101." Nathan watched as he pulled out stacks of papers and began handing them out. "I'm gonna call roll, so just raise your hand when you hear your name...Ashley Bennet..Tony Carter.." Nathan just exhaled as he got his syllabus and handed them to the people behind him. He reached for his water bottle and took a sip. "Haley James?" Nathan spit out the water in his mouth as he turned his head to watch a small hand from the back row. The professor gave him a weird look but he just shook it off.

Did she notice he was in the room? What if she hadn't? God, he thought about her everyday. She consumed him. He felt himself physically ache for her but clearly she didn't feel the same. He bet it was his karma for mis-treating so many girls back in the day but Haley James wasn't an ordinary girl. She wasn't ordinary at all. "Nathan Scott?" He raised his hand and slowly lowered it back down. He wondered if he should turn his head but he decided against it. He listened to the lecture go on for another half-hour before the professor dismissed the class. Nathan packed up his computer and slowly stood up. That's when he saw her.

She stared right at him but her face was expressionless. Her hair was a dark brown and he could see the sparkle from a nose-ring placed into her nose. She looked thin. Not that she ever wasn't small but she seemed even smaller. She was wearing green shirts with a white tank-top. God, he wanted to touch her. She looked at him for another moment before turning and walked out of the classroom the opposite way that he was headed. He didn't know what to feel or what to think. He shook his head mostly to himself at his own antics.

Figure, out of everyone in the world the only one to make him feel something and nothing at the same time was her. He knew she spent the summer with his best friend and his best friend's husband was her brother so who else would she stay with. He wondered why she didn't go to New York.

He needed to stop thinking about her.

He knew that but like venom she sipped in and he couldn't shake her out. She was something that weakened him but strengthened him at the same time. She was like a drug. A sweet, deadly drug.

* * *

"CLAY!"

Clay bolted upright as he heard his name screamed once again. He quickly stood up from the bed and ran into the bathroom down the hallway. After working on the deck all afternoon, he found himself asleep a little after noon that day. His eyes were still foggy as he stumbled into the bathroom. His wife was standing straight up. That was a good thing, right? "What's wrong?" She turned to him with a smile even though there were tears in her eyes. "Lindsey?"

Lindsey gently wiped her cheek as she cried. She held the plastic test in her hands and looked at her husband. "It's positive."

Clay's eyes widened. "Uh-I-uh-um why? How?"

"How?" Lindsey questioned as she narrowed her eyebrows. She knew Clay was worried and scared but she wanted a baby more than anything. She was in love with a man that made her feel on-top of the world and she was so excited to be sharing this with him. "Did you not pay attention in health class?"

Clay shook his head as he brought a hand over his face. "I- not how." He stumbled over more words as he looked at her. "Linds, don't get your hopes up. It's just a take home-."

"It says ninety-eight percent results." She looked at him and then back at the test in her hands. She only took it three minutes ago but she didn't even hesitate to call for her husband after she saw the positive-plus sign. Now, she found herself wishing she thought about it more. "Clay, I want this."

"I know you do." Clay said calmly as he went to sit on the toilet. He brought a hand through his hair as he watched Lindsey place the test onto the sink and lean against. "And I want this too-."

"Then what is the problem?"

Clay looked at her and felt his heart swarm in his chest. He didn't think he could love someone so much but he did. He found something that gave him that natural high that he never thought he would actually experience. He worried so much about her. He loved her with everything in his being. He looked at her and saw the small bird necklace he made her hang from her neck. "You just got into remission, Lindsey. This could- this could end bad. I could lose you and I could lose-." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"I want this, Clay."

Clay stood up. "I get that and I want that too but I want you more than that. You alive is what I want."

"I'm not going to live forever, Clay! People die." She spoke this part somewhat harshly as she looked over at him. She watched him close his eyes and clench his fists. He never raised his voice at her. He never yelled at her. He was the perfect husband. "I didn't mean to yell."

"I know."

"I just. I really want this baby, Clay." She walked and closed the small distance between them. She placed her arms around his neck but his remained at his side. "And we barely had to even try. I'd say we made a pretty good team." She tried to make him smile but his face remained still. "Clay?"

Clay brought his hands to her arms wrapped around his neck and pulled them gently so they fell to her own side. "I need anther opinion."

"Clay, seriously? It's my body." Lindsey narrowed her eyes at him again. "Let me have this."

"I'm not letting you have this baby if it ends up killing you, Lindsey."

"Why are you doing this?" Lindsey whispered as they stood before another. She could feel his short breath on her face. He was nervous. She knew him well enough to know he was. She was too but she was also excited. Her insides swarmed with love, fear and excitement all at once.

"Because I love you!" Clay shouted. His shoulders shuddered as he heard his voice roar off the walls. "The thought of losing you terrifies me. Don't you get that? You're everything, Lindsey. If you're not on this planet I don't see why I should be."

"This isn't all about you, Clay!"

Clay narrowed his eyebrows at her. "I know this isn't all about me! I never said it was!"

"Yeah, whatever." Clay shook his head as he looked at her and then made his way out of the bathroom. Lindsey's eyes widened as she followed him out, only to see him walking toward the front door. "Where are you going?"

"Out."

* * *

"Great. Just friggin' great." Brooke mumbled to herself as she went to reach for her room key which had fallen out of her bag. She didn't have the best first day. She was taking eighteen credit hours and she immediately started regretting it. She was taking a design class, a color theory class, Econ, Biology, Spanish three and Brit Lit. She only had three classes today but three was enough. She stood up with a sigh but as she placed her key into her door, she heard a familiar voice. She listened further and shook her head.

"I'll will definitely have to listen to them, thanks!"

Brooke turned more as she watched her boyfriend walk out of the door across from hers. She narrowed her eyes as she watched him and a curly blonde come into view. "What are you doing?"

Julian's eyes widened as he held onto the CD tightly in his hands. He looked at his girlfriend and turned to the girl behind him. He gulped. "I didn't know when you were gettin-."

"Not you." Brooke exclaimed as she pointed behind her blushing boyfriend. "You. What are you doing, Peyton?"

Peyton rolled her eyes as she propped herself against her door-frame. "Having hot sex with your boyfriend."

Julian's eyes widened. "No- we-no- what?"

Brooke shook her head as she glared at the blonde. "You're so mature." She turned to her boyfriend and gave him a look before she went to face her own door. She unlocked it and quickly made her way inside. She didn't hear it shut until a few moments later.

"I'm really sorry." Julian started as he placed the CD onto the counter. "I was just looking for you and she asked me if I had the new_ Lydia_ album and you know how I am with- what's wrong?" He watched as Brooke sank onto the couch and leaned her head against the wall as she closed her eyes. "I won't talk to her again."

Brooke opened one eye and gave out a small noise. "I'm not going to tell you who you can and cannot talk too, Julian."

"I don't want to talk to someone if it upsets you." He debated for a second if he should take the seat next to her. He did. "How was your first day?"

Brooke looked over at him as she shrugged off her shoes. She brought her bottom lip between her teeth and leaned over to rest her head against his shoulder. "It was horrible. I can't do this." She pressed her head into his neck and felt him adjust to her new position.

"Now, that's not the Brooke Davis I know." Julian offered quietly as he pushed a few strands of hair off her face. He smirked as he felt her move more into him. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I believe in you."

"I think you're the only one."

"Hey," Julian whispered as he pulled her up so she could look directly at him. "You're so beautiful." He watched as she smiled to herself as she looked down at her lap. "You have my whole heart, Brooke Davis. So if you say you fail, I think that means I fail too."

Brooke let out a small exhale. He always knew what to say. How did he manage that? "How did I get so lucky with you? I don't des-." Julian's finger was pressed against her mouth.

"None of that."

She felt his finger leave her mouth and she felt alone. He barely touched her and the absence of him left her longing for it. "How was your first day?"

"It was okay."

"Just okay?" Brooke said softly as she snuggled back into his side. He smelled like Old Spice and summer at the same time. "You were really excited for your photography class."

Julian brought his hand to go up and down her back. He lifted his own feet and placed them on the small coffee table. "I guess I'm having my own doubts."

Brooke looked up at him but remained into his side. "Do I need to give you the speech?"

Julian smirked as he shook his head. He looked down at her and brought his lips to hers. He surely needed that to feel better. After he pulled away he held her closer. "I just need you to stay."

* * *

Haley panted as she pulled open the door and looked around the small tavern. It was dark and it smelled so musky that she thought she could fall over. She rolled her eyes as the men at the bar turned to take in her appearance. She walked past them as she headed toward the small booth in the back. She shrugged off her messenger bag and threw it into the booth as she slid into it. "What's going on?"

Clay looked up as he looked into the eyes that matched his own. He wondered if in some weird twin way, his sister already knew what was wrong. Doubtful. He played with the bottle in front of him once more before he pushed it more in her direction. "You're gonna need this."

"What?" Haley was still panting. After her Literature class, she had gotten a call from her brother and by the sound of it, he didn't sound well. By the looks of it, he didn't seem well either. "What is going on? You call me and tell me to meet you at this bar and-."

"Lindsey's pregnant."

Haley's eyes widened as she looked at her brother with a confused expression. He only nodded again. She took the bottle in front of her and took a long swig. She set it back and swallowed. "I thought you said she wanted to just start trying-."

"Yeah I thought too." Clay muttered as he brought the bottle back toward him. He couldn't make himself take a drink. He was stronger than that. He wasn't even sure why of all places he ended up here. He hated himself for it. He played with the bottle between his hands. He looked back up at his sister but she seemed in her own world as well. "What's going through your head?"

"I have a class with Nathan."

Clay's eyes widened at that. "Nathan? As in Nathan Scott?"

Haley rolled her eyes as she took the bottle from Clay's hand and took another swig. "That would be the one. He just stared at me like he hated me so I bolted."

"Wow. Are you okay?"

Haley looked her brother directly in the eye. "Are you?"

"I'm scared shitless." Clay finally said as he seemed to take a gulp of air. He wasn't even sure how he was breathing. "I can't lose her."

"How do you know you would?"

He didn't really know. He was told in books. He was mentioned to it by his wife's doctor. They always said slight risk but that was enough to freak him out. He wasn't even twenty years old. "I guess I don't."

Haley nodded as she started picking at the table. "It's kinda sad."

"What is?"

Haley gave a weak shrug as she continued to let her fingers dance across the table. "We always assume the worst. It's in our blood to just allow ourselves to believe that any possible situation will end badly. It's sad."

Clay hadn't thought about that. Sure, he flinched when he heard doors slam. His pulse quickened when someone yelled his name. His heart hammered whenever he crossed the street. "I never really thought about it."

Haley gave him a sad smile as she reached over and placed her hand on top of his. "Go home."

"What do I say to her? What do I do?"

Haley stood up and placed her messenger bag back across her body. "You'll know." She gave him another smile as she turned around and headed out of the tavern.

* * *

Nathan felt his body spinning as he felt the water against his skin. He had conditioned with a few of the players and he definitely felt beat. His school day was enough to take out energy and he had added four hours of basketball to it. He closed his eyes and saw her face. Everything about her was the same but so different. His body practically tingled.

After his shower he went to his locker. Just as he opened it, his iPhone began buzzing from inside his pants. He quickly reached into the pants and pulled out his iPhone as he took a seat on the bench before his locker. He smiled as his best friend's face popped up across the screen. "Hey there- what's wrong?..You're what?-." Nathan felt his throat close up as he heard his best friend weeping from the other side of the phone. He felt shock fill his body at the same time. She as pregnant? He shook his head as he tried to focus. "Yeah, I'll look for him.. Linds, don't stress yourself out. It can't be good for you and the- yeah just breathe, okay?" He quickly muttered comforting words to her as he tried to get dressed. After he said his goodbye, he quickly made his way out of the locker-room.

Where was he even supposed to look? He knew where she was living at but he couldn't go there. Could he? He fought his own battle as he walked in the direction of her dorm. He shook his head the whole entire time. Sure he knew the building but he didn't know the room number.

"Nathan?"

He turned and like magic, she was standing there. Her hair was in a bun now but she looked angelic. She looked so pure even though her appearance tried to make her seem the exact opposite. "I need your help."

Haley was a bit surprised but she took a step forward. She crossed her arms as she looked up at him. "What's up?"

"Lindsey can't find Clay."

"I was just with him an hour or so ago."

"Where?" Focus Nathan. He tried his best not to look at her. When he finally did, she was staring at him and shaking her head. "Where?"

"Um- he gave me the address. I don't really know." Nathan had already started walking away but Haley followed him. "He didn't go home yet?"

"Obviously not." Nathan barked as he brought a hand through his hair. He continued to walk forward. He wondered if she had turned back around but the sound of small footsteps reminded him that she hadn't.

Haley held her iPhone to her ear once more but her call only went to voicemail. "He isn't picking up."

Nathan suddenly turned around and his face was panicked. "You don't think-"

"No." Haley said firmly as she glared up at him. "He wouldn't do that."

"You said that a few times and it didn't stop the needle from ending up in his-." Nathan was cut off as he felt a small hand slap him across the face. It wasn't really much of anything but it was enough for him to blink a few times before gaining control of his eye-sight.

Haley stared wide-eyed at Nathan as she brought her hand back to her side. She was about to apologize when her iPhone went off. She looked at Nathan once more before she accepted the call and turned around. "Where have you- you're home? Is Lindsey okay?..She called Na- I just knew she was worried when you didn't come home. Yeah. It's fine, I'm glad you're okay..yeah you too, bye." She hung-up the phone as she turned back to Nathan. "His car engine gave out so he had to walk."

Nathan nodded as he felt his cheek still sting. He deserved it. That was a low blow. Especially when that wasn't even close to what actually happened. "Look-."

"Just save it." Haley muttered as she brought her hands to brush the flying tendrils that were blowing across her face.

"You and I don't work."

"What?" Haley cleared her throat as she looked at him. She realized how much she missed him. His skin was tan but not too tan. The freckle under his eye was so defined. She wanted to kiss the spot just below it. His arms were bigger but his face seemed so, closed off. She only imagined his heart was the same.

"We don't work. We try and it's useless." Nathan didn't know what he was saying. Shut up. He wanted to just scream and take back what he was saying but his brain wouldn't stop spitting out words that his heart practically screamed back at. "We try and something happens and we stop trying and then we try again and it's all so fucking exhausting." He looked at her and watched as she kicked at the ground. "You didn't come to the terminal and I get that. I just- I guess at the time I didn't want to believe it but I can't keep doing this Haley." She still wasn't looking up. "I'm here if you need me but I just- I just. I can't." He wanted to kick himself. That was the exact opposite of what he wanted. "Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." She looked up and looked at him for another moment before she turned around and headed back in the direction she came from.

Nathan watched her for another moment before he turned around and walked away from her as well.


	3. Chapter Three

You guys are all great! I'm loving all the reviews and they really make me write quicker. This chapter is a bit shorter than most and I hope to only have longer ones from here but just a quick note, a lot of people are asking me about the story line and all I can say is please please please, read the first part to this story. A Rush of Blood to the Head. It will help you with character developments and the background for this story. Otherwise, happy reading. xoxo.

* * *

Chapter Three - Miss Jackson by _Panic! At the Disco _

**But I love her anyway. **

Brooke bit the inside of her mouth as she sat on the couch. Her roommate was standing in front of the fridge and appearing to look inside but she wasn't looking at anything at all. It was the end of their first week of school and Brooke found herself utterly exhausted. She already had two projects due by the end of next week. She stared at Haley and debated if she should say anything. They had muttered a few words to another during the past week but nothing much. "Are you okay?"

Haley looked over and then back towards the fridge. She realized she had been holding it open for the past five minutes. She slowly closed it and took a breath before she turned and started to walk toward's Brooke. She took a deep breath and plopped down next to her. "Can I," She paused as she looked to see Brooke giving her a concerned look. "Can I talk to you about something?"

Brooke was surprised by that. She wasn't sure when the last time Haley actually came to her for something, even when they were friends. "Always." Brooke muttered as she reached behind her and pulled the pillow into her lap. "What's up?"

Haley turned her head down and started picking at her legs. She finally slapped the sides of them and stood up. "Forget it."

Brooke stood up and dropped the pillow. "Obviously something is bothering you." She said softly as she stood before Haley. "You can talk to me about it."

Haley bit the inside of her mouth. "Maybe later." She offered as she nodded toward her room. "I'm just gonna-." She started to walk toward her room but Brooke called after her.

"There's a party at the Sigma Pi house. Do you want to go?" Brooke offered lamely as she balanced on the heels of her feet. She just wanted to spend time with her. She had her boyfriend and sure he was wonderful and easy to talk to but it wasn't the same. She missed the late night talks or the ordering of pizza every Friday. She missed it all. "You don-."

"When?"

Brooke looked down at her Fossil watch and then back towards Haley. "It started about an hour or so ago."

"Okay." Haley said as she looked at Brooke and smiled slightly. "I just need to get ready."

"Okay." Brooke tried not to sound to chipper but she was sure she did anyway. She smiled to herself as she watched Haley go into her own room. Brooke made her way to her own room and quickly iMessaged Julian and told him that she was bringing a guest. She made her way toward her closet and threw open the doors. She quickly fashioned together a black mini-skirt and a short sleeve gray shirt tucked into it. She added a pair of Coach earrings and a pearl necklace her father had given her when she was thirteen. She topped off her outfit with a pair of Jimmy Choo's. After she gave herself a smoky-eye look, she clipped the left side of her hair back and let the rest fall beneath her shoulders. She smirked at herself before she headed out of her room to see Haley sitting in the living room.

Haley decided to wear a pair of black skinny jeans, a white tank-top and a leather jacket. She placed her hair into a pony-tail and like Brooke, she gave her eye make-up the smoky-eyed look. She smiled tightly at Brooke as she stood up from the couch. She placed her hands into the pockets of her jacket and looked at her. "Ready?"

Brooke nodded quickly as she grabbed her bag from the counter and followed Haley out of the room. They walked in silence towards the Sigma Pi house. Brooke chewed at her nails as they walked. The silence was something she hated. "So, how are your classes?"

Haley shrugged as she played inside the pockets of her jacket. "I'm mostly taking English classes so it's not too hard."

"Says you." Brooke muttered as she chewed the nail off of her thumb. "Have you talked to Nathan?" She didn't know if she should have even brought up the subject. She heard Haley give a snort. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine." Haley offered quietly as they walked along the sidewalk. Their shadows casting mysterious figures on the ground. "I have a class with him."

"Really?" Brooke stopped biting her nails and lowered her hand as she looked at Haley. "What class?"

"Pop culture. It's a class of fifty so we don't even see each other." Haley said this lamely but at her admission she found herself thinking about the last time they talked. She tried to think of something else. "It feels like forever since we've been to one of these."

Brooke smiled at the nostalgia she felt. She smiled but mostly to herself. As they approached the house they were welcomed with the familiar view they first saw at their first party at the Sigma Pi house. Bodies were everywhere holding up red cups. Music was blaring so loud that Brooke felt her skin vibrate. She looked to see Haley staring at the house as well. "Ready?"

Haley headed into the house without saying anything to Brooke. She weaved in and out of bodies. The music was so loud she didn't know how people appeared to be talking to one another. She made her way to the kitchen and smiled when she saw Chase and Quentin.

"Long time no see little J." Quentin moved from the keg and made his way so he could wrap his arms around the petite girl in front of him. He pulled away and smirked at her. "How you doin', girl?"

Haley tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm okay." She could barely hear him from all sound the house was radiating. She was next welcomed into a side-hug from Chase. She smiled into his embrace and took the red cup he handed to her. She quickly downed the brown liquid and felt someone behind her. She turned her head and watched as Brooke gave her own hugs to Chase and Quentin.

"It wasn't a party till you too got here." Quentin admitted as he handed Brooke her own cup as well. "How was your summer? You both went to New York, right?"

Haley watched as Brooke's eyes widened. She quickly cleared her throat. "Yeah. We had a good time."

Brooke looked over at Haley but found herself nodding along. She guessed Haley didn't really want to talk about it and she didn't either. "Just the best."

Haley nodded as she brought her newly filled cup up to her lips and drank that as well. As she finished the cup she watched as Nathan walked in. He wasn't alone. "What?"

Brooke turned her attention to where Haley was looking. She took a deep breath and she quickly brought her own red cup up to her lips and downed it's contents. "Stay here." She patted Haley on the shoulder and quickly made her way into the living room where she grabbed the other girl by the shoulder until they were both outside.

"Okay, Brooke. What the hell was that?" Peyton gritted as she shook off Brooke's hold. "Are you fucking crazy?"

Brooke let out a small laugh as she stood before the blonde. Peyton had dressed up in a black dress with her own leather jacket. "Nathan is off limits."

"Says who?"

"Says me and he's off limits."

Peyton glared at Brooke as she crossed her arms over one another. "Nathan told me he doesn't have a girlfriend so unless he's your other boyfriend-.'

"Oh, grow up." Brooke snickered as she glared right back at Peyton. "Nathan is off limits and if you don't listen to me, you'll find yourself wishing you had." Brooke watched as Peyton shook her head before going back inside the house. Brooke wanted to punch her. She let out a groan before she walked back into the house. She spotted Haley who was obviously staring at the new pair in the living room. She made her way to her. "Are you okay?"

Haley shrugged as she gripped onto the red cup. "Why wouldn't I be?" Haley whispered as she looked across the kitchen once more and into the living room. Nathan was whispering something into Peyton's ear and she was laughing. What was he saying? Why was it funny? "I might head out."

"We just got here." Brooke stated before she let the realization hit her. "Do-." She stopped as she watched Peyton relax into Nathan. Peyton's eye met with Brooke's and she smirked. A few seconds later she turned Nathan's head and kissed him. "That fucking bitch."

Haley stared wide-eyed at the two figures in the living room. She wasn't sure Nathan had even noticed her but at this moment, she hoped to God he hadn't. She felt something inside of her break. Sure, she saw girls latch onto Nathan before but this was different. He seemed to recuperate this time. She turned to Brooke. "I'm gonna go."

Before Brooke could say anything, Haley quickly made her way out of the house. Brooke bit her lip as she watched Julian come up to her. "Is everything okay?"

Brooke looked at her boyfriend for a brief moment before looking back into the living room. "It's about to be."

* * *

"Can I get you anything?" Clay said softly as he sat on the bathroom floor with his wife. He was used to this familiar scene but this was for entirely different reasons. She had emptied what appeared to be her entire stomach only a few minutes before. They went to the doctors two days ago and he confirmed everything Clay had feared but he did make him feel slightly better. Sure, Lindsey had more risks than other pregnant women but the doctor made it seem okay. Lindsey mostly got sick in the evenings. The past two weeks proving that her upset stomach was due to the life they had created.

"I probably shouldn't eat." Lindsey muttered as she hugged the toilet. After a few minutes she sat up and saw Clay lazily smile from his spot on the floor. She let out a soft laugh. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, babe." Clay reached over and patted her leg. He cleared his throat as he started to stand up. He offered a hand to her as well. "How about we try to eat something?"

"We?"

Clay nodded and continued to smile as Lindsey pulled herself into a standing position. "I can always go for seconds."

Lindsey let out a laugh as she walked to the sink and grabbed her toothbrush. "I honestly don't understand how you don't weigh five hundred pounds." She started brushing her teeth as she watched her husband walk out of the bathroom with a small shrug. After she finished she lowered her toothbrush and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was growing back but it was awkward. Her mother had convinced her to get bangs yesterday and she wasn't sure how she felt about them. Her hair barely passed her earlobes and it wasn't anything she was used too. Her hair was never shorter than her shoulders before.

Her face was slim and pale but her eyes were still bright. She wondered how they seemed so lively when she felt so worn-down. She didn't want to tell Clay how exhausted she was. He didn't need to worry. She brought a hand to her face and sighed once more.

"Whats wrong, pretty lady?"

She looked in the reflection of the mirror to see her Clay holding a bag of crackers in one hand and a cup of apple juice in the other. She turned to him and tried to smile. "Can I ask you something?" Clay nodded his head quickly as he lowered his hands to his side. "Are you married to me because you feel bad for me?"

"What?"

Lindsey shrugged her shoulders as she looked down. "When I got my hair done yesterday I got this look of sympathy. This look of, 'well she's sick so don't treat her bad'. I just- I know I was prettier when you first met me and I was lively and-."

"Hey, hey, hey." Clay mustered as he walked into the bathroom. He closed the toilet lid and placed the contents in his hands onto it before he turned his attention back to Lindsey. "You are so perfect to me, Lindsey."

"Clay-."

"No, hear me out." He muttered as he brought his hand to the side of her face before bringing his arms around her. "You're so out of my league. I honestly look at you and my heart breaks." He whispered softly as he looked at her directly in the eye. "I love you so much that my heart literally can't handle it."

Lindsey bit her lip as she reached for his hand and went to place it onto her heart. "I love you so much."

Clay felt another smile make it's way to his face. He felt her heart beating consistently under his palm and he realized that even though he was terrified of the future, if her heart continued to beat, so would his.

* * *

"I thought I'd find you here."

Haley turned her head from her spot on the deck and gave a weak smile. She watched as the dark haired boy made his way down to where she was. "I'm not much of a party person."

"I gathered that." Chase said softly as he stood next to her and looked out at the water. "Great view."

Haley nodded as she turned her head back to the water. It was comforting and meaningful at the same time. This is where everything began and in her mind, she added that this was where everything ended. "What are you doing out here?"

Chase shrugged as he smiled down at her. Truthfully, he watched her leave after witnessing the same raw kiss in the living room that he did. The look on her face was something he never quite saw before. He wanted to make sure she was okay. "You missed a girl fight."

Haley turned her head and leaned against the rail so she could look at Chase head-on. "Between who?"

Chase gave a small laugh at the memory. "Your roommate."

Haley's eyes widened and she felt her mouth slightly open in surprise. "What?"

Chase nodded and continued to laugh. "You know, for someone who cares as much as she does about nails and whatever, she sure didn't seem to care five minutes ago."

Haley was shocked. Brooke was always sassy and overcharged but she wasn't the kind to go around hitting people. "Who did she get in a fight with?"

Chase cleared his throat as he looked down at the ground for a moment before looking up at Haley. "That blonde with Nathan."

"Oh."

Chase nodded as he watched Haley turn her attention back toward the water. She was such a complex person. He never could figure her out. He would get close and she would do something to throw him entirely off the grid. "You know, whatever happened to you guys can be fixed." Haley gave him a confused glance. "You and Brooke."

"I can't be so sure."

"You know, before we all went to Hawaii, she made sure she could get you to go." Chase said honestly as he talked out into the empty space of the water. "She just wanted her best friend with her and by the looks of you standing out here alone, I figure you feel the same way."

Haley huffed. "What are you, my therapist?"

Chase shook his head but smiled. "I'm whatever you need, H.J."

Haley turned her head and nodded. "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything." Chase said softly as he reached over to place his arm around her. "I'm always going to be here for you, okay?"

Haley nodded as she tried to feel something. Even from the words or from the simple action and gesture from someone who was trying to be there for her. She wanted to say everything she was feeling but she shook her head and stared back into the water.

* * *

"I think we should ice your hand." Julian offered as he watched his girlfriend pace around the front yard of the house. "Brooke."

Brooke held her throbbing hand to her chest as she paced around her boyfriend. "I can't believe I did that."

Julian shrugged. "I can." He ignored the warning look from his girlfriend as she continued to pace. "Look-," he reached to halt her as he looked down at her. "Can we go ice your hand?"

"My hand is fine, Julian." Brooke muttered as she shook him off and continued to pace. The party had died out but a few bodies remained. "I told her that Nathan was off limits!"

Julian awkwardly smiled at the few strangers as they passed them on the sidewalk. "Brooke can we-."

"Is Haley here?" The couple turned to see the basketball player job towards them. His face was concerned and his eyes were dark.

Brooke narrowed her eyes as she held her hand tighter to her chest. "You didn't seem to care if she was here earlier!"

"Brooke." Julian stated softly as he turned to his girlfriend and then back toward his fraternity brother and friend. "She left before the whole," he paused as he received a death glare from his girlfriend. "incident."

"Do you know where she went?"

Brooke rolled her eyes as she turned back toward her boyfriend. "I'm gonna head back to my room." She reached in for a kiss and quickly pecked him. "I love you." She ignored the other boy as she turned around and headed toward her dorm room. She was drained both mentally and physically. Her hand was also throbbing.

She wondered if Haley was okay. She shook her head as she continued to short walk back to her dorm building. She was grateful as she took the steps up to her floor. She couldn't wait to lay in her bed and sleep.

As Brooke entered her room she saw Haley standing in the middle of the living room. Brooke shut the door quietly behind her and placed her keys and iPhone onto the counter. "Hey." She watched as Haley turned around but appeared to be silently sobbing. "Haley, what's wrong?"

Haley shook her head and let a sob escape her throat. "I just need- I just need-."

Brooke quickly walked toward her and despite the pain in her hand, pulled the crying girl into her arms. "I'm here." She felt Haley sobbing against her. She tightened her hold. "I'm here."

* * *

"So, some party."

Nathan turned to see Peyton standing in the doorway of his bedroom. After she had be on the receiving end of a punch in the face, he decided to invite her over. He mostly felt guilty. It was his fault. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that." He gestured toward her forming black eye.

Peyton shrugged as she walked more into the bedroom. "Brooke told me you were off limits so it was mostly my fault."

Nathan narrowed his eyes as he remained sitting on his bed. "What?"

Peyton shrugged as she shook off her jacket and examined the walls of his bedroom. For a basketball player, he had a pretty good taste in music. Well, at least what she could tell from his posters. "I don't know." She turned toward him. "Are you though?"

"Am I..?"

"Off limits. You said you didn't have a girlfriend."

Nathan nodded as he looked down. "It's complicated."

"Ah." Peyton pointed a finger at him. "See, if you would have said that maybe I would be able to see out of both my eyes."

Nathan shook his head and managed to smile. "I'm really sorry about that."

"I've had worse."

Nathan nodded as he played with his bedspread. He didn't know what he was feeling. Surely, part of him was longing for something he wasn't sure he ever had and another part of him wanted to scream fuck it. He was torn. There was a girl in his room and over a year ago, they sure as hell wouldn't just be sitting there. "There's this girl."

"I take it this girl is Haley."

"How did you know?"

Peyton shrugged as she took the spot next to Nathan. "I may be blonde but I'm not stupid." She watched Nathan smirk as he continued to look down. "Have you told her?"

"Told her what?"

"That you love her." Peyton said honestly as she stared at him. "It's pretty obvious."

Nathan's eyes widened but he continued to look down at his bedspread. Was it obvious? He didn't think so. "She doesn't want me the way I want her."

"You sure about that?"

Was he? Not enough to bank on but enough not to let himself get hurt again. Truthfully, the past summer sucked. His heart ached for something he never quite felt before. She didn't come to the airport. Maybe that was fate's way of telling him that he needed to move on. "I'm just really sorry about tonight."

Peyton smiled as she stood up. "I'm gonna get going."

"Or you could stay."

Peyton looked at him for moment before she reached and grabbed for her jacket. "You don't want me to do that."

"I just asked you." Nathan said softly as he gulped. He wasn't sure how he could do this before. He felt strange and different at the same time.

Peyton looked at him hard for a moment before she put her jacket back on. "I'm not going to be that girl."

"What girl?"

"The girl who plays the minor character in someone else's love story." Peyton said quietly as she looked around the room. "I could stay and we could have a great night but in the morning when you wake up, it's not me who you'd want next to you, is it?" She was answered with silence. She smiled softly as she looked down before she looked back over at him. "Everything is going to work out."

Nathan watched as she started to walk out of his room. "How do you know that?" She turned around. "Nothing is turning out how I want it to."

Peyton smiled. "Then make it happen, hot shot."


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four - Window by _The Album Leaf _

"I feel like I should take up a hobby."

Julian looked over his computer toward his girlfriend. They were sitting across from one another that Sunday at Starbucks. He needed to get homework done that he neglected over the weekend but he also wanted to spend time with the one girl who made his life make sense. "A hobby?"

Brooke nodded as she peered over her own computer. "Yeah, like something to do in my free time that I enjoy. Therefore, a hobby." She sat back into her chair and brought her hand under her chin. "I just don't know what kind of hobby."

Julian's eyebrows knitted together as he continued to look at her. "Don't you design clothes? Isn't that a hobby?"

"Oh my God, Julian." Brooke muttered as she sat up once again. "Designing clothes is a lifestyle not a hobby." She shook her head. "You're such a boy."

Julian had raised his hands in defense and lowered them as he looked back at his computer. He hadn't really planned on having homework his first weekend of college but being a junior in college meant that he really had his work cut out for him. He had decided to major in film and he was definitely paying for it. He shook his head but mostly to himself. He glanced up after a few minutes and watched Brooke staring emptily into space. "What kind of hobby are we talking?"

Brooke's eye glimmered as she looked over at her boyfriend and gave him a slight shoulder raise. "I dunno." She winked at him before she got lost back into thought. She suddenly shockingly gasped and slammed her hands on the table. "I figured it out!" She jumped up and made her way to the bulletin board a few feet behind Julian. She gripped onto the bright blue paper before skipping back towards Julian and throwing the paper into his face.

"Cheerleading?" He glanced at the paper for a moment before letting his eyes drift back toward her excited face. He let out a small chuckle. "Well if that's what you want to do, go for it babe."

Brooke nodded as she took her seat but remained looking at the paper. She never really thought about doing cheerleading in college. She did two years of it in high school and it was enjoyable. "I can spend more time with you and get in shape."

"You look fine the way you are." Julian stated as he looked at her. "But I do like the spending more time together." He watched as she looked over and smirked at him. He smiled back for moment. "You do know that Alex and Rachel are both cheerleaders right?"

A small scowl made it to Brooke's face as her boyfriend mentioned his ex-girlfriend. She shrugged her shoulders as she placed the piece of paper next to her computer. "I'm not going to let two people stop me from having a hobby."

Julian nodded his head as he turned back to his computer. He was about to type his extended response essay but he heard Brooke swear under her breath. He glanced up and saw her glaring at something behind him. He turned his head slightly and watched as Nathan and Peyton walked into Starbucks together. He shrugged and turned his attention back to his girlfriend who continued to glare. "They can just be friends, Brooke."

Brooke rolled her eyes as she turned her attention back toward Julian. "I just can't stand that she actually goes here."

"Well she does and so do you. Are we going to act like high schoolers about this?" Julian did his best to ignore the glare from his girlfriend. "What-."

"Well, hey there."

Julian turned his head and watched as Peyton stood before their table. She had a small smile on her face. He watched Nathan slowly come up and stand behind her. "Hey guys."

Peyton smiled at Julian and then turned toward Brooke. "Brooke."

Brooke rolled her eyes but felt satisfied at the black outlining Peyton's eye. Her hand pulsed at the sight of it. "Peyton."

Peyton rolled her eyes as she adjusted her back-pack. She awkwardly turned to Nathan standing behind her and shrugged. She then turned back toward the couple. "Do you care if we join you?"

Julian shook his head. "Sur-"

"Actually we do." Brooke stated as she glared at Julian before glaring at Peyton. She gave her a tight smile. "There are plenty of other laps you can slut your way into."

"Look, Brooke." Peyton stated as she felt her anger rise. "I haven't done anything to you and you have no reason to treat me this way. I'm your friend."

Brooke had let out a laugh before Peyton had finished talking and stood up herself. "That's really funny because you never were there for me last year and when I came to you when I needed a 'friend', you wanted nothing to do with me." Brooke spat out as she glared at Peyton once more before she reached around her and started to gather her things. "Actually, you can sit here but I won't be." She quickly placed her things into her backpack and without even muttering a single word, she left.

Julian let out a small sigh as he closed his laptop and started to gather his things as well.

"Julian-."

Julian raised his hand to the small blonde and gave a simple shrug. "I don't know you, Peyton. I don't know your story or anything so I can't judge you." He watched Peyton nod. Instead of commenting anything else to her, he turned to Nathan who hadn't spoken a word. "I'm sorry we're in a weird place man. I didn't-."

"It's cool." Nathan rushed out as he held onto his straps of his own backpack. "We're still fraternity brothers."

Julian smiled at that as he stood up and grabbed his messenger bag and his traveling coffee cup. "I guess I'll see you guys around." He smiled tightly and walked in the same direction his girlfriend had.

Peyton let out a sigh as she dropped to the table and watched Nathan do the same. "I honestly don't know what to do."

"What did she mean?"

"What?"

Nathan cleared his throat as he shrugged off his backpack and pulled out his computer. "When she came to you and you didn't want anything to do with her."

Peyton looked down at the table and let out a small sigh as she pulled out her sketchbook. "I guess I don't have a good excuse. She needed me and I was too busy." She shook her head as she looked up at Nathan. "It was after the accident. I tried to be there for her at first but I was interning at this record store and it was so demanding and I just kinda, fell apart from her I guess."

Nathan nodded and for a brief moment he was taken back to that day. He felt his skin tingle as if he was still in that water. He flashed to Haley when she saw him while she was trapped in the backseat. "A lot of people make mistakes." He gulped as he tried to shake her face out of his head. "I haven't been the best person, either."

"Oh really?" Peyton joked as she brought her pencil across the page and started to scribble. "I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons and we can either stay that way or change, you know?"

Nathan watched her start drawing on the page. "I guess so."

* * *

"So, Haley." Andy Hargrove said as he glanced at his clip-board. He turned his attention back to the girl who was seated on the couch before him. He recalled that she was sitting over the part his wife has reupholstered last spring. She seemed timid but he figured that was just her first impression. He was surprised he even had a walk-in that Sunday. He only came in from noon until three and she was sitting on the front steps of his practice and told him she wanted someone to talk too. Her hair was dark but her eyes looked darker. He wondered how that could be. "Why are you here?"

Haley hadn't thought about that. Why was she there? Surely she had some reason deep down but after not being able to sleep last night, she found herself walking on the backstreets of campus. She kept walking and walking and then she found herself at a bridge that was over the highway. For a brief moment, she found herself wanting to jump off of it. She actually pictured it in her mind so vividly that it scared her. She wasn't sure how she ended up in front of Andrew Hardgrove's practice but she had. She wasn't even sure how long she had sat on the brick steps outside. "I'm not sure."

Andy stared at her for another moment before he jotted a few words on his notepad. Timid. Shy. Self-harming but with a question mark. "Are you a student at UNC?"

Haley nodded as she crossed her legs and looked around the room at the pictures on the wall. Most of them were sailboats. She wondered if he even went on the water. He didn't look it. "I'm a sophomore this year."

"Ah-," Andy jotted down the word student on his notepad. "And what are you studying, Haley?"

Haley bit her lip as she played with her fingers in her lap. "I think I want to teach English."

"You think?"

She looked across the room at the man. He couldn't be more than ten or so years older than her. His face was clean and defined. He seemed to shave everyday but she could see a spot he missed right under his chin. His eyes were hazel and plain but his smile was a smile that you would see on a park bench or a billboard. "I think I should go." She started to stand up but just as she did, Andy stood up as well.

"I have no obligation to keep you here but I'm here to help you. You can stay or you could go." Haley swayed on her feet for a moment before she slowly lowered herself back to her seat. Andy was a bit surprised she stayed, it didn't seem like something she would do. "So, lets try this again, why are you here?"

"I guess this has been long overdue for me."

"What is?"

Haley gulped as she gestured around the room. "Therapy. Being put in a crazy-ward, whatever."

Andy scribbled passive-aggressive onto his notepad and circled it twice. "Why is that?"

Haley bit her lip. "Because of me." Haley looked down at her legs and took a deep breath. "Because of everything."

"Kurt Vonnegut once said, 'everything is nothing with a twist.'" Haley gave him a strange look. "Sorry, I like to quote things." He shook his head as he sat up and adjusted his clipboard in his lap. "Where do you want to start?"

"Where do I want to start?"

Andy nodded at her and gave a small smile. "Talk about whatever you what, whenever it happened, how it happened."

Haley tilted her head at him for a moment before she let her eyes focus back onto her hands in her lap. She hadn't really thought about where it all started. Was she born this way or was she this way because of everything else? She wasn't sure and she wasn't sure a simple therapy session would tell her either. "I have a brother and two sisters."

Andy scribbled that onto his notepad as he remained watching her movements as she spoke. "Who are you closer to?"

"Uh- my brother. We're twins."

"Twins you say?" Andy smiled at her as he spoke and circled brother on his notepad. "How was growing up with a twin?"

Haley wrinkled her nose. She hadn't really thought about it. Sure in books or movies twins would have this weird bond and she did have that with her brother but she never thought about it really. "It was okay. Clay was the troublemaker and I was the quiet one."

"Is it still that way?"

Haley bit her lip. "Not so much anymore."

Andy nodded quickly and looked up at Haley. "How about your parents? How are they?"

Haley's eyes widened and she felt her pulse rise as she took a deep breath. She watched Andy look at her curiously as she seemed to gasp for air. "I think I should leave."

Andy watched her quickly stand up and gather her things. "Haley, I- I don't think you should leave."

Haley shook her head. "This was a mistake."

Andy had witnessed this a few times before in his life. More times than none. "How about we are done for today but you come back Tuesday, okay?"

Haley halted as she bit her lip and looked up at him. "Tuesday?"

"Yes." Andy quickly said as he looked at her. "Every Tuesday at three."

Haley nodded her head slowly as she felt her pulse slow down. "Okay."

Andy let out a breath as he nodded himself. He looked at her for a moment before he headed over to his desk. He filled out a small card and walked over and handed it to her. "Just so you remember."

Haley held the small index card in her hand and looked at his scribbled writing. "How do you know I'll even come back?"

Andy looked at her for a hard second before he spoke. "You wouldn't still be here, would you?"

Haley nodded but mostly to herself. She clutched the index card and muttered a goodbye before she walked past him and out of the room.

Andy took a breath as brought his hand to his forehead and wiped at his sweated brow. He then walked toward his desk and took a seat. He glanced at the notes he had taken and quickly in bold letters wrote, fear.

* * *

"How was your day?" Brooke asked softly as she watched Haley walk out of her room and into to kitchen where she was currently making her own dinner. "I didn't hear you come in last night."

"I must have been really quiet I guess." Haley lied as she opened the fridge and pulled out a water bottle and some leftover pizza. She quickly bit into it without warming it up. "How was your day?"

Brooke glanced behind her to see Haley leaning against the opposing counter. She turned herself around to face her. "Egh. I decided to take up a hobby."

"Don't you design clothes? Isn't that a hobby?"

Brooke narrowed her eyes as she recalled the conversation she had earlier. "A lifestyle not a hobby. You and Julian.. I just can't win." She turned back around to finish making her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She cut it in half and brought the piece with her as she turned around to face Haley again. "But I decided to try-out for cheerleading."

"I can see it." Haley said after a moment as she finished her last bite of pizza. "When are try-outs?"

"Tomorrow." Brooke said softly as she decided to chose her next words carefully. "I wondered if you wanted to do it with me or something."

"Me? A cheerleader?" Haley let out a small laugh as she walked out of the kitchen and went to plop herself down around onto the couch.

Brooke followed her there and stood before the couch. She felt nervous. "I just, didn't want to do it alone but you don't-."

"You do whatever you want all the time. Why are you so nervous about it?"

Brooke swallowed as she thought of answering the question. After Friday night, Haley and her had talked more. Their friendship wasn't anywhere close to what it was but it wasn't based around hating anymore, at least in Haley's case. They had ordered pizza the night before and watched a few episodes of The Office. Haley never told Brooke why she was crying and Brooke never felt it was her place to ask. She just wanted to be there and she wanted to be someone Haley could trust. "Uh- Alex."

"Alex?"

"Yeah." Brooke said softly with the shake of her head. "She's head cheerleader so I just- didn't want to face that alone but it's fine." Brooke smiled weakly as she turned around and headed into the kitchen to grab the other half of her sandwich.

Haley sat sit for a moment as she brought her head to down to the pillow on the couch. She heard Brooke singing to herself before she finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Well, this is a surprise." Lindsey said softly as she opened her front door and saw her best friend standing on the opposite side. She smiled up at him before quickly opening the screen door that separated them. She threw her arms around him and inhaled his scent. "God, I missed you."

Nathan smiled into her neck as he held onto her for a moment longer than usual. The last time he saw her was at the airport before he left for High Flyers. They wrote letters back and forth and a few phone calls but nothing beside that. He wasn't sure how it happened or even why but instead of going back to his apartment he found himself back in Tree Hill. "I missed you more." He let her go and was quickly ushered into the house. He never saw it except for a few photos. Lindsey lead him around the house and he could tell it was hers before he even stepped inside. Every room had a bookshelf. It was small but homey at the same time. It was like a safe haven.

After the small tour, he found himself sitting outside on the deck with his best friend as they stared at the water before them. "See my garden?"

Nathan's eyes wandered toward the small garden and he smiled. Lindsey had outlined the garden in lilies. "It's beautiful." He turned his attention back to her and smiled. She looked healthy. "How are you doing?"

Lindsey smile softly over at him as she relaxed more into her chair. "I think I'm doing just fine." She felt content and she felt complete. Sure, Clay made her so happy and made her heart warm up with the love she had for him but Nathan made her feel complete She assumed it was something anyone shared with their best friend. The sense of being understood and being whole. "How about you? How are you?"

Nathan glanced at the water. "Haunted."

"What do you mean?" Lindsey sat up a bit and glanced at him curiously.

Nathan turned his head to her and let out a breath. "I just feel - haunted."

"By what though?"

Nathan took a few moments to answer. The sun was setting but it shined off a bright light that lit up the lilies a few feet before him. They looked like they were on fire. Like a spark of life had grown within them. "Myself." He turned to look at the concerned look on her face. "I can't shake anything. I just make myself re-live everything. Losing Lily. Losing Mitchell. Losing-." He stopped as he shook his head. "I just seem stuck in reverse."

Lindsey watched his face and swallowed. Nathan had lost a lot of people in his life. Physically and not. She didn't know her father when he died, so she didn't know what that loss felt like. She read about it in books and she saw it in others when they feared she would lose her own battle to cancer. She reached over and squeezed his arm. "Sometimes we think the things we can't shake are demons." She said softly as she watched him look over at him. "I think things happen to us not because we are bad people but because we are human beings. We feel things and sometimes we wish we didn't but we do. We feel loss. We feel heartache but we also can feel love and happiness. We are human and we focus on one thing and not the other."

"Like we focus on the bad and not the good?"

"Yeah." Lindsey said softly as she wrapped her arms around herself so her hands landed on her belly. "But they both make us who we are, you know?"

"I guess so." Nathan said softly as he gestured toward her hands. "You're gonna be a mom."

Lindsey smiled softly as she looked down at her hands as well. "It's weird. I feel so content."

"How so?" Nathan smiled as he watched her face light up as she spoke. She spoke of love and he could tell she had already loved that baby and it wasn't even a month old. She never stopped smiling as she spoke. "I don't think I'd be good at it."

"Good at it?"

"Being a parent." Nathan said softly as he felt a light breeze make it's way around them. The sun had disappeared. "I just don't think that's in the cards for me."

"I wouldn't be too sure."

Nathan stared at the lilies by the garden. They seemed so dark and cold now that the sun was gone. "When you picture yourself happy, what do you see?"

Lindsey thought about it for a moment before she found herself staring at the lilies herself. "I picture this."

"Yeah?" Nathan smiled softly as he turned his head toward her before standing up and walking to the rail of the deck. After a few seconds he felt Lindsey stand right next to him. "Why's that?"

"Everything is in it's right place I guess." Lindsey spoke as leaned her arms against the rail. "What about you? What do you see?"

For a moment Nathan's mind took him to a different setting. It was bright and he heard laughter in his ear from a little girl. She giggled and screamed daddy in the air as she ran around a field in front of him. The thought shifted and he saw her standing before him in a pale pink dress as she laughed along with the small girl before chasing after her. He shook his head and turned his head down to look at Lindsey before leaning against the rail himself. "A dream."

Lindsey accepted his answer and merely settled into his side as they watched lights dance across the water.

* * *

Alex Dupre rolled her eyes as she watched Brooke walk into the auditorium. She had saw the name written up only a few minutes prior and she found herself in total loathe with the girl.

Brooke felt her nerves kick in as she walked more into the middle of the room. She wasn't sure why she was nervous. She always found herself comparing herself to Alex mentally. Whenever Julian would tell her she was beautiful, she wondered if he had ever told Alex too. Alex was a beautiful girl. Everyone knew, including her.

Alex turned to Rachel Gatina and let out a groan. She turned her attention back to the center of the room. "Name?"

Brooke cleared her throat before she spoke. "Brooke Davis."

Alex jotted the name down even though she already knew it. She glanced back at Brooke and blew a bubble with her gum. "Have you cheered before and are you auditioning alone or in a group?"

Brooke looked at her before turning and looking around her at the empty space. "Yes and alone."

Suddenly the door behind Brooke opened and she turned to watch a petite body make it's way toward her. Brooke felt like crying but she didn't. She was sure she was smiling ear to ear though.

Alex took a deep breath as she watched the dark haired girl stand next to Brooke. "Name?"

"Haley James." Haley turned to Brooke and offered her a small smile before she turned her attention back toward Alex.

After they auditioned, they walked out of the auditorium in silence. Haley bit her lip as they walked out of the field house and onto the sidewalk. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know."

Brooke nodded as she adjusted her bag onto her shoulder and found herself smiling again. "Thank you for doing that." Haley merely nodded as they fell in step with one another. They got across campus and then headed their separate ways without uttering another word.

* * *

"I'm happy to see you're back." Andy said as he made himself comfortable in his chair. He was holding a mug that said World's Greatest Dad.

"Here I am." Haley said softly as she looked around the room at the picture of boats. Her eyes caught a picture of him on a boat with two younger children. They looked happy. She cleared her throat as she looked up at him. "I made the cheerleading squad."

"Cheerleading? Really?" Andy said with a smile as he took a sip from his mug. He didn't picture her as the cheerleading type. "How does that feel?"

Haley shrugged as she scratched the side of her head. "I mostly did it for my roommate."

"Who's your roommate?"

Haley cleared her throat. "Brooke. She was my roommate last year."

"Ah, I see." Andy scribbled the name on his notepad as he took another sip from his cup. "I take it she's a close friend."

Haley found herself nodding but the look Andy gave her, he didn't buy it. "What?"

"Your head says yes but your eyes say differently."

Haley then found herself wondering where Andy was from. His voice had a bit of a Boston accent but it wasn't to brutal. She glanced at his hand and saw a gold band shine from it. She wondered how he met his wife. If the two children in the photo were his. "It's complicated."

"Most things are."

Haley nodded as she bit her lip and looked across the room at him. She debated with herself on the walk there if she should even go but she did anyway. The small boat covered room made her feel safe. Like the boats were taking her away from the world for a little bit. "A lot of things happened. I just don't know know if they can be fixed."

"Anything can be fixed." Andy said softly as he lowered his mug to the small end table next to him. "It just depends how you fix it."

Haley nodded her head again as she brought her left leg over her right. "I don't know where I should start."

Andy gave her a small smile as he brought his hand underneath his chin. "Wherever you want."

Haley felt something in her stomach stir but it wasn't from being scared. Maybe it was from nerves but she wasn't sure. She looked up at Andy and took a deep breath. "How about the beginning?"


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five - Demons by _Imagine Dragons _

**They say it's what you make.**  
**I say it's up to fate.**  
**It's woven in my soul.**  
**I need to let you go. **

Brooke took a deep breath as she tried to make her legs move quicker. She had no idea how she was keeping in step with Haley but she somehow was. It was Thursday afternoon and being new members of the UNC Basketball Cheerleading Squad, they needed to start conditioning. Brooke just didn't think it would be the exact same week. She felt her legs start shaking so she came to a sudden halt and keeled over. She heard Haley's feet stop as well and start walking toward her.

"What's wrong?"

Brooke held up a finger as she remained staring at the ground. "Can I say that I hate Alex?"

Haley let out a small laugh as she wiped the sweat which was forming at her brow. It was a hot day, she'd give Brooke that. Haley loved running though and compared to Brooke, Haley could run for miles. "Maybe we should stop."

Just as Brooke nodded quickly, Alex ran up and started running in circles around them. "What's the problem, ladies?"

Brooke glared as she stood up straighter and took a deep breath. Her insides felt like complete mush. She tried to speak but it came out in panted breaths. She looked over at Haley who was taking a breath as well. "I just-."

"I needed to stop." Haley interrupted as she watched Alex stop running around them. "Brooke," She pointed to Brooke who was still trying to catch her breath. "Saw I was running slow and lapped me a few times to help motivate me. It's really my fault."

Alex looked between the two girls nodded her head. "Well, I don't want to see it again, okay?"

Haley and Brooke both nodded as they watched her start to head down the beaten path in front of them. They remained still for a few minutes before Brooke shook her head and gave a soft laugh. Haley turned her head and looked at her with concern. "What?"

Brooke shook off her laughter as she reached her hands above her head and stretched. "Alex hates me." She shook her head as she started to jog. She felt Haley catch up with her. "It's just, she can't hate me because of Julian. I don't see why it's fair."

"Didn't you hate her because of Julian?" Haley's response was a soft grunt. She smirked as she weaved in and out of the trees with Brooke. "All I'm saying is that maybe you should look at things from her perspective. Like, think of how you felt when she was with Julian."

Brooke nodded as she took in the words. She did think of that. She was so sad when Julian was with Alex. Seeing them together or even hearing about it would make her heart break. She imagined that Alex felt that same way but things were different for Julian and her. Julian was her soulmate and she was certain of that.

As they reached the clearing, Brooke noticed everyone was standing in a circle. As they got closer to the clearing, Brooke's eyes narrowed as she saw the familiar curly headed blonde in the center of the circle. She walked closer and huffed. "What are you doing here?"

Peyton rolled her eyes as she wiped her forehead. "Hello to you too, Brooke." She smiled briefly to Haley who stood behind Brooke. "Haley."

Haley nodded in her direction as she then focused her attention onto the grass that was stuck on her shoes. She didn't know what she felt toward Peyton. Obviously, Peyton had some sort of relationship with Nathan. Did Peyton know about her history with Nathan? She wasn't sure.

Brooke rolled her eyes as she turned her back on Peyton and faced Haley. Of course Peyton would join the cheerleading squad. She didn't know why she was so surprised. Sure, Peyton made fun of cheerleading everyday in high school but she was still a cheerleader. She wanted to punch something. She could manage to handle Alex but having Peyton on the squad was like icing on the cake. She felt something burn within her but before she knew it, Alex had ordered them all into a circle formation. They had sat themselves on the ground with Alex standing in the middle.

"So ladies, as you see we have some new faces, which is always great." Alex smiled and winked at a few girls before she stood still and pulled the clipboard that was under her arm in front of her. "On top of conditioning, we are going to have every girl pick their baller-boy. New girls," she turned mostly toward Brooke and Haley. "this is where we each get to have our own player on the team. We mostly bake them goodies before the game and wear their jersey number on game days." She smirked as she brought the clipboard to her chest. "Since everything is going to be fair, we will be passing out compacts that have a number in them. The number you get, is the number in which you get to chose a baller-boy." She waved for a blonde to stand up. The girl opened up a bag and went around the circle handing out compacts.

"What did you get?" Brooke flashed her number three and shrugged at Haley's number six.

"Now ladies, rules are you can trade any compact. We will be picking tomorrow after the Sigma Pi party. Sound good?" The girls nodded in unison. "See you then."

"This is totally lame." Brooke whispered as she sprawled herself against the ground. Her body was not happy with her. She felt Haley lay down next to her. She turned her head as she let out a long breath. "Do you think this was a bad idea?"

"I think it's kinda fun." Haley said softly as she kept her eyes on the clouds above her. Her mind was still trying to wrap around the idea of Peyton and Nathan together. "Who will you pick as your 'baller-boy'?" Haley snickered at the term.

Brooke laughed softly as well as she held onto the compact. "Hopefully Julian. You?"

Haley hadn't thought about that. She was pick number six so she didn't really know who she would even get. "I don't really know."

Brooke nodded as she turned her attention toward the clouds herself. "Do you think Mitchell can see us?"

Haley turned her head. Her calming heart-rate seemed to escalate a bit at the question. "What do you mean?"

Brooke shrugged as she brought her hands into the grass and began pulling at it. She hadn't really talked about Mitchell with Haley for a long time. She wasn't even sure where the question came from but she felt his name pass her lips and she instantly ached for him. She wished he was there with them. Laughing, complaining, smiling - anything really. "I feel like he's watching over us."

Haley turned to look back at the clouds. She hadn't really thought about it. She didn't answer Brooke with words but she reached over and gave her hand a small squeeze.

* * *

"So, do you want to tell your mom?"

Clay turned his attention from the sink toward his wife. Yesterday, the sink decided to act up and they found themselves in a kitchen full of water. "Do I want to tell my mom..?"

Lindsey shook her head as she remained seated at the kitchen table. She had a few books sprawled out in front of her. What To Expect While You're Expecting was currently open before her. She had just read about her changing body during the second trimester. "About the baby, Clay."

Clay bit his lip at the thought. He didn't really know if he wanted too. The last time he saw his mother was the beginning of summer when she helped him move Haley in. She helped them a bit with the house but Clay had to bite his tongue when she was around. Someone else was claiming to be his mother and he didn't know who to believe. He didn't know who to trust or what even to believe in. "I mean we told your mom."

Lindsey nodded as she watched Clay turn back around and put his head under the sink. She stopped up as she walked toward the counter next to him and leaned against it. "Why don't you want to tell her?"

Clay dropped the wrench in his hand and looked up at Lindsey. She was wearing a tight white tank top and if you looked hard and knew what you were looking for, you could see the slightest of baby bumps. "Because," Clay started as he brought a hand to wipe at his forehead. "I don't know if she is my mom, Lindsey. It's all really hard to wrap my head around."

"It doesn't matter if she is your-."

"It doesn't matter?" Clay questioned as he found himself standing up. "How would that not matter? My whole life has basically been one fucked up lie after the next."

"I don't mean that,_ that_ doesn't matter. I mean that she raised you, Clay. On some level she is your mom." Lindsey said this part softly and it seemed to echo around the house. She looked to watched Clay fighting an internal battle; the past week hadn't been easy on him. She knew that and she wanted to be there for him. Clay had quit working at the café last week and now only fully worked with Keith at the motor shop and at the car dealership with Dan Scott. Both jobs were stressful on him and she rarely saw him except for at night. However, they had more money than they had all summer. "I'm sorry I asked."

"No, it's okay." Clay said softly as he stared at her. "I just don't know what to think but if you want to tell her, we can."

"No, it's okay." Lindsey stated as she mustered up a smile. "We told my mom, Karen, Keith, Haley and Nathan. I think that's good enough for me. Is it good enough for you?"

Clay nodded as he felt her close the space between them and place herself in his arms. She smelled like fresh clean linens and lavender. He brought his hand to the back of her neck and held her closer to him. He had been so busy the past week, he barely saw her. Whenever he got off work, she was already asleep and he would wake-up while she was still asleep. He missed holding her. He just missed her in general. "Wanna hear something funny?" He felt her nod as she remained still in his embrace. "My sister is a cheerleader."

Lindsey pulled away from him slightly with wide eyes. "Wait? Are we talking about the same sister?"

Clay chuckled softly as he nodded and pulled her back to him. "She called me the other day to tell me and I almost spit out my lunch."

"I'm sure Dan would love that."

Clay took a deep breath at the mention of his bosses name. He surely wasn't getting on the right side with that man. He was closed off, mean and small-minded. Clay mostly picked up the work when he tried to get buyers a good deal on cars. Dan was an asshole but he still managed to keep his position at the dealership. "I feel bad for Nathan."

Lindsey shrugged. "Dan was different before Lily died."

"Really?"

Lindsey pulled away slightly. "I mean he wasn't the best dad around but he wasn't as bad as he is now. He loved that girl. We all did."

Clay gave her a sympathetic look. Whenever Lindsey talked about Lily, she grew sad afterward, even if the memories were cheerful. Clay never experienced a loss by death. At least not with someone he was close too. He couldn't imagine losing Haley. Sure, she was a pain sometimes and she got under his skin but he still loved her with everything he had. "I think I fixed the sink."

"You think?" Lindsey teased softly as she pulled away from him and made her way toward the faucet. "Should we test your handy-work, Mr. James?"

Clay gave her a wearily smile. "If you would, Mrs. James."

Lindsey smiled at him as she pulled the steel faucet in her direction. She watched the water fall down into the drain and unlike the past two days, it remained going down the drain. "You did it!" She turned off the faucet and jumped into his arms.

Clay grinned as he felt her wrap herself around him again. She kept muttering that he did it and that was enough praise to fix any crappy day he would have.

* * *

Haley stared at the back of the raven-haired boys head as she tried to take notes in pop-culture. Her head was whirling but at the same time she couldn't make any sense of it. He had skipped class the past week but here he was. Exactly seven rows in front of her. She looked down at her paper and realized the page in her notebook was filled with spirals instead of notes. She shook her head at herself. Even when he wasn't talking to her, he still caused her to stop thinking.

The professor dismissed class and Haley quickly gathered her things. It was Friday and pop-culture was her only class of the day. She had a few things to do but nothing really. Brooke had been trying to put together a list of boys she should pick as her 'baller-boy'. She shook her head at the thought. In a perfect world, she would pick Nathan but the thought caused her to shudder a bit. As she reached for her messenger-bag, she noticed someone standing next to her seat. She looked up and like the devil himself, there he was. "He-hey." She spat as she remained seated.

"Hey." Nathan said softly as he shoved his hand in his pocket. "Since I missed class I wondered if I could borrow your notes. I would ask someone else but I don't know anyone."

"Oh." Haley muttered as she found herself staring at him. "Oh! Sure." She quickly reached into her messenger-bag and pulled out her notes. As she flipped through and marked the notes he missed, she quickly ripped out the page from today with doodles. She handed it to him with a small smile.

"Thank you. The professor was a total dick when I asked him for his." Nathan chipped in as he stared at her. He cleared his throat and glanced around the empty lecture hall until he stared back at her. "So, I heard you're a cheerleader."

"Uh, yeah." Haley muttered as she slowly stood up herself. She wondered how he figured it out. Did Peyton tell him? She bit her lip as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Are you going to the party tonight?"

Nathan looked at her and felt a small smirk make it's way to his face. "You mean the party at my frat house?"

Haley closed her eyes for a moment as she felt her own smile make it's way to her face. "That would be the one."

Nathan nodded as he tapped her notebook against his leg. He strangely felt nervous. Being in her presence shifted his entire world. He took in her appearance. She was wearing some band tee and a pair of shorts. Her hair was still dark but it was tangled in a loose braid. He missed her in a way that he couldn't explain. "Yeah, I'll be there."

With Peyton? Haley wanted to ask but she didn't. She somehow managed a smile as she looked up at him. She adjusted the messenger-bag on her shoulder as she looked at him for one last time. "Well, I guess I'll see you then." She nodded toward the notebook in his hand. "Let me know if you need any help or anything." Or anything? She wanted to punch herself for sounding so dumb.

"Yeah." Nathan said crisply as started to turn to walk out of the lecture hall. "Thanks again."

Haley would have muttered a reply but he was already out of the room. She sighed softly as she adjusted her messenger-bag and headed in the same direction Nathan did. As she walked out of the building a few minutes later, she felt the warm air on her skin. She wasn't used to the heat of North Carolina but she was somehow managing. She reached into her pocked and pulled out her iPod as she continued on her walk. After getting across campus, she found herself walking toward the record store. She was happy to finally be back at work. She walked in and was greeted with the familiar scent. She was in love with the record store. She walked toward the back and saw the familiar scrawny figure leaning against the doorframe. "Well, well, if it isn't Haley James."

Haley rolled her eyes as she dropped her bag onto the counter as she walked further into the record store. Chris Keller. She wasn't sure the last time she had a conversation with him. They exchanged a few words this summer. He basically asked her about her music and she said it was nonexistent. "Chris."

Chris peered over his glasses. "You look thin." He squinted. "Too thin."

"Gee, you say the sweetest things." Haley mocked and hip checked him as she walked past him to look at the list their other boss, Max Schwahn, left for them to-do. Haley scanned it over and glanced at Chris. "Did you organize the crates?"

"Check-o." Chris muttered as he pushed himself off of the doorframe and closer toward her. He peeked over her shoulder at the list. "Done, done, done and oh- help Haley write a new song."

Haley rolled her eyes as she pushed the list into his chest. "You wrote that in." She walked past him and headed toward the new record bin.

"So, what if I did? Music is a big part of your life, Haley."

Haley looked at him for a second before she continued to file throw the record bin. "Music was a part of my life."

"If music isn't a part of your life, what are you doing here?"

"I need a job, Chris."

Chris rolled his eyes and stared at her for another moment. He shook his head. "Keep telling yourself that." He turned around and headed into the recording studio.

Haley dropped the record in her hands. She turned her head and saw the red recording light turn on. She took a deep breath and turned back around.

* * *

Julian took a deep breath as he walked with his hands in his pockets next to his girlfriend. The strange thing was, she was being totally quiet. She had came over after her last class and unlike her usual perky behavior, she was quiet. She made them dinner and had gotten ready in under a span of ten minutes. He wasn't sure if he should ask her if anything was bothering her. He found himself doing it anyway. "Are you okay?"

Brooke glanced over at him and took a deep breath. She had been having a horrible day and it wasn't really fair that she was taking it out on Julian. Not that she was really taking anything out of him. "Class was a killer today."

Julian smiled sympathetically at her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry babe."

"I failed a quiz in Econ and my design professor was just- it was a bad day and on top of that, we have this stupid cheerleading meeting after the party."

"Ah- baller-boys." Julian added softly as he felt her place a hand in his back pocket. "What hottie are you picking?"

Brooke smiled softly as she leaned over and pressed a small kiss to his neck. "I hope to get my super hot boyfriend."

"I barely play. I honestly just take pictures." Julian grimaced. "You can pick someone else."

Brooke halted as she pulled her hand out of the back pocket of his jeans. "I don't want anyone else." She looked down at the ground. "I just don't know what pick Alex has and I'm worried she's going to get you."

Julian looked at his girlfriend and felt a small smile make it's way to his face. She was too adorable. He walked closer to her and took her hand in his. "Well, if she does or anyone else does," he brought his hands up to his heart. "you still have this."

Brooke bit her lip as she felt his heart beating under her palm. "You are too perfect, Julian Baker."

Julian brought her hand down but kept it clasped with his. They continued on their short stroll toward the Sigma Pi house. Like last weekend, it was still full. He wondered when exactly that would end. He followed Brooke into the house as they weaved in and out of bodies until they reached the kitchen. He saw Haley sitting on the counter as Chase stood next to her.

"Hey." Brooke smiled softly as she stood on the other side of Haley. Haley smiled at her softly as well. Things were getting better. Brooke couldn't be more thrilled but she felt nervous at the same time. She turned her attention to Chase. "Mr. Adams."

Chase smirked as he handed two red cups to Julian and Brooke. "Ms. Davis." He nodded his head to Haley as he still remained looking at Brooke. "I'm trying to get Haley to make me her baller-boy."

"You don't even play basketball." Brooke said with a soft laugh. She looked over and saw Haley laughing as well.

Chase raised his hands up as he turned his attention toward Haley. "I'm just saying. I go to every game. I'm practically a player."

Haley took a sip of water from her cup as she laughed again. "I'm sure." She turned her attention toward Brooke. "How was your day?"

Brooke stepped in closer so she could answer the question. The party was big now and it was only going to get bigger. "It was alright." Brooke offered softly as she gripped the cup in her hand. "Stressful. You?"

Haley shrugged. "I worked all day."

"How was that?" Brooke heard Julian and Chase go off on some video-game. She wanted to roll her eyes.

Haley shrugged again. Before she could answer, she watched Nathan walk into the kitchen. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a black v-neck. She honestly didn't understand how he was so attractive. His arms were so much bigger than last year. His hair was short but it wasn't too short. He also didn't shave today so he had a slight stubble. She shook her head as she looked down at her own outfit. Compared to Brooke's little black dress, she was in a pair of jean shorts and a blue tank-top. Her hair was placed in a bun on her head but she was barely wearing any make-up. She shook her head. She then focused her attention back onto Brooke. "Sorry, what?"

Brooke turned her head slightly and saw Nathan and her boyfriend talking. She turned back to Haley. "Nothing." She bit her lip as she stepped closer to Haley. "Are you going to pick him?"

"Nathan?" Haley whispered. She saw Brooke nod quickly. "N-n-no. I don't think so. I'll probably just pick Quentin." She wanted too but she didn't either. She wasn't sure what she wanted.

The party lasted a few more hours. Brooke found herself sitting in the kitchen with Haley and Julian. She was tired though. Her eyes were growing hazy but she still had things to do. She rolled her eyes at the thought. Like clock-work, she saw Alex and Rachel waving her over. She reached and kissed Julian on the cheek before she made her way into the living room with Haley.

"Ladies." Alex chirped as she looked at the group. "Let's head out."

"I thought you said we were having the meeting after the party?" Brooke said as she took in Alex's appearance. She was wearing a denim mini shirt and a black tank-top and it barely covered her flat stomach. Brooke looked down at her outfit and suddenly felt self conscious.

"We can't have a meeting here." Alex said some nasty but she kept smiling. She shook her head at Brooke as she turned toward the other girls. "Peyton is making us a fire down at the beach so lets head down there."

Once they made their way toward the beach, Brooke tried her best not to just quit then and there. Peyton had made a fire and even a chart that stood in the sand with everyone's name on it. She rolled her eyes as everyone gushed over it. She turned to see Haley chewing at her nails. "What's wrong?"

Haley shook her head as she placed herself onto a wooden log. She felt Brooke sit next to her but she somehow just focused on Peyton. "Jealously is a bitch."

"I wish I was drunk right now." Brooke muttered as she crossed her legs. She was still feeling the run from yesterday.

"Alright ladies!" Alex had stood up in front of them. The sky was barely lit but it was enough that you could still make out her face. The music from the party was still a bit audible but not much. "You know the drill, now I had the fourth compact but Peyton switched with me." She turned to Peyton with a grin. "So I pick, Julian."

"What?" Brooke muttered as she looked over at Alex and then toward Peyton.

Alex ignored Brooke as Peyton wrote Julian next to her name. "Who's second?" She watched a small hand poke up and she called on the girl who suggest Tim Smith. "Who's third?"

Brooke raised her hand as she continued to glare. "I do."

Alex raised her eyebrows at Brooke. "Okay, and who do you pick?"

"I'd like my boyfriend."

Alex looked around at the girls and let out a shaky laugh. It wasn't her choice to let Brooke into the group. It was Rachel's. She added a mental note to punch her later. "Well, I had first pick."

Brooke narrowed her eyes as she shook her head. She turned her attention to Haley. "I'm sorry." She turned her attention back to Alex. "Quentin Fields."

Alex nodded and turned toward Peyton. "Who do you pick, Peyton?"

Peyton turned toward Brooke and saw her glaring at her. She really screwed up there. Alex told her that she wasn't going to pick Julian if they switched compacts. Peyton told Nathan she was going to pick him but standing there and receiving a glare from Brooke, she changed her mind. "Uh- Jake Jagielski."

Haley's head popped up. She heard another girl yell out a name and it was suddenly her turn. She turned to Brooke who was still glaring at Alex and then she turned toward Peyton who was looking at her questionably. She bit her lip as she brought her knees up to her chest.

"Hales?" Alex said softly as she looked at her. "Who do you pick?"

Haley swallowed as she felt the wind off the water hit her skin. She could pick someone else. She could totally detach herself and move on. This was her chance. She looked back up at Peyton as she cleared her throat. "Nathan."

* * *

Peyton made her way up to the house but a figure on the dock caused her to re-make her decision. She walked down the dock and say the familiar figure leaning against the end of it. "Well, well, well."

Nathan turned his head and grinned softly at her before turning his attention back toward the water. "How are you?"

Peyton shrugged as she leaned against the the rail next to him. "So I have some news."

Nathan turned his head and looked at her. Peyton was a great friend. He was discovering that more and more everyday. He listened to him complain about things and she always offered advice that he didn't really think of. She made him miss Lindsey but she also made him happy that he had a friend. "What's that? Also, rocky-road is my favorite ice-cream."

Peyton shook her head. "About that, you're not my boy I'm afraid to say."

Nathan turned his head to her questionably. "No?"

"No." Peyton said softly as she looked down at the rail and began picking at it. She wasn't sure if she made the best decision but she made it. She hoped it wouldn't upset Nathan. "Haley got you."

"What?" Nathan was sure his face was red. He hadn't expected Haley to pick him. He didn't really think about it. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. "I see."

Peyton looked over at him and bit her lip. "Are you okay with that?"

"I mean I guess so." Nathan said honestly as he felt the wind on his face. He wasn't sure what he felt at the moment. His head was spinning but he shook it off. "Who did you pick?"

Peyton shrugged with a lazy smile. "Jagielski. He's cute."

Nathan let out a soft laugh before he grew quiet again. "Well I guess that's that."

"I guess so."

* * *

Haley quickly sat up from her bed. Her head was pounding and she felt sweat dripping from her forehead. Her dream had been so real that she continued to play it over in her head. She was on the bridge with Mitchell and he told her to think. He told her to try to remember. But remember what? She shook her head and tried to lay back down. However, once her head hit the pillow she thought of something. She quickly jumped out of her bed and headed out of her room. She quickly knocked on Brooke's door. It wasn't until a few minutes later that Brooke answered the door. "Wha-?"

Haley quickly made her way into the room. She turned back around to seeing Brooke trying to open her sleeping eyes. "That picture from the accident of the guy who hit us. Do you still have it?"

"What?" Brooke asked softly as she felt her brain un-fog. "Why do you want that?"

"Do you have the picture?"

Brooke looked at her hard for a moment before she nodded and went toward her closet. She reached to the shelf on the top and grabbed a box. She quickly tore off the top of the box and dug around the box until she reached the manilla envelope. She snatched it up and quickly stood up. "Here."

Haley took the envelope and opened it. She pulled out the picture and gasped.

Brooke took a step closer to her and looked at the picture than back toward her. "What's wrong? What is it?"

Haley looked up and took a deep breath. "I know who this is."


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six - Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood by _Nina Simone _

**But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.**  
**Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.**

Nathan rolled over in his bed as he opened his eyes. His room was still pitch black. He lifted his head and his alarm clock showed that it was a little after four in the morning. He had a nightmare but the more conscious he was, the more he didn't remember it at all. His body was aching but not as much as his head was. After he tossed and turned for another ten minutes, he gave up.

"Will you stop moving?"

He was startled by the voice. He reached over to flip on his lamp. He looked and saw Peyton sprawled out across the floor. "What are you doing?" His eyes squinted as they tried to adjust to the light. How much did he drink last night? What did he drink?

Peyton sat up and shook her head. "Someone had to walk you back and I was not walking to the dorms alone." She yawned as she recalled the past events. After they talked on the dock, Nathan had gone inside and she didn't realize how drunk he was until he tried to open the fridge with only his mind. "What's wrong?"

"My head." Nathan muttered as he fell back onto his pillow. His head was aching. He couldn't remember the last time he actually drank that much.

Peyton shook her head and bit her lip. "You said something in your sleep." After a few seconds she watched his face peer back down at her.

"What?"

Peyton bit her lip more as she shook her head. "Nothing, I probably misunderstood." As she went to lay back down, she saw Nathan sit more up. He clutched his head for a moment before he looked at her and asked what he said. She didn't know if it was her place. It probably wasn't anything. "You muttered some girls name but you sounded - I'm not sure how you sounded."

Nathan stared at her. "What name?"

Peyton let out a soft exhale. "Lily."

Nathan nodded his head before he reached over and turned off the light. He quickly laid back down but his head wasn't aching anymore. The tattoo across his heart started pulsing. Maybe it was just because his heart rate increased. His palms felt sweaty. By Peyton's breath, he could tell she wasn't asleep. She was becoming a really great friend to him. It was nice. "Lily was my sister."

Peyton was laying on her back. Drunk Nathan had made her a small bed on the floor after she declined having his bed while he slept on the floor. Drunk Nathan was quiet. She wondered why. "Was?"

Nathan cleared his throat. "Yeah. She died."

Peyton remained quiet for a long time. She wasn't exactly sure what to say. She was never good when it came to death. Her mother died when she was young and her father was rarely there. "I'm sorry." She whispered this into the dark and she felt that she could see her apology flutter out of her mouth. Her words were apologetic and her tone was sad. "My mom died when I was thirteen."

"I'm sorry." Nathan repeated as he felt his head aching back in his skull. He wanted to sleep but he didn't. He still felt a bit drunk. "I miss her."

Peyton remained quiet but by the soft humming a few minutes later from Nathan, she noted that he was finally back asleep. She wondered how the girl had died. Nathan practically screamed her name in his sleep but it wasn't a type of scream she had heard before. It was more like a scream that someone gave when they were in agony. Maybe even fear. Her mother died in a car accident. She was killed instantly. She shook her head at her thoughts as she slowly stood up. She reached for the blankets on the ground and quickly scooped them up before she threw them over Nathan's sleeping figure. She quickly walked out of the room and headed into the living area. She grabbed her leather jacket off the back of the couch but before she reached for the door, a voice spoke. She jumped in the air as she saw Jake sitting quietly at the kitchen table. "You scared the shit out of me."

Jake smirked for a moment before he turned back to the table. "I didn't mean too." He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "So, I hear I'm your baller-boy."

Peyton felt her cheeks redden for a moment as she walked toward the lit up kitchen. She walked closer to the table and peeked at what Jake was working on. "Did you do these?" There was handfuls of drawings scattered across the table. They were in pencil, marker and water color. They were all pictures of smiling faces.

Jake looked up at her and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah."

Peyton had taken a sit across from them as she went through the pictures in her hands. "These are really good." She looked up and smiled at him. "How did you capture such genuine smiles?"

Jake brought a hand to the back of his neck. "I just- it's silly."

"Tell me." Peyton said softly as she glanced down at a water color portrait of an old man.

Jake looked at the picture in Peyton's hands and then toward her face. "I took a picture the exact moment I told them they were beautiful and I just drew from the picture."

Peyton smiled at that. "That's awesome, Jake."

Jake nodded with a shrug. "It's just a hobby."

Peyton's eyes grew wide. This was his hobby? "What's your major?"

"Business." Jake laughed as he shook his head. "Total opposites, I know."

"Yeah but it doesn't make them less of what they are." She said this honestly as she bit her lip and glanced back at Jake. His facial structure was very defined. His cheeks were high and his eyes were soft. He had simple features but their simplicity was what made them so much stronger. "I'm an art major."

"Really? What do you do?"

"I'm not as good as you. I can't believe this is just your hobby." She let out a laugh at the end but she remained smiling. She watched him smile sheepishly once again. She was interested in him. He was so complex. She slowly stood up. "Have a goodnight."

Jake watched her head toward the door but before her hand touched the knob he called her name and picked the camera up from beside him. She turned around with a smile. "You're beautiful." He quickly snapped the picture and lowered it just as her smile continued to grow.

* * *

"What do you mean, you know who this is?" Brooke asked softly as she watched Haley pace her bedroom. The hairs on her arm were starting to stand up. The thought made her tingle and the re-appearance of the photo made her skin crawl. "Haley?"

"I'm not sure." Haley muttered as she brought her hands to her hair. She let out a small scream. She felt his name on her tongue but it wasn't quite there. He was like a ghost from her past. "I don't know his name."

"Then how do you know who he is?"

"Because I've seen him before at my old house." Haley muttered as she tried to recall the memories in her head. She saw him a few times in her life. Just glimpses but enough to let her remember that she had seen his face before. "He was friends with my dad. Ergh well, he was something along the lines of a friend."

Brooke's eyes grew wide. "He was friends with your dad? Shouldn't we ask for his hel-."

"No!" Haley exclaimed as she stood still. "The reason he did this is probably because of my father. Brooke, my father was-."

"A horrible, horrible man. Yeah, I've heard that before." Brooke didn't sound annoyed, she sounded like she had heard the statement so many times that she could finish any sentence that included the man. She glanced to see Haley begin to pace again. "When was the first time you saw him?"

Haley waved her hands in the air. "I don't know." She brought her hands to her face and slapped her forehead twice before she stood still. "I see his face but I just can't remember his name."

"At your house," Brooke started as she stood before Haley. "What was he doing?"

Haley didn't know. She tried to recall a memory but they were were all fuzzy. Everything was a blur, well mostly a blur. She wasn't good with memories from her childhood. Most of them she had repressed to the point that she didn't know anything that really happened before the age of ten. "I'm sure whatever it was, it wasn't legal."

"What exactly does your dad do?" Brooke found herself asking. She didn't really think before she spoke but she wasn't regretting asking. "It's fine if you don't want to talk about it." Haley never talked about anything, ever.

"No, it's okay." Haley said softly as she inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. She needed to relax. Her pulse was still vibrating throughout her whole body. "My dad does a lot of things." She took another deep breath and before she knew it, she started pacing. "He just- he-he." Her lips wouldn't form words.

"Look, how about you go to sleep and we can try to piece some of the parts together tomorrow?"

Haley nodded as she stopped pacing and turned to see Brooke lay back down into her bed. She awkwardly walked herself out and toward her own room. Her brain wouldn't turn off and she wasn't sure she wanted it to. She wanted to remember everything. She wanted the answer to speak out to her. She just needed something but she wasn't sure what. She shut her bedroom door behind her as she went to her closet. She quickly reached up on her own top shelf and pulled out a photo album.

The pictures were old and some were turning colors but she could still make them out. She flipped through pages of her childhood. Toothless grins with her siblings and pictures with her mother. If she could even call her that. She quickly kept turning until she reached the picture she didn't even think about. She landed on a picture from her eighth birthday party. Her and Clay were sitting on a chair together as they grinned at the camera. A bad recreation of a Barney cake laid in front of them and their guests were surrounding them. Her eyes landed on the dark skinned man in the corner who was grinning just as wide as she was. She quickly pulled the photo out of the photo album and brought her hands across it. "Who are you?"

* * *

That Monday night, Clay found himself sitting across from his mother at dinner. He had called her the day before and told her about his news. She was thrilled to be a grandmother. He wasn't quite sure how he felt about it. Sitting across from her felt wrong. Growing up, he often found comfort in the warmth of her skin and the crooked smile she wore. Lindsey was right though, even if she wasn't his biological mother, she still helped raise him. She protected him the best she could. "How's Quinn and Taylor?"

Lydia smiled at the question. "Quinn is in Mexico for a photo-shoot with David and Taylor is in LA, I think."

Clay nodded at the news. He had exchanged a few words with Quinn over the past few months but he hadn't spoken to Taylor since he left home a few years ago. "That's good."

"Any weird cravings yet?" Lydia asked softly with a grin as she continued to cut into her steak. She glanced up and saw Lindsey and Clay looking strangely at one another. "Well?"

"No, not yet." Lindsey said softly with a tight smile. She wasn't craving anything but she surely wasn't in the mood for steak. She was trying so hard to keep her stomach from giving up on her. She glanced around the dining room and tried to think of anything besides the smell.

"Well, you were really into the banana and peanut-butter thing the other day." Clay offered with a small grin as he watched his wife shake her head.

"I'm always into banana's and peanut-butter, Clay." Lindsey rolled her eyes playfully as she sat back in her chair as far from the steak as she could get.

"When I was pregnant with Clay and Haley, I craved peanut butter milkshakes."

Clay's eyes grew wide. Was she lying? Did she really crave that? He looked out of the side of his eye and saw Lindsey looking at him nervously. He looked down at his hands and realized he was cutting the plate instead of the steak. He quickly dropped his silverware.

"What is going on with you, kiddo?" Lydia asked softly as she looked between the pair. They sure were acting strange. The whole day had been strange.

Clay wanted to ask her. He wanted the words to come out of his mouth but he couldn't have a proper sentence form in his mind. He spoke without trying to think of another. "Why are you lying"

Lindsey's eyes grew wide as she watched Lydia stare at her son. "How about we have des-."

"What do you mean, 'why am I lying'?" Lydia questioned as she sat up straighter.

Clay glanced at Lindsey before he turned back to mother, well who he thought was his mother. Maybe she was his mother. He didn't know. Everything was so fucked up. "Nothing."

"No, spit it out." Lydia said softly as she narrowed her eyes at him. She wasn't sure what he was getting at.

Clay gulped before he spoke again. "Does Ellie Harp ring a bell to you?"

Lydia's eyes grew wide as she took in the name. She quickly closed her eyes and shook her head at herself. When she opened her eyes again, she brought her hands under her chin and looked at Lindsey. "Can I have a moment alone with Clay?" She watched the small girl nod as she quickly stood up and left the room. Lydia turned her attention back to Clay. "How do you know that name?"

"How do you?" Clay questioned back.

Lydia shook her head. "She was with your father before I was." Lydia shook her head. Whenever she mentioned her past husband, her skin filled with goosebumps.

"She said she was my mother."

Lydia wasn't sure why she was so surprised this moment was happening. She assumed it would happen before this exact time but it hadn't. "She is your biological mother, yes."

Clay's eyes grew wide and before he knew it, he was standing. His temper had his skin burning. "And you decided to lie to us this whole time?"

Lydia watched him start pacing the small dining room. She stood up quickly as well. "Clay, I was doing what was best for you. I was trying to protect-."

"Trying to protect me?" Clay shook his head. "Ha, that's a joke." He felt his anger rise as he continued to stand before her. Without thinking, he started to throw the dishes from the table across the room. "Protecting me? You stayed with that man until he beat you so bad you couldn't move! He hurt us. How," He threw a plate. "the fuck" He threw another. "is that protecting ME!"

Lydia jumped at the sound of the last plate hitting the floor. She turned her head to see Lindsey standing in the doorway with fright plastered across her face. Lydia turned back to Clay and felt her own emotions take a toll on her. Her eyes filled with tears as she watched his chest rise with every pant he gave out. "Clay-."

"I think you should leave." Lindsey said softly from behind Lydia. She watched as Clay started to take short gasps. He couldn't breathe. She quickly made her way toward him just as he stared falling to his knees. "Clay, hey." She offered softly as she tried not to worry him more. "Baby, you're having a panic attack and I need you to try and calm down."

Clay could barely hear a word she was saying. His chest felt so tight. Why was it so tight? "Linds, - I."

Lindsey shook her head quickly. "Don't talk, okay? Deep breaths." She brought his head to her chest as she started to rub her hair. She was used to panic attacks. She never had them but her mother did and also her best friend did as well. Once his breathing evened out, she continued to hold him to her chest. When she turned her head, Lydia had already left.

* * *

"I can't feel a single bone in my body." Brooke complained as she sat on the bench in the locker room. Cheer practice had last two hours that Monday and it was already almost ten o'clock at night. Alex had made them run the track for two miles and then work on arms. At the end, they started to learn a few cheers but Brooke could barely hold her arms up to do any of it. "I honestly can't wait to lay in bed."

Haley offered a side smile as she started to put her pom-pom's in her new cheer bag. They had all gotten bags and their two uniforms today. One uniform was a long sleeve while the other was short and showed a good part of their stomachs. Haley didn't like them that much. "It will get better."

"Doubt it." Brooke shook her head as she pouted. "I should have just stuck with the simple life. Why did I need a hobby?"

Haley chuckled softly at that but it stopped when Alex walked into the locker with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Ladies." Alex addressed as she stood before them. Brooke found herself wondering how she looked so perfect after the torture she just put them all through. "Tomorrow night is our first official dinner with the boys. You need to get them a small gift for their first official week of practice and need to dress appropriately." Alex made the last comment in Rachel's direction. "If this is your first baller-boy dinner, just know that we sit next to our baller-boys during dinner and offer small talk but mostly support them and cheer them on as the coaches talk about the upcoming season."

Haley wanted to slam her head into the locker. She wasn't sure how great of an idea it was to pick Nathan as her baller-boy. She had no idea what to get him. He had given her plenty of things in the past but now everything was awkward and strange. She tuned out Alex and the rest of them as she stared blankly at the locker before her. Her mind wouldn't shut off. She was sure she had gotten less than ten hours of sleep in the past three days. The large work-out from today didn't even seem to make her crave sleep like it was for her roommate. She felt like a zombie.

"Hales?"

When Haley finally turned her attention back to reality, she saw that Brooke and her were the only two left in the locker room. "Sorry, I was just thinking."

Brooke nodded as she reached for her new cheerleading bag and her Vera Bradley book-bag as well. She gave Haley a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just thinking." Haley repeated softly as she gathered her own things and stood up. She followed Brooke out of the locker room and the two started to make their way toward their room.

Brooke enjoyed the somewhat cold air as they walked toward their dorm. It felt good against her hot skin. She turned to see Haley staring at the ground. "So, anything new with you?" Brooke offered lamely as she watched Haley's head pop up.

"Not really." Haley said softly as she turned her attention back toward the ground. "What gift are you going to give Quentin?"

Brooke huffed softly as she shrugged. She was more focused on what Alex was going to make for her boyfriend. "I thought about making him a cape."

Haley's head popped up to that. "A cape? Brooke he's twenty years old."

Brooke rolled her eyes at Haley's statement. "I think he'd like it." She turned to Haley as they continued walking. "Do you know what you're going to get for Nathan?"

Haley let out a breath. Alex had made her take out her nose ring and she knew Nathan despised that, so could that be his gift? "I don't know. "

Brooke nodded at that. She was drawing a somewhat blank herself. "Have you talked to him?"

Haley shrugged. "I sent him a text but he never responded."

"What did you say?"

Haley held the front door for their dorm open as she followed Brooke in. "I told him that he was my baller-boy and if he didn't want me to be, to just tell me."

Brooke sighed softly. "Well maybe he didn't not want you to be so he just didn't respond."

"I guess." Haley said softly as she unlocked their door and walked in again, after Brooke. She set her things down on the counter before she plopped herself down across the sofa.

Brooke walked into the kitchen and pulled out two water bottles from the fridge. She took a quick chug from one and walked to give Haley the other. Haley smiled in response. Brooke bit her tongue but spoke anyway. "Did you try to figure more out about the guy?"

Haley nodded as she took a sip of water. Once she wiped her mouth she gave Brooke a serious glance. "I honestly have no idea who he is but I know him. If that makes any sense."

"I'm sure it will come to you eventually." Brooke smiled and patted Haley's leg before she went into her own room.

Haley found herself wishing that to be true.

* * *

"I need to stop skipping class." Nathan said with a soft yawn as he plopped himself across from Peyton at Starbucks. She quickly handed him a coffee. "Thank you."

Peyton looked up from her computer and let out a soft laugh. "You look like ass."

"You should smell me."

Peyton's nose scrunched up as she watched him laugh at his own joke. It was the fourth week of classes and she wanted to be done. It was only Tuesday and she was mentally checked out for the rest of the week. "So, are you excited for the big dinner tonight?"

Nathan shrugged as he pulled out his own computer. He had a lot of school work to catch up on. He had slept through all his classes yesterday and his body was still drained from conditioning for the season. "I just hope it's not a drag."

"It won't be." Peyton took a sip of her coffee. She watched Nathan pull out his school supplies. "Why do you have a notebook that has Haley's name on it?"

Nathan glanced down at the red journal and cursed to himself. "Fuck." He shook his head as he brought his hand to his forehead as he leaned his elbow against the table. Today wasn't his day. "I asked to borrow her notes Friday and I missed class yesterday. I'm an ass."

Peyton gave him a look before taking another sip of coffee. "You're not an ass. I thought you stole the poor girl's notebook."

"Funny."

"I thought so." Peyton smirked but it faded quickly. "I can give it to her if you want."

Nathan shook his head. "I'll just give it to her tonight. I have to sit with her anyway."

"How do you feel about that?"

Why was everyone and everything asking how he was feeling? He just wanted to sleep. When he wasn't doing basketball, he was catching up with is schoolwork and trying to sleep as much as he could. "I don't really care."

Peyton didn't say anything. She turned back toward her computer and heard him start to work on his. Their friendship was growing to be quite strong even if it didn't appear that way tot he average onlooker. She could be herself around Nathan and she found him to be someone she could trust. It also made her feel better that she wasn't totally hated by everyone at UNC. As she started to actually do her homework, she heard Nathan sigh. "What's up?"

"I have two exams Friday."

"Already?"

Nathan only nodded at her as he looked through his syllabi's. This wasn't his week. "I also have an English paper due next Monday and I suck at English."

Peyton rose both of her hands in the air. "Don't look at me. I equally suck."

Nathan smirked at that as he shook his head. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Haley stared at Andy for most of their session that Tuesday. Her brain wouldn't turn off. She just wanted to sleep but whenever she tried, she laid there awake. His office was the same except one picture on the wall behind him was crooked. She wondered how that happened.

"Is something bothering you today?" Andy asked after fifteen minutes of silence. He had told her to take as much time as she needed but the silence was slowly killing him. He watched her remain emotionless. "Haley?"

Haley quickly tuned back in and focused on Andy. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I asked if something was bothering you."

"Oh." Haley said softly as she shrugged. "I'm just really tired."

"Why's that?"

"I haven't been able to sleep."

Andy wrote insomniac on his notepad. The first note of their session that date. Their last session which was a week prior, had ended on somewhat of a good note. Haley had talked a little bit about her goals as a college student and of her friend Brooke Davis. Other than that, she didn't talk much. "Why haven't you been able to sleep?"

"A lot on my mind I guess." Haley didn't know. She felt tired, she knew that much to be true. "I have this stupid cheerleading dinner tonight."

Andy noted that she changed the subject quickly. "Why is it stupid?"

Haley didn't really want to get into the subject now but she guessed it was the time to start talking about it. Maybe not bottling everything up would help her , she could hope anyway. "I guess I should tell you about Nathan."

Andy quickly scribbled Nathan down. "Only if you want too."

Did she want to? Not really. Should she? Probably. "He's this boy." He was more than just a boy. Before she knew it, she was telling the story of her and Nathan aloud for the first time. She spoke of how she first met him by running into his room and turning off his music. She talked about Christmas and their first kiss. She talked about what she felt and why she felt it. It felt good to let the words free. She felt free as she spoke and she felt more connected to Nathan as she spoke about how they first started. "..I missed his flight but he doesn't know that."

Andy finished a few of his notes before he set his notepad down. "Do you plan on telling him?"

"Telling him what?"

"How you were there. How you tried to be there at least."

Haley hadn't really thought about it. "It wouldn't change anything."

"How can you be so sure?"

Haley noted that Andy sounded and looked at her the way a parent would. She briefly wondered what her life would be like if Andy was her father. She wondered if he would take her on trips in his boat. "I just know."

"People have a way of surprising you."

"Do you try to sound like a book of inspirational quotes?" Haley snickered and smiled more when she saw Andy crack a smile himself. "I just have to deal with things I guess."

"What exactly do you have to deal with?"

Haley didn't really know. She felt like she was balancing the world on her shoulders but it wasn't heavy. It was more of a test of balance. An act. She imagined herself as one of those tightrope walkers. "Life."

* * *

"Have I mentioned how amazing you look tonight?" Julian pressed a kiss into Brooke's neck as he stood behind her. They were in his bathroom and they had finished getting ready for dinner a few minutes ago. He was dressed in a simple pale blue dress shirt and a pair of khakis while Brooke was dressed in a red gown that had a slit high on her left thigh. It was strapless and it hugged her in all the right places that Julian couldn't keep his hands off her.

Brooke shrugged as she brought her hand to the back of Julian's neck as she looked at him through the mirror. "I really hate that I can't sit next to you."

Julian knew how horrible she felt that she didn't get him as her baller-boy. He was somewhat upset himself but he couldn't do anything about it. He didn't want to see Brooke upset though. That was always the one thing he never wanted. "What did I tell you before?"

Brooke turned in his arms. "I know but I just-." She shook her head and stared to play with his plain white tie.

"You just..?"

"You liked Alex, Julian. It's different. You actually dated her and it bothers me I guess."

Julian didn't know how to react. He did at one point like Alex. She was a sweet girl and she would make a man happy one day but he knew that man would never be him. Not when his heart wasn't fully invested in the small term relationship they had. He brought his hands to cup Brooke's face so she looked at him. "You've had my heart for almost a year now and I know it hasn't been easy but look where we are."

Brooke brought her hands so they laid on-top of Julian's. "You always know the right words to say. How do you do that?"

Julian leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "A magician never tells his secrets!" Brooke pulled away and gave him a look. "I had this magician phase that lasted about well nineteen years of my life."

Brooke rolled her eyes with a small laugh as she turned back toward the mirror and continued to finish her make-up. She was in love for the first time of her life. The real kind of love. It terrified her but it made her feel like she was leaping into the deep end of the pool. She didn't know how deep it was but she kept going.

* * *

Haley sat patiently at the table. Everyone else was seated with her baller-boy and hers seemed to be MIA. They were in a room in the union but the decoration in the room helped mask the fact. There were medium sized tabled scattered throughout the room that had a least eight people to one. She was seated next to Quentin, Brooke, Jake, Peyton, Kenzie, Tim and the empty seat beside her. She let out a small sigh as she stood up and made her way toward the beverage table. She was startled as the familiar blonde stood right before her as she turned back around. "You scared me."

"Sorry about that." Peyton stated softly as she grimaced at her actions. "I just wanted to talk to you about something."

"Uh, sure. Shoot." Haley said but she felt her heart hammering in her chest. Peyton was dressed in a teal dress that was short but long at the same time. Haley glanced down at her black dress. She looked so dull next to Peyton.

"When you saw me kiss Nathan..I just want you to know that I didn't know you guys were a thing."

Haley's eyes grew wide. "Oh, well we're not.." She didn't know what to say. She just kept shaking her head. "No hard feelings."

Peyton smiled softly at that "I was hoping you'd say that." Peyton said softly as she turned to their table. Brooke was glaring at her but that's not what she noticed. "Looks like your boy is here."

Haley turned her head toward their table and saw him shrugging off his jacket as he took his seat. She smiled softly as Peyton. "I got him a really stupid gift."

"I'm sure it's not stupid." Peyton added as she reached past Haley and grab a water bottle. "Don't be scared."

Haley watched Peyton walk away. She gripped the water bottle in her hands and made her way toward their table. She felt her heart beating against her ribs but she didn't really know if it was due to nerves or her lack of sleep. She cleared her throat as she sat down. She set her water bottle on the table and heard Nathan laughing to something Tim was saying. She felt his breath in her ear and she almost fell over.

"I'm sorry I'm late."

Haley shrugged as she placed her hands onto the table. They were only four words but they all represented the words she wanted to say to him as well. She shook her head at the thought.

Nathan cleared his throat as he sat back in his chair. Haley looked captivating. Her dressed was simple. It was tight a the top but it flowed out to the top of her thighs. Her hair was curled to the side and he noticed that her nose ring was out. He wondered why she did that. "Did they have really boring speeches yet?"

Haley turned her head and smiled softly. "Sadly you didn't miss those."

"Damn." Nathan sat up in his chair and suddenly his face lit up as he remembered something. He turned toward his book-bag that was next to him and quickly pulled out the red notebook. "I'm sorry I missed class yesterday. You probably needed this."

"Oh. It's fine." They had an open note quiz on Monday. She hoped her guessing was just as good. Their small talk lasted a bit longer but it was nothing more than ten words. Haley knew this because she counted everything he said. When the speeches came she tried her best to listen but her mind kept wandering. Brooke had kicked her under the table a few times. She shook her head. Dinner wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be. The boys at the table kept them all entertained. She was grateful for that. She didn't know what words to say. After dinner was over, everyone eventually began scattering out of the room. Haley bit her lip as she watched Nathan stand up and shrug on his coat.

Nathan gulped as he watched Haley stand up. Her dress was a lot shorter than what his mind let him think. His mind flashed to the moment he was between them. He quickly shook his head at that. He shouldn't be thinking that way. "Thanks for..picking me."

Haley nodded as she reached for her bag. "I guess I should give you your gift."

"You don't have too-."

"I actually do but that's not the only reason I want to give you a gift I mean.." She stumbled on her words and with her red cheeks she noticed he was grinning at her. "What?"

Nathan shook his head as he bit back a smirk. "Nothing, what are you giving me?"

Haley bit her lip harder as she reached into her bag and pulled out a medium sized box covered in white wrapping paper and blue ribbons. "If you don't like it you can return it I think."

Nathan glanced at her with a raised eyebrow before he started to pull off the ribbons and open the box. He reached in and pulled out a watch. It was simple but it was a watch he would buy for himself. It had a gray face and simple black leather strap. It didn't have any numbers only the hands of the watch. "This is great, Hales."

Haley was sure why the slip of her nickname from his mouth caused her to have such a frenzy. It caused her spin to tingle all the way to her toes. "Are you sure?"

Nathan had already started putting it on. Once it was on, he shook his arm to make sure it was secured and he grinned at it. "I guess it will help me be on time."

Haley laughed at that. "I sure hope so." She recalled all the times he ran late to their tutoring sessions last year or just being late in general. "I'm glad you like it."

Nathan looked at her for a hard moment and felt his wall start to build right back up. He couldn't let himself be so vulnerable. Especially with her. She had his heart and she squeezed it in her fingers. Well, that's how it felt like. He wondered if that was what falling in love was like. Allowing someone to squeeze the life out of you. "Thank you for the gift."

Haley felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked at him. He was so much bigger than she was. So much stronger. He saved her so many times but if being civil was all they could be, she would be happy with that. "I guess I should get going." She pointed toward the door and offered him another small smile before she headed out.

"Hey." Nathan called out softly and he watched her quickly turn around. She looked so drained. Besides her attire, he finally took in her appearance. Her eyes were emotionless and there were dark circles around them. "Do you want to walk together? Your dorm is on my way home."

Haley nodded her head as she recalled what Andy had said earlier in their session. People have a way of surprising you. She looked as Nathan stood before her. Everything about them was dysfunctional. He said that himself but here he was and there she was. She wasn't sure what anything meant or where anything was headed but she felt safe when he was around. She felt everything and everyone slip away. She felt like she could actually be able to fall asleep. She glanced up at him and saw the look of doubt on his face. She didn't realize she was taking so long to respond. "I'd love that."


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven - I Already Forgot Everything You Said by _The Dig _

**When you think of all the things that I said to you,** **it wouldn't cut to the bone if it weren't true.**  
**You can keep them locked away inside your head** **but I already forgot everything you said. **

When Haley was little, her brother told her not to be afraid of the dark. She wasn't sure why or how but to this day, being in the dark absolutely terrified her. However, she was walking next to Nathan. She was still in her black dress but her black heels were in her hand as she walked alongside him on the sidewalk. They hadn't uttered a single word to one another since they left the student union. She didn't really know what to say. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was still skipping a beat.

Nathan looked at her from the corner of his eye. She was staring down at the ground as they walked. He wasn't sure how good of an idea this was but he was happy she wasn't walking home alone. "Do you want my jacket?"

Haley glanced over at him as she continued to have her arms wrapped around herself. It was becoming chiller at night but nothing that she wasn't used too. She felt if she accepted his jacket, she would never give it back. She would be captivated by his sent. She already felt herself inhaling his Old Spice. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Nathan questioned as he still walked alongside her. "You're shivering."

Haley noted that this was probably the most conversation they've had in months. She didn't want the night to end. Their defenses were still up, she knew that because hers surely were. "Yeah. Thank you though."

Nathan nodded as he put his hands into his pant pockets. It was a beautiful night. The sky was clear and the campus was empty. He felt like they were the only people left on the planet. The thought was comforting in a strange way. He wasn't really sure what had caused him to ask her to walk with him. He saw her standing there and after she gave him the watch, he didn't want her to leave. He didn't notice it at the time but when he was playing with it as she said her goodbyes, she had made a small inscription on the back of the watch. _Always -H. _He wondered what that meant. "How has school been?"

Haley was surprised he was actually interested in talking to her this much. She knew that no matter what defenses he put up or the cruel words he could say, he was still a decent guy at the end of the day. She wondered if he was just being polite. She bit her bottom lip as she hugged herself tighter. "It's alright." She offered quietly as she watched her bare feet hit the sidewalk. "I think I decided on a major."

"Really?" Nathan asked with genuine interest. Haley was a bright girl with many talents. He knew whatever she picked to do, she would do well in. "What?"

Haley cleared her throat. As she spoke she watched the cold air come from her lips. "I want to be an English teacher."

Nathan found himself slightly smirking at that. He pictured her in a classroom going off about some novel. Her eyes lightening up with every word she spoke and her heart in every meaning she gave. She would be great at that. She saved his ass multiple times last year in his English class. "I can see it."

Haley didn't know why his approval suddenly made her feel better about it. She didn't need his approval nor did she seek it but the simply fact of knowing it was there comforted her. She missed him. She missed their banter. She missed his touch. "Are you excited about the season?" She felt some confidence seep within her as they walked. She wanted to know how he was doing. She wanted him to be happy.

"Yeah." Nathan smiled as he thought about it. "High Flyers got me really excited. I learned some new things." He cleared his throat. His defenses building up even more. "I didn't have any distractions."

They remained silent after that. Haley's confidence disappearing as the seconds passed. She didn't know what else to say. She felt hurt but at the same time she felt like she deserved it. Even if that didn't make sense to a sane human being. She felt she deserved a lot of the things that happened to her. Maybe she was damaged from the beginning. Maybe her whole entire life was just a test to prove that she wasn't worth it. The question seemed to echo in her mind as they walked in silence. She was grateful but sad when her dorm came into view. Once they got close enough she cleared her throat and turned to face him. "I guess I'll see you around." She gave him a tight smile but as her hand gripped the door she heard him softly mutter her name. She spun around and looked at his hard expression face. "Yeah?"

Nathan cleared his throat and looked at the ground for a moment before he turned his attention back onto her. "Why did you do it?" He took in her confusion and re-chose his words. "Why did you pick me?"

The first thought in her mind was _I don't know. _She didn't know. Well maybe she knew but not in a sense that could be described with in to him used to be so easy. Then life happened. Her past, his past, her future, his future. Everything got in the way. Brooke often talked about fate and Haley wondered if this was fate's way of telling her that this wasn't in store for her life. Nathan seemed to surely believe that. He said they didn't work. He's said it more than once but she always felt pulled toward him. She always felt something for him. Even standing there in the cold something in her ached for him. It didn't make sense but she didn't know if it was supposed to make sense. "I didn't want anyone else." She didn't look up as she spoke.

"So I'm just some toy you decided you wanted again?"

Her head shot up at that. She felt offended. "God, Nathan. No."

"What am I supposed to think, Haley?" He wanted the pain to go away. The throbbing in his chest. It was different than the feeling he got when he lost his sister and lost his friend. This was a loss from someone who left him because they simply could.

Haley looked around him. The world seemed still. She felt safe but she wasn't comfortable anymore. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and her arms were filled with goosebumps but it wasn't due to lack of warmth outside. "What do you want me to say, Nathan? I said if you weren't comfortable to tell me."

"Just forget it."

Haley felt her own temper rise as she watched his jaw clench. She had caused this. She had caused everything about this situation. When she left around last Christmas, how she closed herself off after Mitchell died and how she didn't make it to the airport. This man that she didn't know was because of her own doing. He hurt her but she hurt him more. She hurt everyone she cared about. The realization hit her hard. "I need to go."

Nathan watched as she headed in the opposite direction of heading into her dorm. She had dropped her shoes and she started to quickly pick up her pace from the slow walk she had earlier. He walked after her. "What are you doing, Haley? It's late. Get inside."

Haley felt tears making their way to her face. She had hurt him so bad but he was still caring about her general well being. She was the monster. Not the scars on her skin or the person who inflicted them. She was the monster. Her. She quickly picked up her pace but before she could get much further she felt him tug on her arm to stop her.

"What are you-." He spun her around and saw that she was sobbing. His anger quickly subsided and his grip on her arm loosened. His heart clenched at the sight. He had only witnessed Haley James cry openly three times. "Haley."

Haley shook off his arm as she felt a sob erupt in her throat. It took her a few minutes to calm down but once she did, she looked at him softly. "I'll ask Brooke to switch with me. I'm sorry." I'm sorry wasn't even enough. She didn't know what else to say. She wanted to just apologize and apologize.

"No, it's fine."

"No, it's not fine." Haley hiccuped at the end as she rubbed underneath her nose. "It's not fair to you. I don't know why I even tried."

"Haley..just leave it. It's fine." He felt weak as he spoke. He didn't want to make her cry. He hated that she was crying. He never wanted her to cry. Despite looking beautiful while crying, the image always stuck out to him. Her brown eyes would be bigger as they released tears. Her nose would become red and her nostrils would flare. He never everything about her. He knew what made her smile and what made her smirk. He hated that he knew all those things but at the same time, he didn't want to know any of those facts about someone else. "Go back inside."

Haley looked at him hard for another moment before she walked past him and walked in the direction he told her to go.

* * *

"You know, for someone being quiet you're awfully loud."

Brooke turned her head to look up at Julian. They were laying next to one another in his bed at his apartment. She was laying flat on her back and he was laying on his left side. Her and Julian hadn't been intimate yet. Well, not that way. She never thought in her life that a boy would tell her they were moving too fast after make-out sessions. It charmed her and it made her realize how much Julian respected her. "Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind I guess."

"Well, care to share, Ms. Davis?" Julian asked softly as he placed a kiss underneath her ear. He pulled away and leaned on his hand.

Brooke looked at him before she turned on her own side so she could face him. "What did Alex get you?"

Julian gave her a hard look before he exhaled. "Why does it matter?"

"I just want to know." Brooke said softly. She hated how she sounded as she hated that she continued to feel this way. She knew she shouldn't yet she couldn't control herself. Her insecurities were always something that got in the way of things. Especially as of recently.

Julian took a deep breath before he turned around and sat up on the bed so that his feet were on the ground. He brought a tired hand to his face. "Why does it matter, Brooke?" He turned his head to see that she was sitting up in his bed. "I tell you everyday that I'm in love with you and it doesn't seem to even matter."

Brooke's eyes widened. "Of course it matters." She sat up straighter as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Does it?" Julian questioned softly. He gave her a hard look over before he stood up. "It's like no matter what I say or do, Alex gets dragged back into this. What do you want me to do, Brooke? Shun her? I can't do that and I won't do that."

"I wasn't asked you to do that." Brooke's voice was hoarse as she spoke. She got out of the covers and sat on her knees in the middle of his bed. "I just-."

"You have to trust me." Julian said softly. He shook his head as he brought a hand through his hair. "I'm in love with you and to me, that means just you and no one else."

Brooke took in the raw emotion of his voice. She hated how she was being. She didn't want to be that annoying girlfriend but sometimes she couldn't help it. Her insecurities seemed to be visible on her skin. No matter where she went, she saw them. "But it's-."

"Alex." Julian finished with a shake of his head. He didn't understand. At least not fully. He loved her and loved her more than he loved anything in this world. "I was with Alex after you cheated on me, Brooke. What do you want me to say?"

Brooke looked at him hard for a moment before she shook her head and started to get out of bed. She was acting ridiculous and she knew she was. She wasn't mad at him for mentioning it but she was mad at herself for being so foolish at the time.

Julian brought a hand to his face as he watched Brooke walk into his bathroom. He didn't mean for it to sound crude. He walked slowly toward the bathroom door and reached for the knob. He was happy that it was unlocked. When he walked inside he saw her sitting on the toilet-seat lid. He cleared his throat and flicked on the light. The light made them both close their eyes for a moment before they adjusted to the light. "I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who's sorry." Brooke said softly as she looked up at him. "I'm sorry that I'm so insecure about this."

Julian crouched down before her. "Well, when you feel this way I want you to talk to me about it but I never want you to think I compare your beauty or your intelligence to someone else. I've never been that guy and I never wanna be that guy but if I ever do become that guy, I give you permission to slap me."

Brooke cracked a smile at that. She brought her hand to the side of his face before she brought her forehead against his. "You must think I'm crazy."

"That's not true." He leaned in and kissed her softly. If he was able to kiss Brooke Davis everyday for the rest of his life, he couldn't find a single thing to complain about. "I think you're human." He kissed her softly again. "We're not the people we exactly were last year but I think we're better than them."

"What do you mean?"

"I think we're growing. Growing as individuals and we're growing as a couple. We both have insecurities but we shouldn't."

"Julian, I hurt you. That will always be there." Brooke's voice cracked as she heard her words bounce of the linoleum floor. "Alex was there and it kills me."

"Alex was there." Julian agreed as he looked at Brooke in the eye. "She was there and she helped me but she lead me right back there." He pointed to the space between them. "I don't think this will ever be easy. We're gonna work for it but isn't that what love is?"

"If love is a labor, I'll slave till the end."

Julian smirked at that. "See, I knew you loved that _Rise Against_ album."

Brooke shook her head as she leaned in and kissed him. This time, it lasted longer than the first few pecks. She pulled away and brought her arms around her neck. "I'm sorry I'm so insecure."

Julian shrugged. "I love you for that." He kissed her nose. "Flaws and all, Brooke Davis."

* * *

"That's all she said?"

Clay looked across his kitchen table at his twin sister. He nodded and ran a tired hand over his face. His mind was still in a fog and his thoughts were still all over his brain. He felt so confused. He felt so betrayed. "Pretty much."

"Have you tried talking to her?" Haley watched Clay shake his head no. She bit her lip as she looked down at her still full plate. After her classes that Thursday, she had decided to take the bus to Tree Hill and have dinner with her brother. He had filled her in about the recent news regarding their mother - ergh well, kind of mother. "That's so like her." Haley rolled her eyes as she pushed around the green beans. "Does she know that I know?"

Clay shrugged as he brought his elbows onto the table and rested his chin against his hands. "She seemed pretty baffled that I even knew about Ellie."

Haley's hand stilled at the mention of the name. She had dreams about Ellie recently. She wasn't sure what they meant and she wasn't sure she wanted to know what they meant. Would their life be different if Ellie had raised them? Clay told her that Ellie had been a substance abuser as well. Maybe her life would be the same. "Have you talked to _her?"_

"No." Clay said honestly as he looked into the eyes that mirrored his own. "Lindsey is doing this family tree for the baby and I don't even know what to tell her."

Haley looked at him hard for a second before she reached into her bag beside her. "I need to ask you something." She dug around her bag before she pulled out the photograph of them at their eighth birthday party. She slid it across the table but her hand was pointed on the dark skinned man in the corner. "Do you know who this is?"

Clay looked at Haley for a moment before he looked down at the picture. He rubbed his eyes to get the tiredness out of them so he could look at the photo better. He squinted as he took in the man's features. They were strong but subtle. "I don- wait." He pushed the forehead closer to him. "I don't know his name but I worked a few deals with him."

Haley sat up straighter in her chair. "Deals?"

Clay nodded and got a look of shame on his face. "When you can't afford using, you can make deals."

"What did you do?" Haley feared the answer but she had asked it anyway.

Clay cleared his throat. He wasn't proud of this. He hated that his past defined who he was. He wasn't proud of it. He wasn't proud of it at all. When Lindsey would ask him questions late at night in bed, he often found himself shying away or pretending to be asleep. Like his sister, he hated talking about his childhood. He just wanted to move forward. "Stole stuff." He looked down at the table and begin picking at it. "It wasn't anything big. Well, I guess that's a lie."

"You never.." Haley's voice caught in her throat. "You never killed anyone, did you?"

Clay looked at her hard for a moment before he shook his head. "No but I saw a lot of people get killed. I never want to go back there."

Haley nodded in understanding. "Do you ever fear he'll find us?"

Clay didn't really know the last time he had talked about his father with Haley. They never mentioned it. It was always like the scratch you couldn't itch. It was always there but if you chose to ignore it, the ache would go away. "Everyday. When Bear came to see me at Rehab last year, I was terrified but I think he got out too."

Haley nodded as she glanced at the picture in Clay's hand. "Do you think Bear knew his name?"

"Maybe." Clay said softly as he glanced back down at the photo. "Why do you even have this?"

Haley cleared her throat as she sat back in her chair. She knew he would ask that question. She didn't know why she didn't bother just telling him from the get-go. "Promise not to freak out or beat yourself up that you don't know who he is?" Clay nodded. "I'm pretty sure he's the one who pushed us over the bridge."

Clay's eyes widened as he glanced back at the picture again. Of course Haley said not to beat himself up but he couldn't help but do so. That accident had almost cost him his sister and it caused so much grief for her that he felt it sometimes himself. "I see him in my head but I can't think of his fucking name."

Haley nodded. "Yeah, same for me." She looked around the empty house. The house was quiet. "Where is Lindsey?"

Clay finally put the picture down and slid it back over to her. "She went to UNC for the day." He tried to see if his sister would show some emotion over the fact but she didn't. Instead she took the picture and placed it into her bag before letting out a sigh. "What?"

"I don't even know."

* * *

"I can't believe you like Imagine Dragons!" Peyton sat indian style on Nathan's bed as she shuffled threw his iPod with the girl next to her. She saw Nathan roll his eyes as he sat his desk.

Lindsey smiled softly as she looked at Nathan and then back at Peyton. "He doesn't. I put them on there." She received a playful glare from her best friend before he returned back to his computer. She felt happy to be back at UNC. She spent the day with Nathan and she loved it. She found herself loving Peyton as well. The girl was witty, smart and had a great taste in music. "How did you two meet?"

Peyton looked up from the iPod and with a laugh glanced at Nathan. "You want to tell her the story?"

"Not really." Nathan didn't turn away from his computer but you could hear the smile in his voice.

Peyton rolled her eyes as she turned to Lindsey with a small smile. Nathan had told her about Lindsey a few weeks about but she had put the scenario together herself. She could see how much Nathan cared about her. It warmed her heart and made her view him a bit differently. "He literally ran into me." She pointed to the small scar on her cheek.

"Nathan!" Lindsey gasped as she clutched the pillow in her lap. "What did you do?"

Nathan had spun back around with an annoyed glare, as if he had heard Peyton tell the story a hundred times before. "One, she ran into me. Two, I apologize twice and she was a bitch about it."

Peyton shrugged at that. She was kind of a bitch to him. She turned toward Lindsey with a big smile. "How did you two meet?"

Lindsey's eyes widened as she glanced at Nathan. "When did we meet?"

"The womb." Nathan said without question. He cracked a smile as he ran a hand through his hair. "Our moms were best friends and well, we literally were around another our whole life."

"That's pretty awesome." Peyton mustered as she smiled between the pair. "Have you guys ever kissed or anything?"

Lindsey's eyes grew even wider and her cheeks reddened. "Peyton, I'm a married woman.."

Nathan only smirked. "I was her first and best kiss."

Lindsey rolled her eyes as she threw her pillow in his direction. "Cocky as usual." She had missed hanging out with Nathan around campus. She suddenly felt slightly envious of Peyton. Not that she felt replaced but that she was jealous of the time they got to share together. "It was the best two-second first kiss ever."

Nathan smirked in approval. "Damn straight it was. I hope your kid can hear that."

Peyton glanced down at Lindsey's stomach. "You're pregnant?"

Lindsey looked at her for a moment before she nodded and brought her hand to her stomach. "I am."

Nathan felt nervous about that fact. He just wanted her to be okay. Of course the way Lindsey talked about her baby and the way she seemed to glow lately was great but he couldn't fight the terror that filled him at the thought. Cancer and Lindsey had been terrifying. He didn't know how he could ever come back if something happened to Lindsey. He couldn't imagine a world without her in it. She was all he really knew. She was a foundation. She was his block. "I did something kind of stupid." Nathan interrupted the baby talk. He watched as the two woman turned to him with a bemused expression. "With Haley."

"Oh." Lindsey said softly as she turned her whole body in Nathan's direction. "What now?"

"You know about Haley?" Peyton asked softly as she turned her body in Nathan's direction as well.

Lindsey wanted to snicker. Nathan really did suck at filling people in. "I'm married to her brother."

"It's like I've learned more in the past five minutes than the past four weeks." Peyton said teasingly as she stuck her tongue out at Nathan. "Now what did you do this time?"

Nathan rolled his eyes. Of course when he decided to talk about it, he was talking about it to two women. "I asked her why she picked me for her baller boy."

"BEEEEP. Wrong decision, my friend." Peyton said quickly with a shake of the head. "Well, wait. Is there anything else I should know about Haley?"

Nathan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I told you everything." A few days ago, he couldn't keep it in anymore, he had to talk to someone about it. Peyton was close and becoming a good friend. It finally felt good to express his feelings and talk to someone about it. "She like freaked out."

"Well, have you just met Haley, Nathan?" Lindsey asked softly as she reflected on her sister-in-law. "She's just.." She couldn't think of the proper word.

"Fucked up?" Peyton added softly. Her words weren't cruel. They seemed almost delicate and they seemed to be more understanding than anything. "I think she's trying, Nathan and you -."

"And I should what?" Nathan interrupted with a slight raised tone. "Act like the past year didn't happen? I asked her to come to the airport and she didn't-."

"She didn't come, yada yada yada." Peyton interrupted herself. "You know, people are allowed to be scared of their feelings. She seems to be a prime example of that."

"She's right, Nathan." Lindsey added softly. "Haley just..she's scared and if you knew her whole story you would understand."

"I just want to be done with it. I hurt her, she hurts me and I can't do it anymore."

Peyton looked at Lindsey for a long moment before she turned to Nathan. "Are you sure about that?"

Nathan looked at them for another moment before he turned back to his desk. He heard them start talking about some band a few minutes later but he wasn't paying attention. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.

* * *

Brooke worked happily on her design projects in her living room. She had placed her sketches before her and she had placed all her utensils around her. Her homework, even though it was supposed to be labor, was something she enjoyed doing. She thought of how Julian and Haley considered this a hobby. She was about to bring her pen across the page to color in a dress when Haley walked out of her room. They were on good speaking terms. It made Brooke happy and somewhat sad. She wasn't exactly sure why that was. "Hey."

Haley nodded at her with a small smile. "Hi." She stood awkwardly in space that connected the hallway and the living room. "Can you help me with something?"

Brooke nodded with a smile as she put down her pen. "What's up?"

Haley pulled a hair dye box from behind her back and smiled sheepishly at Brooke. "Do you think you could.."

Brooke had already stood up and took the box from Haley. It was the honey-blonde color that Brooke was used to seeing Haley in. Well, she was used to the dark auburn but Brooke thought anything was better than the god awful black Haley had dyed her hair. She quickly started preparing Haley and was grateful that the task didn't take too the long. The too were sitting on Brooke's bathroom floor as Haley's hair laid wrapped around her head. "What made you want to dye it back?"

Haley shrugged as she placed her feet against the cold tub. "I guess I missed it."

Brooke nodded and smiled softly. She tapped her hands against her legs. "Are you ready for Midnight Madness?" She was asking about the basketball game that night. It was the beginning of the season. The game was more like a pre-season opener. Everyone got to view the team and the cheerleaders got to actually cheer along with the boys.

"I'm kinda nervous." Haley said honestly as she inhaled the scent of the hair dye in her hair. "I think picking Nathan was a really bad idea."

Brooke's eyebrows narrowed. "Do you really think that?"

Haley didn't want to bring up the night she had with Nathan. It pained her to even think about mentioning it. She felt this whole cheerleading thing was wrong. This wasn't who she was but she was doing it anyway. She wondered why and for whom. She enjoyed the late practices with Brooke and she enjoyed all the running they did. Brooke had actually gotten a bit better. "I don't know but I asked Alex if we were allowed to switch and she said no."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Of course she did." She exhaled as she smiled softly at Haley. "I'm really jealous of her."

"What for?"

That was the million dollar question that Brooke continued to face. "I honestly couldn't tell you." She let out a sigh. "She got Julian a Polaroid camera."

"Doesn't he already have like a million of those?"

Brooke smiled softly as she shook her head. "She got him an antique one. I guess they are really rare and only a few were made. I think he's afraid to love it because of how I act about her."

"You can't help how you feel." Haley spoke softly as she leaned her head against the bathroom sink. "But Julian loves you. It's clear to anyone who sees you two in the same room together."

"I know, I just. I worry I'm not enough."

Haley didn't offer anything more. She sat across from Brooke and for the first time in awhile, she felt exactly where she was supposed to be.

* * *

Nathan smiled in satisfaction as he heard the final buzzer for the game. They had won by over twenty points. His sweat and the ache in his muscles were just enough proof. He finally allowed himself to hear the roar of the audience. He was usually really good about tuning them out. He wanted to hear them though. They were screaming his name. He smiled as he watched his mother and Keith come down to the floor. He quickly wrapped his arms around her.

Karen smiled into her son's embrace. She pulled away and brought her hand to his cheek. "I'm so proud of you."

Nathan smiled at her and felt Keith pat his back. The words from his mother had made his good night a great one. He loved when she came to games. "Did you guys have any problems with your seats?"

Karen shook her head as she folded her arms across her chest and glanced at her son. "You look so graceful out there."

"Mom.." Nathan stated softly with a smile. He felt Keith pat his back again. He was about to ask them what they wanted to do for dinner when his mother interrupted him.

"I didn't know Haley was a cheerleader."

Nathan turned his head and like clock-work, there she was. Her dark hair was now gone and replaced with the soft honey-blonde. It was curled and half of it was tucked away from her face. She stood awkwardly between the other girls. He didn't even notice her as he was playing but in the moment, he was grateful he didn't. She would have distracted him. He cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah."

Karen gave him a small smile. "Well that's nice."

Nathan shrugged but once again before he could ask him mother a question he was interrupted

"Nathan."

Nathan turned his head and saw his father standing before him. His step-mother, Jules was standing a few feet behind on her iPhone. Nathan rolled his eyes at the sight. He watched as his mother stood awkwardly still.

"Good game, son." Dan Scott said confidently as he made his way toward his son. He stuck out his hand. After shaking it, he turned around to the company around him. "Brother." He turned his head again. "Karen."

"Dan." Keith muttered as he glanced at his brother before putting a comforting arm around his wife.

Dan rolled his eyes at the gestured and turned his attention back onto Nathan. "The beginning was a litt-."

"Well hello there!" Everyone turned as Peyton made her way toward the awkward standing ground. She smiled brightly at Nathan and then turned towards the rest of them. She had watched the whole exchange and by the change in Nathan's facial expression, she thought she might as well jump in. "Mrs. Scott.." Peyton was startled when both Scott women turned toward her. "Weird. Well, it's nice meeting you. I'm Peyton."

Karen's eyes widened as she took in Peyton's appearance. "Peyton you say?"

"Ye-."

"She's just a friend, mom." Nathan added quickly as he saw the familiar look on his mother's face. He turned toward his father and gave a tight smile. "I just played one of the best games of my life, dad."

"Nath.." Keith tried to interrupt but Dan held his hand up.

"I'm not saying it wasn't a good game, Nathan. I'm saying that you can always be better."

Nathan shook his head as he felt the sinking feeling return toward his stomach. The feeling of never being enough. He wondered if that feeling would ever go away and if so, when. "Yeah." He muttered as he turned toward his mother. "I'm gonna go change." He didn't mutter another word. He turned around and headed toward the hallway that would lead toward the locker room. As he pushed the door toward the hallway open, he saw her standing there. She was leaning against the wall and she looked to be waiting for someone but he didn't care. He walked toward her and stood right before her. "For right now, I'm not me and you're not you."

Haley looked up at him a bit startled before she looked around the empty hallway. "Wha-."

Nathan cut her off as he brought his lips to hers. It felt so familiar. She tasted like strawberries but he couldn't tell if it was because of her lipgloss or because she had actually consumed some. It took her a moment before she responded to him. Her lips moving against his like they already knew how. She clung to his jersey but once she moaned his name, he pulled away. She looked at him in confusion and he took a step back. His chest heaving and his mind consumed by thoughts he couldn't control. "I want to hate you." He spoke softly in almost a whisper but she heard it. "But I can't." He took a deep breath before continuing back down the hallway.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight - Nicotine by _Panic! At the Disco_

**I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you.**  
**So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do.**

"So, what happened after that?"

Nathan looked at Peyton as he continued to play his round of NBA Live. It was Saturday evening and he found himself lounging around his apartment with Peyton and Quentin. It was humble and quiet but he liked it. "What do you mean what happened after that?"

Peyton rolled her eyes as she tossed her sketchbook next to her and sat up on the couch. Nathan and Quentin were next to her focusing intently on their game. "You just kissed her and that's it?" She heard Quentin snicker. "What?"

Quentin looked over at her for a brief second before he focused back at the game. "It's Nate and Haley."

"So?" Peyton muttered as she crossed her arms and found herself staring at the television screen. "You can't just tell her you don't want anything with her and then kiss her."

Nathan remained silent but Quentin nodded. Nathan glared at him from the corner of his eye. "I just needed too."

"Needed to what? Fuck up her head even more?" Peyton leaned over so her face was in line with Quentin's and Nathan's. "She doesn't deserve that."

Nathan knew that. Haley James deserved a lot better than what he had to offer. She needed someone who wasn't as equally fucked up as her. He honestly didn't know why he kissed her. He just wanted a reminder of some sort. He wanted something to calm him down. He hated to admit it but that's what she did. Peyton was right but he didn't want to let her know that she was. He focused back onto his video game.

"I'm hungry." Quentin announced as he paused the game and tossed the controller before him. He stood up and looked between the pair. "I'm gonna go pick up and pizza or something. Do you guys want anything?"

Nathan shook his head as he leaned his head against the couch. He watched Quentin smile before he left the apartment. He closed his eyes but soon he felt Peyton sneak her feet into his lap. He opened his eyes. "No."

Peyton sat up and pouted slightly. "Nathan please. Cheerleading has been brutal and I cheered all night for your scrawny ass."

"If anyone is scrawny, it's you." He defended but he found himself starting to rub her small feet. He enjoyed hanging out with Peyton but it sure made him miss Lindsey. They were similar. Peyton was more outspoken but that was basically it. "Am I really an ass?"

Peyton took a deep breath before she glanced over at him. "No. I just think you need to sort out your own problems before getting involved with Haley or well whatever you guys do-."

"It's-"

"Complicated." Peyton finished for him as she crossed her arms over one another. She knew it was complicated. She didn't really know Haley but she often caught glimpses of her at cheer practice. Haley was often quiet and reserved but she could see a small flare in the girl whenever Rachel bossed her around. She could also see why Nathan adored her, even if he didn't want to admit it. She liked Haley, even though she didn't know her that well. Yeah she was fucked up and so was Nathan but they seemed like the perfect pair the more she heard about them. Even if Haley brought out a bad side of Nathan, she was the only one to bring out his absolute best side too. "Brooke talked to me today."

"Really?" Nathan turned to her surprised. "What did she say?"

Peyton smirked softly. "Hello."

Nathan shook his head. "I don't get her."

"Haley or Brooke?"

Nathan scoffed slightly. He continued to rub her feet. "I guess both. You didn't really do anything to Brooke. You couldn't help that you were busy." When he was answered with silence he narrowed his eyebrows at her. "Unless that wasn't it."

Peyton took a deep breath. "I wasn't the greatest friend."

Nathan was slightly surprised. Peyton was a great friend to him. Sure, she was bitchy and she had her major PMS moments but she always was there when he needed to talk to someone. She practically came over everyday just so he wasn't alone. "What do you mean?"

Peyton bit her lip as she slowly pulled her feet out of Nathan's lap. "You can't judge me, okay?"

"Okay.."

Peyton took a deep breath. "I got with this guy Brooke knew."

Nathan shrugged at that. So what? "I mean, you can't control who you like."

Peyton took a deep breath. "That's not all..honestly, don't judge me."

"I have no room to judge." Nathan said honestly. He could tell it was serious by the sudden change in Peyton's usually sassy behavior. She seemed like she was embarrassed. "Look if you don't want to tell me, you don't have too."

Peyton shook her head and tucked a curl behind her ear. "I was seeing Brooke's...dad."

Nathan's eyes grew wide at that. He expected an ex-boyfriend of the sort but not someone's dad. He couldn't judge her though. It wasn't really his place. "How did she find out?"

Peyton took a deep breath as she brought her knees toward her chest. "This summer. She kinda walked in.."

"I don't need the visual."

"Right, sorry." Peyton muttered as she thought of the memory for another second. She shook her head at the thought of it. She didn't know what she was thinking when she had started seeing Ted Davis. She knew him since she was young but being almost twenty years old, she saw him differently. He certainly saw her differently. It had only lasted a few months and she hadn't told anyone except for Nathan and , Brooke had found out all on her own. "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

Nathan shrugged. "My step-dad is my uncle."

Peyton narrowed her eyes. "What?"

Nathan laughed slightly and tried to ease the tension Peyton seemed to radiate after confessing her secret. "I honesty couldn't think of anything else to saw." He laughed a bit more before he settled into silence. "He didn't hurt you or anything did he?"

Peyton was a bit surprised by the tone in Nathan's voice. She never really had anyone be protective about her before. Well, not the way Nathan was being. She glanced in his eyes and saw they grew darker as he waited for her to respond. "No."

Nathan nodded as he thought about it. "Are you still seeing him?"

Peyton shook her head quickly. "Once Brooke knew it kinda set things in perspective." She took a deep breath and brought her knees into her chest. "I was an idiot in love with a man who would never love me."

Nathan took in her words and nodded his head. "I know how you feel."

Peyton was about to speak but the door opened. "Damn Quentin that was-." She stopped when she watched Chase and Haley walk into the living room. Speak of the devil. "Hey guys." She turned her attention to watch Nathan suddenly look down at his lap. She wondered what they were doing together.

"Hey." Chase nodded at them as he gestured for Haley to follow him down the hallway.

Peyton noted that Haley hadn't really uttered a word. She looked over and watched as Nathan seemed to be lost in thought. "Are you okay?"

Nathan turned his head and remembered that he wasn't alone. He let out a breath and shrugged. He hadn't really thought about how Haley and Chase were friends. His mind wandered to the time he saw Chase kiss Haley. The thought angered him. He didn't want someone else touching her. Especially someone like Chase. He saw red in his eyes but he quickly shook his head at it. "Yeah, sure."

"Nathan.."

Nathan shrugged her off and resumed his video game. Only as he made his animated basketball player run down the court did he notice that Chase had closed his bedroom door.

* * *

Haley finally took a breath as she made her way into Chase's room. She didn't even think about Nathan being there. She felt like she interrupted them during an intimate moment. She found herself slightly envious of it. She hadn't spoken to Nathan since the night of Midnight Madness. Not that she really talked. He kissed her land it set her soul on fire but he also said he wanted to hate her.

"Sorry, I didn't know anyone one would be here."

Haley wasn't mad at Chase. He didn't know. Her heart felt like it was racing still. She tried to calm down as she looked around Chase's room. It was a simple room but she could tell it was his. A few posters hung on the walls and book shelf across from her seemed to be filled to the brim. She bit back a small smile. "So, how did it go?"

Chase looked over at Haley and grinned. He motioned for her to sit on his bed and he grabbed his desk chair before plopping across from her. "I honestly had the greatest time."

Haley smiled at that. Chase was a great guy. She felt a lot like Chase. Well, they had their differences sure but she felt like they are among the same ideas and beliefs. She connected with him quite quickly. "Did you kiss her?"

Chase shook his head. He felt like he was in middle school. "Yeah, I was so nervous." His ears grew red as he looked up to see Haley grinning at him. "What?"

Haley played with her hair as she watched him continue to fidget. Chase had finally asked out a girl he was crushing on from one of his English classes. Haley knew her name was Millicent Huxtable. Otherwise, she didn't know much about the girl. Chase seemed to have a total crush on her though. It was adorable. "Are you going to see her again?"

Chase nodded excitedly. "We're going to watch a movie on Tuesday."

Haley smiled at him. She was happy for him. "Good for you."

Chase smiled at the thought but his face grew serious. He enjoyed Haley's company. She was different but she was a good different. He had regretted not getting as close to her last year as he was close to her now. She was sitting at his bed staring at his comforter. He wished he would have texted Nathan to make sure he wasn't at the apartment before dragging Haley there. "Have you talked to him?"

"Nathan?" Haley questioned softly. Her heart constricted as she spoke his name. He was within a few feet of her but it didn't seem to matter. If he was a million feet away she would feel the same. "No."

Chase took a deep breath. Haley and Nathan were two of the most stubborn people he knew. It was almost annoying to deal with but not annoying in the term of the word. He just didn't understand why they weren't together. "When was the last time you talked?"

Haley shrugged her shoulders as she fell back against his bed. It was soft. It reminded her of her childhood bedroom. She would lay on her bed for hours. "He kissed me yesterday."

Chase's eyes grew wide as he stood up and made his way toward the other side of the bed. He flopped down next to her. He stared at his ceiling and could hear the noise from the TV in the living come in from under his door. "How do you feel about it?"

Haley didn't know. She hadn't spoken about it to anyone until now. She figured it was what it was. She couldn't really do anything about it. She never could. "He said he wished that he hated me but he couldn't." She felt her heart pierce at the word. It broke her heart. "I deserve it anyway."

"What do you mean?"

Haley looked over at him as she took a deep breath. "I deserve him hating me. I honestly feel like I ruined everything and that he would be better off without knowing me."

Chase thought about it for awhile. He shook his head and looked at her. "Nah."

"You're just saying that because you're my friend."

"That's exactly why I'm saying it." Chase said honestly. He remained looking at her. "My life wouldn't be what is it without you here."

Haley nodded but she didn't really pay much attention to the soft words Chase was saying. Her eyes felt woozy and before she knew it, they were closed. When she woke up, the room was pitch black. She glanced next to her and saw that Chase was fast asleep with his back to her. She shook off the blanket he must have placed around her and she quickly stood up. She reached for her iPhone on the nightstand and saw it was a little after four in the morning. She blinked her eyes quickly at the strong light her phone produced. She quickly reached for her shoes and her bag before tip-toeing out of the room. She made her way to the living room but she saw that she wasn't alone. Peyton was sitting in a chair reading what Haley assumed to be a textbook. "Hey."

Peyton looked up from her book and narrowed her eyes. "What time is it?"

"A little after four." Haley said quietly as she placed her bag onto her shoulder. "What are you doing?"

Peyton lifted up her textbook to show Haley the cover. "Art History. I'm majorly cramming right now." She cleared her throat. "I didn't even realize the time." Peyton stood up and stretched. Nathan had gone off to bed what seemed only a few minutes ago but now realizing the time, it must have been four or so hours ago. She started gathering her things. "Do you wanna walk back together?"

Haley didn't even realize she would have walked back to her dorm alone. She nodded quickly and watched as Peyton gathered her things. Haley often wondered what it was that made her so envious of Peyton. The friendship she had with Nathan played a role but there was something else that Haley couldn't explain.

A few minutes later they were walking out of the apartment side by side. Haley liked the silence and she liked that it wasn't awkward silence. It didn't last long.

"So you and Chase?" Peyton asked softly as she shoved her hands into her pockets as they walked. She was interested in the subject. After the honey-blonde had wandered to the back bedroom, Peyton noted that Nathan rarely ever took his eyes off the closed door.

"No. It's not like that." Haley couldn't help but sound irritated."We're just friends." Haley found herself wanting to ask Peyton if it was the same with her and Nathan but she didn't.

Peyton nodded as she accepted the answer. "He seems like a sweet kid."

"Yeah, he is." Haley added softly as she watched her feet walk against the sidewalk. Chase was a sweet kid and he was attractive but she didn't see him that way. She didn't see anyone that way except Nathan. That also irritated her. She wondered if she would ever get over him.

Peyton took a deep breath of air as she felt the chill air against her skin. She was liking North Carolina more everyday. She turned to see Haley inhaling the air too. She smiled softly. She didn't really have a friend that was a girl at school. Sure, the cheerleading team offered a lot of acquaintances but nothing more. "I'm totally worn down."

Haley turned her head slightly. "What do you mean?"

Peyton offered a small hand gesture and she shrugged. "It's that time in the semester where I feel so overwhelmed. Not only am I taking all these hard classes but cheerleading is really starting to take up my time."

Haley nod understandingly. She felt the same way. "My classes are dragging out too."

"My Art History class is going to be the death of me."

Haley brought her lip between her teeth as she glanced at Peyton who seemed to be smiling brightly despite the chill. "I could help you, if you want."

"Really?" Peyton was a bit surprised. Haley's tone was timid but when wasn't she? She didn't think she would want anything to do with her because of Brooke. "I don't know how to study for it."

Haley nodded as she wrapped her arms around herself. "I had this weird way but I always got an A. I'd be more than willing to help. It's a hard concept."

Peyton looked at her and smiled. "I'm in."

* * *

Brooke ran a tired hand over her face. She hated Monday's and Monday's hated her. She honestly had no idea how she was going to pass this semester. All her classes were challenging and they wore her to the brim. She was grateful that she was getting out of her last class. She couldn't wait to walk to her room and crawl back into her bed. As she walked to her room, she thought about her night with Julian last night. They had finally gotten so close to actually having sex but he yet again stopped it. Sure, she respected him and she loved that he respected her but she didn't see what they were waiting for. She surely never waited this long before having sex with a boy. Julian was different though. She reminded herself softly as she tried to shake her head of the negative thoughts that moved around in it.

She made her way toward her room and sighed in satisfaction as she placed the key into the lock. "Hey Ha-." She froze as she saw Haley sitting on the ground with Peyton next to her. There were a notecards all over the floor. She glanced at Peyton and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Hey guys."

Haley nodded at her roommate with a small smile as she turned back to Peyton. "How do you feel about it now?"

Peyton smiled softly as she started to gather the notecards from around her. "I feel a lot better. I owe you."

Haley turned to see Brooke staring at them from the kitchen counter. She turned her attention back toward Peyton who seemed not bothered by it at all. "Don't worry about it. If you have any more questions you know where I am."

Peyton stood up and smiled down at Haley. "Thanks Hales." She took a deep breath as she headed toward the door to go to her room across the hall. "Hey Brooke."

Brooke nodded at her and didn't speak until Peyton closed the door behind her. She made her way from behind the counter to where Haley was sitting on the floor. "What was that?"

Haley turned her head from her textbook to see Brooke staring at her with her hands on her hips. She shrugged softly as she played with the pages of her textbook as she remained staring at Brooke. "I was helping her study."

"Why?"

Haley narrowed her eyes as she looked at Brooke. "It was the decent thing to do." She turned her back and started to read more about the development of the English language. She heard Brooke sigh. "What?"

"Nothing." Brooke said a few moments later as she headed toward her bedroom. Her and Haley were back to what they were. They weren't the same as they were last Fall but they were more than just roommates. Brooke hated that Peyton had such an effect on her. She missed Peyton a bit but her rage masked that. She needed to stop being mad at the people she was close to for hanging out with people she didn't like. She knew it wasn't far but she also just didn't want them to get hurt the same way she had. She plopped down on her and inhaled the fresh scent of her pillow. She had homework but she didn't want to even think about doing it. As her eyes started drifting she heard her bedroom door open. She peeked open one eye as she saw Haley standing there. She yawned but sat up. "What's up?"

"Can I talk to you about something?" Haley said softly as she bit her lip. "We can talk later if you want to sleep."

Brooke shook her head. "It's fine. What's up?"

Haley made her way more into the room. She sat at the foot of Brooke's bed. The room was clean and tidy. Everything seemed in it's right place. "It will probably sound really stupid." Haley laughed a bit as she thought about it. She second guessed herself being in the room. "Maybe I should just let you sleep."

"Haley." Brooke said sternly as she crossed her arms across one another and looked at her friend. "You can talk to me whenever, you know that."

Haley did know that. She really just wanted to talk to someone about Nathan that actually understood her. Sure, she told Chase but that was just because she needed to tell someone. Brooke understood her to a tee and Brooke would be honest. "Nathan kissed me after the game."

Brooke's eyes widened. She was really expecting that. However, she noted that it was Nathan and Haley. They never didn't what was expected of them, not that that was a bad thing. "What?"

Haley gave out a slight cough as she brought her legs up so she was crossing her legs indian style. "I was waiting for you by the locker rooms and he just came up and kissed me." She got tingles as she thought about it. "Then after he said he wanted to hate me but he couldn't."

Brooke wanted to kick Nathan. Of course he said that. "I don't understand him."

"Yeah me either." Haley mumbled as she took a deep breath. "Sorry if I woke you for something that stupid."

"I wasn't sleeping and it wasn't stupid." Brooke said honestly as she looked at Haley hard. "I think Nathan is just dealing with a lot right now, not that I'm defending him." She wasn't. Nathan was complex but so was Haley. They were like two pieces of a puzzle that tried to fit together but they weren't exactly able to do so. "I also think you're dealing with a lot right now." She watched Haley slowly nod. "Maybe you should focus on what's on your plate instead of what's on someone else's."

Haley thought she was doing that. Well, she tried at least. Nathan always took her by surprise though. He would say something but act the opposite. She was the same way though. "Thank you."

Brooke smiled softly as she flashed Haley her dimple. "You don't have to thank me for anything." She took a deep breath before she spoke again. "That's what friends are for, right?"

Haley looked at Brooke and found herself smiling slightly too. "Right."

* * *

Nathan let out an irritated sigh. After basketball practice, he had gotten a text from the president of Sigma Pi saying they needed to have a meeting. They were in trouble with the university for giving alcohol to minors. It irritated him because he wasn't even at the house that weekend. He made his way up the deck of the familiar house and smiled slightly as he saw all of his fraternity brother's lounging in the living room. He had missed hanging out with the guys. He seemed to spend most of his time with Peyton and even though that was great, he really needed a night out with the guys.

"Hey Nate." Julian patted the spot next to him and watched as the dark-haired boy took a seat next to him. "Don't you like how we get in trouble even though we weren't even here?"

Nathan let out a small chuckle as he leaned back against the couch. "Loads." He turned his head and watched as Chase occupied the spot on the opposing couch. He hadn't really spoken to his roommate since seeing him Saturday night. He knew he was acting immature but he couldn't help himself. He listened as their president rambled on about the wronging of alcohol. They had this speech at least four times a year but Nathan rather get yelled at then get fined. After they listened to the small lecture, they remained sitting in the living room talking about things and just being boys. Nathan liked it.

"So, my boy Chase."

Nathan turned his head as he watched Kevin McDonald walk toward the boy across from him. He patted the boy's back and smirked at him.

"I heard you hooked up with a girl this weekend."

That's all it took for Nathan to tune out everyone else. He watched as Chase chuckled and nodded. Nathan felt himself clenching onto the couch under him. He was filled with envy and he was filled with something else he couldn't put a name on. He felt like he couldn't breathe and he felt like punching the grin off Chase's face. He quickly stood up and felt his feet move without thinking. He needed to get out of there. He heard Julian yell his name but he didn't turn around. He made his way out of the house and before he knew it, he was sprinting away.

He ran as he imagined Haley and Chase tangled in bed sheets. He needed the image out of his head. He ran faster. He imagined Haley moaning someone else's name. Someone that wasn't him. Someone touched Haley the way he had. His throat clenched but he tried to replace any feeling he had with anger. He grew angrier as his legs moved down the sidewalk. He didn't know if it was fate or instinct but his legs took him to the small record store. He was panting by the time he opened the door. The boy with weird shaped glasses behind the counter looked at him with an odd expression. He was panting. "Is Haley here?" The boy nodded as he called out her name. Nathan couldn't breathe. Why was he even here? Why did he fucking care? He shouldn't still care and he didn't want to fucking care. "You know what, never mind." He turned his back and headed out of the store. He made it a way down the sidewalk until he heard his name called out. He turned his head and watched as she stood a few feet away. His breath caught in his throat. Her hair was blowing softly around her in the wind. She was dressed in a navy green dress with a gray sweater wrapped around her. The confusion on her face was evident but she continued to close the gap between them until they were only a few feet apart.

Haley swallowed and glanced at him. His cheeks were red and his expression was unreadable. He was dressed up though. Well, somewhat. He was wearing a gray long sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans. She noticed he hadn't shaved today. He looked good with stubble. "Is everything okay?"

Nathan hated how his heart that was beating so rapidly from his run, slowed down at the tone of her voice. It was like his body needed her to function. He couldn't get the image of her and Chase out of his head. "Are you with Chase?"

What? Haley looked at him hard as she brought her hands into the pocket of her sweater. "What?"

Nathan took a deep breath and looked around them. There were a few people walking around them and a few others on the other side of the sidewalk. Everyone looked at them as they walked by. He wondered what they saw and how they saw them. "Are you-" He couldn't find himself to utter the word.

Haley looked at him hard for a moment before she shook her head. "We're just friends. Nothing more." She didn't understand why everyone made such a big deal about her and Chase being close friends. Nathan of all people knew what it was like to have a friend of the opposite sex. Why did Nathan even care? He was pretty honest with how he felt about her.

Nathan wanted to let out a sigh of relief but he just stared at her for a long moment before he nodded his head and turned around.

Haley's face watched in confusion as he started to walk away. She could have just turned around herself but she didn't. "That's it? You storm into my work and demand to see me then just walk away?"

Nathan didn't turn around right away. He watched an older woman and her husband stroll by them. He was surprised Haley was being so public about this. He turned his head and cleared his throat. "I just needed to know."

"Why does it even matter? We're not together." She mumbled the last part as she took her hands out of her pockets and crossed them over her chest. "If you want nothing to do with me, that's fine but you need to stop doing this."

Nathan looked at her and felt confusion make it's way toward his face. However, before he could speak, she spoke again.

"Everything that happens lately is because you want it or you don't. You're just dragging me along and it's not fair." She shook her head at him. "If you want to leave me alone, please just.. leave me alone." She spoke softly as she gave him one more glance before turning around and walking away.

* * *

Brooke smiled in satisfaction as she finished her design project. She glanced at the clock on the TV and noticed she still had about a half-hour before Julian was coming over. They were going to watch Gone With the Wind and Brooke couldn't wait. She finally was showing Julian a movie he hadn't watched before. She had no idea how he managed to not watch the movie.

She placed her project on the coffee table before she sprawled herself across the couch and let out a sigh. She really did hate Monday's but she was happy for how it was ending. As she let her mind wander, there was a soft knock at the door. Julian was early for once. "It's open!" The door remained shut. Brooke narrowed her eyes as she quickly stood up and made her way toward the door. Once she peeled it open she came face to face with a girl who was around her height. The girl had dark brown hair and way to much eye-linear. "Can I help you?"

The girl looked scared for a moment before she looked at the paper in her hand and then the number on the door. "I'm looking for.." she glanced at the paper. "Haley James and Brooke Davis."

Brooke looked at the girl for a moment before she nodded her head. "I'm Brooke. Haley isn't here right now."

"Oh." The girl mumbled softly as she folded the paper up and placed it into her back pocket. "I can come back another time." She started to turn around but she felt Brooke's hand on her arm.

"What are you doing here?"

The girl let out a soft breath as she watched Brooke retract her arm. "I just really wanted you both to be here. I had this big speech but now I have no idea what to say."

"Well, try." Brooke said softly as she watched the girl take a deep breath.

"My name is Sam. Sam Walker." She cleared her throat as she looked at Brooke hard in the eye. "You don't know me but I know who you are." She rolled her eyes but toward herself. "I even feel like I know you."

Brooke's eyes widened. She had no idea who this girl was. "I'm sorry but I don't follow."

"I know I sound crazy." Sam shook her head as she nodded toward the hallway. "I can just come back another time."

"Sam, just spit it out." Brooke stated as she watched the girl fight what appeared to be an internal battle. She was so confused.

"Last year, I got a new heart."

Brooke understood now. If this girl was going to go door to door asking for money she was going to flip. "That's great but look I barely have enough money-."

"I'm not asking for anything." Sam muttered as she cleared her throat. She felt her hands shaking. "I got a new heart." She started again as she looked at Brooke hard. "I was really grateful and it saved my life so I wanted to know who's heart I got and I wanted to know everything about them." She took a deep breath.

Brooke looked at her for a moment before she shook her head. "I really don't see why this has anything to do with me."

Sam took another breath as she looked at her dead in the eye. "I got my new heart from Mitchell Furgeson."

Brooke's eyes widened as she then took a moment to really look at the girl. The mention of his name almost brought tears to her eyes. She stepped aside and motioned toward the room. "Come on in."


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine - Hailey by _Lydia_

**Hailey, if you're out there,** **I wish you all the very best, dear.**  
**Yeah, got me away from there.**  
**And Hailey, if you're out there**, **I hope you made it through December.**  
**Yeah, that seems like such a blur.**

Haley wasn't sure how long she was staring at the girl sitting before her but she knew a good time had passed. She stared at her face and then toward her clothing. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie. Her eyes were covered in black eyeliner and she seemed to sink more and more into the couch as the silence filled up the room.

Brooke cleared her throat. She glanced at Haley who seemed to be in a trance. "So, do you go to UNC?"

Sam nodded her head slowly. "Sort of."

Brooke's forehead creased in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I'm a senior in high school but I'm taking a few college courses." Sam explained softly as she glanced around the room for what seemed to be the hundredth time. Her eyes fell upon a picture on the coffee table. It was of the two of them and a red headed boy. Sam knew that was Mitchell Furgeson from the articles she read about him and the pictures she saw. She felt like she knew him more than she knew herself. She glanced back toward the two faces sitting across from her. The brunette was staring at her in awe while the blonde was staring at her in utter shock. "If this is a bad time I can just leave."

Brooke shook her head. "It's not a bad time." She glanced between herself and Haley. "We just didn't know that Mitchell was an organ donor." Her voice cracked softly at the end but it was barely noticeable.

Sam nodded her head as she sat up straighter. "Yeah. It took me awhile to find you guys but well, here I am."

"Why did you want to find us?" Haley whispered as she remained staring at the girl. As if staring at her enough could bring back the person she missed more than anything. He was there. He was keeping another person alive. Mitchell was that kind of person though, Haley thought. He was always going out of his way to bring out the best in people.

Sam knew that question would come up. She just didn't think it would be as soon as it was. After she got her new heart, her family had been so ecstatic. No more weekly hospital trips. No more medication. No more fright. She received a brand new healthy heart and here she felt guilty. After a few weeks of recovering, she has asked her mom who the heart was from. Her mother didn't want to tell her it was someone only a few year older than her but when she did, Sam felt connected to her new organ and even more since it was pumping blood for her. She quickly researched the name. Mitchell Furgeson. He sounded like a movie star. She made up stories about him but when it came to figure out who he really was, it didn't disappoint her. He was a nineteen year old who was three months and seven days from turning twenty. He was a sophomore at the University of North Carolina. He had been in musicals and plays all his life. He died in a car accident while his two friends, Brooke Davis and Haley James survived. Sam had to do some deeper research about that. Some articles made it seem like all three had died but long behold, they hadn't. The fact they were still out there made Sam ache to know them and she wasn't exactly sure why. "It's just hard to explain, I guess."

Haley nodded at that as she took in a deep breath. "Why did you need a new heart?"

"Haley." Brooke said softly as she glanced at her friend. "It's not ou-."

"It's alright." Sam spoke as she glanced at Haley. "I had a bad heart my whole life. I was just..born with it. I tried everything but nothing seemed to last in the long run and when I was fifteen I was placed on the transplant list."

Haley bit her lip and nodded. She shouldn't have asked. Like Brooke tried to say, it wasn't her business but it was. Mitchell was her business. Everything about Mitchell was her business. Well, in her opinion it was. "How long have you had it?"

Brooke didn't bother to intervene that time. She watched as Sam's face grew hard before answering.

"I got it the day of your accident."

There was more silence for awhile. Sam watched as the information washed over their faces. She knew it must have been hard to hear. She felt crazy saying it but she needed to see them. She needed to see what they looked like and how they were. She wanted to know their favorite songs and food that made them want to gag. She felt connected to them and she couldn't explain it. She felt like herself but she also felt more than that. "I just wanted to meet you both." She said softly as she watched Haley stand up for a moment before excusing herself and walking to the room at the end of the hall. She turned toward Brooke who was turning back around from watching the same thing she had. "Should I go? I didn't mean to upset anybody.."

Brooke shook her head. "It's just a really hard subject with Haley." She replied calmly before she forced a smile toward her face. Brooke didn't really know how she felt about it but she knew that Mitchell had helped someone even after passing; that made her smile. "You should come out with us this weekend."

Sam was surprised by that but she found herself nodding slowly. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Brooke smiled back. "Me too." She patted her legs before she stood up. "Can I get you a drink or anything?"

"Nah." Sam waved her hand as she stood up. She grabbed her book-bag and placed it over her left shoulder. "I should get going anyway. Thanks for meeting with me and everything."

Brooke nodded as she reached for her iPhone. "Here, just so I can call you about Saturday."

Sam nodded and pulled out her own phone as well. "Sorry my phone is ancient." She heard Brooke laugh slightly as she placed her number into the phone. After Sam was finished, she handed the iPhone back over to Brooke. "Thanks again."

"No, thank you." Brooke said sincerely as she watched Sam walk toward the door. "I'll call you." She watched the girl nod before opening the door and disappearing quickly behind it. Brooke sucked in a deep breath. She wasn't sure why it all still felt so fresh. It seemed to burn her insides as she thought about the accident. She never wanted to relive that again. She headed down the small hallway and knocked softly on Haley's door. "Hales?" There wasn't a response so Brooke slowly pushed open the door and saw Haley's back facing her. She could tell she was crying by the way the bed was moving. "Haley.."

Haley cleared her nose as she continued to cry. "I hate that he's gone and I had something to do with it."

"Haley, no." Brooke had taken a seat at the foot of Haley's bed. She slowly reached her head over and tried to pat Haley's back but Haley moved away.

"I ruined everyone I met here. I should just leave. Everyone.."

Brooke couldn't make out what else Haley had said. She stared to sob and Brooke didn't know what to do. Mitchell would know what to do. The thought made her insides burn more than they were before. "Just calm down, okay?"

Haley couldn't stop crying. She felt like her eyes were filled with pools of water that needed to be released. She hadn't cried this hard in a long time. "I'm sorry."

Brooke reached over for Haley's shoulder and was surprised when Haley sat up and cried into her side. She felt her eyes grow wet as she placed her head on top of Haley's. "It's okay. Just calm down."

Haley cried more into Brooke and held onto her as if her life depended on it. Without realizing it, a friendship that had once been lost, was found.

* * *

Clay was exhausted. His body ached and his skin burned. He couldn't wait to lay down. He opened the front door toward his house and was filled with the smell of something fresh. That was definitely welcoming. After a day of slaving around for Dan Scott, Clay couldn't wait to come back to his wife. "Linds?"

"Back here!"

He smiled softly as he shrugged off his shoes and placed his keys in the small bowl by the door. Their small house was coming together more and more everyday. Lindsey had placed photos on the wall and she had painted anything she could reach. He made his way toward the kitchen and smiled when he saw her pulling cookies. "What's this?"

Lindsey turned around with a large smile. "I know you've been having a rough couple of days so I wanted to make you a small treat." She leaned in and closed the space between the two of them. She hated how she rarely saw him. "Do you have to go back?"

Clay slowly nodded as he pulled away from his wife. "Keith needs some help."

Lindsey frowned for a moment before she nodded her head. She couldn't hate what Clay was doing. He was working two jobs and he was close to finishing his GED. She was proud of him but she also wanted more of him around. She had finished decorating the house and she found herself completely lonely. She worked a few shifts at Karen's but Karen wouldn't let her work more than fifteen. "When will you be home?"

Clay shrugged as he reached for a cookie and quickly popped it into his mouth. "Shit that's hot."

Lindsey chuckled softly. "You just saw me pull them out, babe."

Clay nodded with a grin as he continued to bite into the cookie. "I probably won't be home until later." He turned toward the fridge to get some milk.

Lindsey sighed. "How late is later?"

Clay turned his head as he held the fridge open. "I'm not sure. That's why I said later."

Lindsey bit her bottom lip as she turned toward the stove. Maybe it was her hormones. She wasn't sure. She wanted to cry. She missed Clay and they hadn't really been intimate lately. She knew it was stupid but it made her insecurities rise. Clay wouldn't come home until one or two in the morning due to work and the classwork he was doing online sometimes made it later than that. He would come to bed and sleep without much else. He would also leave before she woke up.

Clay closed the fridge and took a deep breath. He hated being away from Lindsey but he needed to do this. He needed to get them more money because soon, it wasn't going to be just the two of them. They didn't really have any money problems at the moment but they were always close on bills. "Are you mad?"

Lindsey shook her head but she didn't turn around. "Of course I'm not mad." She felt her voice quiver as she spoke. "I just really miss you."

Clay smiled softly at her even though she couldn't see. He slowly made his way behind her and wrapped her in his arms. "Wanna know something?" She nodded into his embrace and he placed a kiss on the side of her neck under her ear. "I miss you too."

Lindsey let out a breath as she turned in his arms. "I don't want you to think I'm not proud of you because I am." She felt her voice fail her. She wanted to cry. "I just miss you."

"Baby." Clay said softly as he kissed away a tear on her cheek. "Don't cry."

"I can't help it." Lindsey looked up at him and sucked in a breath. "My emotions are whack, I miss my husband and I'm so lonely here."

Clay watched her for a moment and sighed softly. He knew she was probably lonely. She wasn't at UNC with Nathan and she barely saw any of the friends she had there. He looked at her for a moment before a grin broke off on his face. "How about we have a house warming party?"

"What?"

Clay nodded with a grin as he let go of her and gestured around them. "We should have a party. Invite your friends and I'll cook on the grill."

Lindsey looked at him for a moment before she nodded slowly. "Okay, when?"

Clay didn't think about when. He was packed for the next few days but the look of hope in Lindsey's eyes and the fact that she was smiling at him made him forget all of that. "How about tomorrow?"

Lindsey's smiled deepened if that was possible. "You can get off work on such short notice?"

"I'm sure if we invite Keith and Karen to a party I won't have to work."

Lindsey smiled at him before she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him right on the mouth. Once she pulled away, she smirked at him. "Care to race me to the bedroom, Mr. James?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Haley bobbed her head to her headphones as she walked to work that Friday afternoon. Her skin felt warm from the cold chill the wind was giving. It was becoming Fall more and more everyday. She was grateful for the walk alone she had. She had been with Brooke all week, not that it bothered her but she wanted some time to think for herself. Her thoughts drifted to Sam. Brooke had said she wanted to meet up with her that weekend and Haley somehow found herself wanting to as well. The thought excited her and terrified her. She missed Mitchell and she knew that someday it might not hurt as much but she knew that wasn't going to be for awhile.

Haley unlocked and pulled open the door for the record store as she continued bobbing her head. As she made her way toward the back, she jumped when her body collided with another. She quickly pulled out her headphones. "What the hell? How did you get in here?"

The man looked as startled as she did. He quickly began wiping the somewhat long hair out of his face. "I realize this looks pretty-."

Chris came up from behind him and shook his head. "Grubbs, Haley. Haley, Grubbs."

Haley looked at him for a long second before she quickly followed Chris to the front of the store. "Who is that?"

Chris rolled his eyes as he looked at the man standing awkwardly in the back of the store. "Max decided to move."

"What?" Haley's eyes grew wide as she turned her head to watch the man drop a record on the ground. She turned back to face Chris with a stern glare. "He just left?"

Chris nodded slowly as if he was talking to a third grader. "You have to leave in order to move."

Haley rolled her eyes at him as she placed her bag on the counter. She took a deep breath as walked toward the man. "I'm sorry, I didn't know about Max leaving. I'm Haley."

"Grubbs."

"Grubbs?"

"Michael Grubbs. People just call me Grubbs." He blushed softly at the end as he shook his head. "Max told me he told you so it's my apology for startling you."

Haley nodded as she looked at him. He looked at least ten or so years older than her but it wasn't bad. His hair was a bit below his ears and his eyes were a bright gray. He wore a shirt that said, _Keep Calm and love The Doctor_, with a flannel over it. He very much resembled Max but he was a lot taller and seemed a lot more timid. "Do you make music?"

Grubbs nodded as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "Some. I usually just write and have someone else play my songs."

Haley nodded. Max wouldn't have hired just someone to replace him. He must have been special or he must have been something Max believed in. "Where are you from?" Haley asked softly as she leaned against a crate of records. She watched him blush as he tucked a piece of hair behind his ear.

"I just graduated with my masters, actually." He mumbled this as he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets.

"Really? Where from?"

Grubbs always blushed when he talked about school. Half the time people asked him and didn't believe his answer. "Harvard."

"Harvard?"

"Harvard. Music therapy."

Haley nodded as stared at him. That was extremely impressive. She could tell more about him as he spoke. He was shy and timid but she could tell by the way he spoke that he was raised with intelligence. He knew how to hold himself even if he wasn't the loudest person in the room. "How did you end up here?"

Grubbs smiled at that. "How did I end up here.." He acted like he was thinking about it but he merely shrugged. "I just stared walking one day and I ended up here."

"You walked here from Harvard?"

Grubbs nodded. "I mean I walked and took a bus and walked more."

"Why would you do that to yourself?" Haley let out a small laugh. From the corner of her eye she saw Chris rolling his eyes at them.

"I like walking." Grubbs chuckled as he shook his head. "I'm honestly not sure but I ended up here and I think I'm gonna like it here."

Haley smiled softly at that. "I think you will too."

* * *

Nathan found himself standing on the back deck of his best friends house. He was watching Clay flip over some burgers and he found himself staring at the lilies in the garden a few feet away. He brought the bottle of beer to his lip and took a drink.

"Rough week?"

Nathan turned his head and nodded softly in Clay's direction. "I could ask you the same question."

Clay nodded at that as he flipped the burger on the grill. He drained. He had pulled a double yesterday in order to have today off but he didn't really care. Lindsey had gotten so excited setting up the house and decorating it for their guests. "Yeah but it's cool. The girl you brought seems nice." Clay slowed hard after he spoke. He didn't know what was going on with his sister and his friend but he couldn't let it get in the way with how he felt about both of them.

"Peyton's just my friend. Lindsey really likes her though, so that's always good." Nathan turned his head as he watched them from where he stood. Lindsey and Peyton were friends from the go and Nathan found himself grateful for that. He took a jagged breath as he heard the burgers grizzling on the grill.

"Finally, men." Nathan and Clay turned around to see Julian making his way out onto the deck with a pack of beer. "Brooke talked about shoes the whole drive here so can we talk about football or something?"

Clay smirked as he started taking the burgers off the grill. "Does this mean my sister is here?"

"She practically threw herself out of the car when we got here."

Nathan turned his head slightly and watched as she appeared in the kitchen. She was dressed in a white dressy shirt and a pair of green pants. Nathan somehow ached to touch her. She had confronted him after he ran to the store and it somehow put things in perspective but just enough to scare him. He had claimed all the shots when it came to them. This whole time he thought that she was the one being hot and cold and maybe she way but he was too. He couldn't deny how much he wanted her though. Not just physically but emotionally. He often wondered how their lives would be if she hated left last winter. Or if he hadn't been making out with Rachel Gatina and have Haley walk in. Maybe they would be together or maybe they wouldn't. He didn't know.

"Are you guys gonna feed us or what?" Lindsey teased as she stepped outside. She nodded her head in Julian's direction before turning to see Nathan lost in thought.

"I'm done, I'm done." Clay smiled as he headed inside with Julian on his heels.

Lindsey stood out on the deck as she watched Nathan take a sip of his beer. "You doing okay?"

Nathan turned his head as if he noticed her for the first time. "I'm alright."

Lindsey turned so her back was against the rail and her face was toward the house. She kept her eyes on Nathan. "Let's try that again, are you okay?"

Nathan shrugged as he sucked in a deep breath. "Seeing her just.. I can't explain it."

"Why's that?"

Nathan leaned his elbows against the rail as he shrugged. "It hurts too much but I feel I deserve it. I just want her to be happy but at the same time I want to make her happy."

Lindsey looked inside to see Haley laughing to something Clay was saying. She glanced over toward her best friend and took a deep breath. "I think it hurts because it matters and if it matters that much to you, don't let it slip away." Lindsey reached over and kissed his cheek before heading inside.

* * *

"That was fun, right?" Brooke asked excitedly as she turned in the passenger seat to see Haley looking out the window absently. "Except the whole Peyton thing."

Haley only nodded as she kept her hands in her lap. The small get together at Clay and Lindsey's had been nice. They ate burgers and talked like any group of friends would. Haley had missed her brother so she enjoyed seeing him. Nathan made her head spin. They would only look at another but never say anything. They would add comments into conversation but never directly to another. It was frustrating but there wasn't really anything she could do. She didn't even know if she wanted to do anything about it. Her mind was still a fog from the whole Sam thing. She couldn't quite wrap her head around it.

"Haley?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

Brooke bit her lip as she turned again to look at Haley. "I asked if you wanted to hangout with Sam tomorrow? I invited her to the party at Sigma Pi."

Haley's heart raced in her chest but she heard herself muttering and yes. She didn't know why she was in such a frenzy but she was. She found herself in her own world again as Julian parked in front of their dorm building. Haley muttered a thank-you and a goodbye to Julian as she left the couple alone. She wandered up to her room and sighed in satisfaction as she slid the key into the lock. She was exhausted. She couldn't wait to just roll into her bed and sleep but before she pushed her key into the lock, she heard a soft cry from the door across the hall. Haley let her hand on the knob drop as she glanced around the hallway. She took a deep breath as she made her way over and knocked lightly on the door. After a few seconds, it opened and Peyton stood before her with a tear stained face. "Is everything alright?"

Peyton wiped at her face quickly as she nodded. "Yeah, I'm sorry if I disrupted you or something."

"You didn't." Haley said softly as she glanced at her. Nathan and Peyton had left a bit before they had. She wondered if that's why she was crying. "Are you okay?"

"It's dumb really." Peyton laughed slightly as she shook her head. "I broke this mug Brooke made me for my birthday when we were eleven and I just.." she shrugged. "I'm sorry again for being loud."

"It's alright." Haley mumbled as she shoved her hands into her pant pockets. "I can try to help you fix it, if you want."

Peyton's eyes widened. She was a bit surprised by the offer but she was grateful for it. "It's pretty much un-salvable. Thanks though."

"No problem." Haley brought her hands out of her pockets. "I hope your day gets better." Haley watched Peyton nod but before she turned around she heard Peyton mutter her name. She turned around slowly. "What's up?"

Peyton chewed on her bottom lip. "Just don't give up on him, okay?"

Haley nodded slowly before she mumbled a goodnight and went inside her room.

* * *

Sam never went to a college party before. She definitely didn't know what to expect but Brooke had leant her some clothes and offered to do her make-up. She didn't understand how Brooke was so perfect looking. Even the way she talked seemed to be perfect.

Brooke flashed a grin as she pushed her way into the Sigma Pi house. She turned slightly so she could still be heard by Sam. "It's usually not this crazy but it's greek week next week so.." She grinned again as she pulled Sam into the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

Sam nodded as she looked around. She was in amazement and she was also a little bit scared. Brooke seemed to know what she was doing though and if she didn't, she acted pretty good. "I feel weird."

Brooke nodded as she grabbed two red cups and headed toward the keg. "It's pretty weird at first but then you get used to it." Brooke felt like she was screaming just to talk. The music was so loud and 100$ by _Jay-Z_ was filling the house. "Beer okay?"

"Oh. I can't.." Sam mumbled as she looked around. "I'm still on some meds so.."

"Oh. I'm and idiot." Brooke said quietly to herself but before frowning she headed toward the fridge. "They used to always keep...tada!" She pulled out a can of grape soda that had been pushed all the way in the back. "Is this good?"

Sam nodded with a grin as she took the can from Brooke. "That's great actually." She opened the can and took a drink. She was sweating already. "Do you come here a lot?"

Brooke nodded as she went toward the keg and pumped herself some beer. "Most of the time. My boyfriend is a brother so I usually just come here." She couldn't think if she were went to a place that wasn't the frat house. "Haley should be here soon. I'm sorry she wasn't here earlier."

Sam shrugged it off as she took a sip of her grape can. The house was so filled. She wasn't sure if she liked it or not. She had a few friends from school but not enough to have a house filled. She wondered if everyone there knew everyone in some way. "How-."

"Sorry I'm late." Haley somewhat shouted as she made her way toward them. "We got a new guy and I had to show him everything..twice." She glanced and smiled slightly at Sam. "Hey."

Sam nodded as she grasped the grape can in her hand. "Hey." She took in Haley's appearance. She was wearing a simple black blouse and a pair of jeans shorts. Sam looked down at her own outfit. Brooke had dressed her in a pair of shorts and a purple corset type shirt.

"Do you like the party?" Haley asked after Brooke had wedged her arm. She was exhausted from work and she was exhausted from the lack of sleep she was getting. Her mind never seemed to stop when she needed it too. Her thoughts were mostly about school, Mitchell and Nathan. She hated that she spent most of her time focusing on Nathan.

"It's alright." Sam said softly as she took another sip of her grape soda. "I've never really been to a party."

Brooke smirked at that. "Well, you're with the right people!"

Haley shook her head as she went toward the fridge and pulled out a water-bottle. "Brooke likes to have a party for every aspect of her life."

Sam chuckled as Brooke mocked being hurt but smiled anyway. She enjoyed the two of them. Sure, Brooke was more outgoing and talkative than Haley but they seemed like a really great pair and really great friends. She wanted to hangout with them more. She couldn't explain the need but it overcame her. She took a small sigh before two boys came into their small circle. Sam watched as one bent down and kissed Brooke.

Brooke smiled against Julian's lips before she pulled away. "Hey drunky."

Julian smiled drunkenly toward his girlfriend as he returned to a somewhat standing position. "The love of my life."

Brooke shook her head but remained smiling. She wrapped her arm around Julian's waist and turned toward Sam. "This is my boyfriend." She turned toward Julian and smiled at his loopy grin. "Julian, this is Sam. I told you about her."

Julian seemed to sober up a bit as he stuck out his hand. Brooke had told him the whole story about Sam and it moved him quite deeply. Even in his drunk state, he still felt the same. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sam."

Sam nodded as she accepted his hand. "You too."

Brooke smiled at them before she turned toward the other body in the circle. "Chase this is Sam."

Sam looked up at the tan boy before her and felt her heart clench. He was cute but not just a young adult cute. His face was perfectly shaped and Sam was certain it was symmetrical. "It's nice meeting you."

Chase nodded with a grin as he stuck his hand out and shook hers. He then placed his arm around Haley and smiled at the group. "Why aren't we drinking?"

Haley rolled her eyes as she picked his hand off of her. "I think you've drank enough for all of us." She turned toward Julian who still seemed fixated on Sam. "Both of you." Chase and Julian shrugged as they excused themselves to go back to their game of beer pong.

"They are usually more talkative." Brooke mumbled as she smiled at the retreating figure of her boyfriend.

"Oh, they were fine." Sam added with a small grin. She turned toward Haley. "Is Chase your boyfriend?"

Haley had to remind herself not to grow irritated. Sam didn't know about her and Chase. Everyone else just assumed. "No, we're just friends." She shook her head and crossed her arms over herself. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Sam let out a laugh. "No one wanted to date a girl with a shitty heart." She watched their faces grow still and she felt guilty but she didn't add more to the conversation. She only drank the last few drops of her grape soda. "I think I'm gonna go."

"No! The party just began!" Brooke exclaimed as she spilled some of her beer. "Whoops."

Sam chuckled but shook her head. "My parents wanted me home by midnight anyway."

"Oh that's right. Curfew still applies to you."

"Sadly, it does." Sam said softly as she turned toward them. She smiled tightly and started to turn around. The music was causing her to have a headache. As she reached the front porch and noted that their were footsteps behind her. She turned and saw Haley and Brooke walking behind her. Brooke was grinning and Haley was shaking her head at something but still smiling. "You guys don't have to leave."

Haley shrugged. "It's pretty lame plus you shouldn't walk back alone."

Sam bit her lip. "It's really okay."

Brooke shook her head. "We insist!" She turned toward Haley and grinned. "I might be a bit tipsy."

Haley chuckled as she stuffed her hands into her short pockets. "Go say bye to Julian and we'll wait here for you." She watched as Brooke excitedly ran back into the house. She turned toward Sam and let out a small breath. "Do you have a favorite band?"

Sam's eyes widened as she crossed her hands across her chest and thought about it. "That's tough." She felt a light chill against her skin and wished she had a jacket. "_Panic at the Disco_ is probably my all time favorite."

"Me too!" Haley exclaimed with a grin. She slowly reverted back into herself as she let her smile drop after a few minutes. They settled in silence but it wasn't awkward. Haley noticed that it was calming in a way. She turned toward Sam and found herself smiling a bit more. "Hey, Sam."

Sam turned her attention fully toward Haley. "Yeah?"

"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

* * *

Nathan brought another beer to his lips. He had lost count on how many he had consumed but it didn't matter. He needed to get drunk. He couldn't remember the last time he got as wasted as he was right now but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything. He heard the music against his skin but it didn't affect him. He made his way out of the fraternity house and toward the dock. His vision was going in and out but he found himself stumbling down it. The house was still blaring from behind him.

His mind wandered toward his dead sister. Dead. God, he never thought that pain would go away. It was going to be seven years since she died and he still felt like it was yesterday. He never got the image out of his head. Drinking didn't even help. He wandered toward the end of the dock and held tightly onto the rail. The water below him was crashing hard underneath him.

"What are you doing?"

He turned his head as he watched a blurry Peyton make her way down the dock. There seemed to be seven of her. He turned back toward the water and started to lift his leg over the rail.

"Nathan!" Peyton ran a bit faster down the dock. She had watched Nathan all night and he didn't seem to have a single care in the world. He drank probably more than his body weight. She tried stopping him but he would just glare at her and go to a different room. She reached him as he was mid-over the rail. "Nathan, stop."

Nathan shook his head as he turned himself so his back was leaning against the rail and his feet dangled close over the water. "I just want to see her."

"See who?" Peyton didn't know what to do. She found herself screaming for help but Nathan didn't move from his spot. She didn't think Nathan was suicidal and she knew he wasn't but drunk Nathan probably wasn't in the best state of mind. The last time he was drunk he was goofy and friendly. However, he went over that point. He skipped the happy drunk Nathan. She turned to see two girls heading down the dock.

"Peyton?" Haley walked faster but stopped in her tracks when she saw the scene before her. She was familiar with it from last year but it was different. "Nathan.." She walked closer to him as she turned to see Peyton and Sam staring wide eyed at him. She felt her throat close up. "Nathan, can you hear me?"

Nathan turned his head and swayed a bit as he took in Haley. "Am I dreaming?"

Haley reached out her hand to hold him still as she shook her head. "What are you doing?" She whispered this mostly to herself as she felt her grip on him tighten. She turned to see Brooke and Julian making their way down the dock as well. She knew Nathan wasn't going to kill himself. He wasn't like that but she knew how much pressure he had put onto himself. She knew that he never let things get to him until so much had built up. She knew him. She knew what was running through his head and it terrified her. "Give me your hand."

Nathan looked at her and felt his eyes watering. "I fuck up everything. I can't do anything right."

"Nathan." Haley gripped tighter to his arm as she made herself as close to the rail as she could. She felt Julian behind her. She turned her head and watched as Julian gulped. His previous drunken state had vanished. She turned her head back toward Nathan. "Give me your hand."

Nathan looked out into the water and felt it across his face. He remembered one of the last time's Lily was able to go out of the house. They had went to the beach but she couldn't swim. She merely stood on the sand and cried to him as she felt the ocean breeze against her face. She mumbled that she would miss the beauty of the world. When the sun had set, she remained standing there until they were covered in darkness. Lily would help him. She always helped him. Lily would make him feel better. She would make this pain go away and she would tell him where he should be going. She would be nineteen. She should be nineteen. He shook his head as he turned his face to Haley's. Even through blurry vision, he could make out her face. Her hair was moving around her face and her face was filled with emotion. He looked down at her hand that was hanging across the rail. He took a deep breath as he placed his hand into her small one.

Haley gripped tightly onto his hand as she turned to Julian and nodded at him. Julian went to grab Nathan's shoulder and helped bring him back from the opposite side of the rail. It took a bit of strength from both of them but they brought Nathan back over the rail. Haley gripped onto his hand still as he fell toward the ground. Haley sunk down as well as she felt him wrap his arms around her and hold onto her tightly. She let out a shaky breath as she looked up to see Peyton still staring in fright. As she turned to everyone else on the dock, she noticed that their faces were the same. She clutched onto him and heard him murmur something before he went limp against her. She turned toward Julian. "I think he passed out."

Julian nodded as he wiped his hands on his pants and reached to lift Nathan up. It took a moment but he threw him over his shoulder. "I'm gonna take him to my car." He turned toward Brooke. "Can you drive?"

Brooke nodded as she looked at her boyfriend and than toward Haley who was still sitting on the dock. She watched Julian head down the dock with Nathan. She turned to see Sam staring wide-eyed and she saw Peyton staring in space. Peyton was crying. Brooke brought her bottom lip between her teeth before she reached out for Peyton's hand and gave it a light squeeze. Peyton never cried. She watched as Peyton stared at her but kept her hand tangled with hers. They looked at each other for a moment before they engulfed into a hug. Brooke brought her hand to the back of Peyton's head as she tried to sooth her. She looked over her shoulder and saw Haley still sitting on the ground but she wasn't alone. Sam had crouched down next to her and together, they stared out at the water.


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten - Pompeii by _Bastille _

**But if you close your eyes,** **does it almost feel like** **nothing changed at all?**  
**And if you close your eyes,** **does it almost feel like** **you've been here before?**  
**How am I gonna be an optimist about this? **

Haley cradled Nathan's head in her lap. She could barely hear Julian and Brooke talking from the front seat. Her head felt woozy and she felt unbearably light. What if she had left the party without waiting for Brooke? What if she didn't hear the desperate cry for help from Peyton? She shook her head at her thoughts as she brought a hand through his hair. She inhaled a shaky breath before she turned her head and watched the buildings roll past her.

"How's he doing?"

Haley turned her head to see Brooke looking at her through the rearview mirror. Haley didn't even know Brooke could drive. Haley glanced down at Nathan and saw this chest rising and falling slowly as he continued to sleep. "I think he's okay." He wasn't okay. She felt wrong even saying that but what else could she say? She had no idea what was going through his head. She didn't know what had caused him to almost jump into the water. Sure, the combination of alcohol wasn't helping him at all but she all she kept asking herself was why. She didn't think she would ever know the answer. She brought her hand from his hair and slowly brought it down his face. He inhaled sharply in his sleep as she did this. She traced over his cheeks and then over his nose. She shook her head and dropped her hand so it laid across his chest protectively. She didn't want anything to happen to him. She couldn't let anything happen to him, even if that meant fighting him herself.

It had taken them almost twenty minutes to get back to their dorm. Brooke parked the car and her and Julian got out before coming to open the back of the car. Julian reached over Haley and pulled Nathan into his arms almost effortlessly. He slung him over his shoulder like he had done a few minutes earlier. It had only been twenty minutes ago. Haley shook her head once more as she climbed out of the car and shut the door. She watched as Brooke walked into their building with Julian behind. No one had muttered a word. Haley walked into their room last. Julian was still holding Nathan over his shoulder. Haley gestured toward her room and watched as Julian walked down the hallway. Haley turned toward Brooke and shook her head. "I don't know what to do."

Brooke let out a breath as she turned and headed down toward the couch. She didn't really know what she was thinking about. "I think we're all wondering what to do."

Haley nodded as she watched Julian return back toward the living room. "Is he still asleep?"

Julian nodded as he shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. If he wasn't sober twenty minutes ago, he sure as hell was now. "Yeah." He turned slightly toward the room before turning to face the two of them. "What the fuck happened?"

Again, Haley was filled with silence. She had no idea what was going on. She bit her lip before she slowly made her way past Julian and toward her room. She took a deep breath as she slowly pushed open her door and saw Nathan sprawled out across her bed. Even though his legs hung off the end a bit, he seemed belonged there. She could hear him breathing as she stood a few feet before him. She reached for the light on her desk and the room was filled with the soft fluorescent. She reached for a oversized sweatshirt on the back of her computer chair and held it between her fingers. She undressed and placed her clothes on the floor as she threw the sweatshirt over her body. She let out another breath before she walked toward her bed and fell to her knees. She laid her head on her bed as she watched Nathan sleep. He looked peaceful. She didn't know how long she sat there but soon, Nathan had opened his eyes. "Hey."

Nathan blinked a few times. He still felt drunk. He knew he was hallucinating. He was in a room with Haley. He wished his brain would stop fucking him over. "Fuck."

Haley was happy that his eyes were open. She let out another breath. She slowly reached her hand over and placed it on the side of his face. His skin was so warm. She watched him watching her as her hand made patterns across his cheeks. "What were you thinking?" All he did was stare back. Haley took a long look at him with her hand attached to his cheek. "Nathan.."

"My head." Nathan mumbled out as he closed his eyes. He still felt her hand on his cheek. What the fuck was his mind doing to him. She felt so real. "I need to go find Haley."

Haley bit her lip. "I'm right here." She watched as his eyes slowly opened again. His brow was fused in confusion and she smiled slightly. "I'm right here."

Nathan took a deep breath. He was dreaming. He had to be. The last thing he remembered was walking onto the dock. Was he still there? Was he passed out? He brought his hand to his forehead and started slamming against it.

Haley sat up as she reached for his hands. "Nathan, stop!" She grabbed his hands and held them still. "Nathan, I'm right here." He looked at her for another moment before he closed his eyes. Haley dropped her hands from his a stood up straighter. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before she slowly lowered herself onto the bed across from him. She laid perfectly still and never took her eyes off of him.

It wasn't until the light was peering through her window did he open his eyes again. She sighed somewhat in relief. She had counted his breathing. She didn't know her heart could be so tight in her chest. Watching him sleep was comforting but all she wanted was for him to wake-up. When his blue eyes connected with hers she shivered. His eyes were blood-shot and by the pain his face held from the light, she knew he was hungover. She didn't even try getting up to shut her curtains. She remained laying where she was and he remained where he was.

Nathan didn't know what to say. He felt, embarrassed. He hated when people saw him at his lowest point. He never wanted Haley to see him that way. He was laying in her bed as she was right before him. If he leaned a bit closer he would be kissing her. He would think more about that but his head was throbbing. He could barely keep his eyes open without squinting. His mind flashed to him standing before the water. He could hear the waves in his ears and he could hear Haley. He hated her and loved her at the same time. He never met someone that he wanted as much as he wanted her. She was perfect and she was imperfect. She was laying next to him in an oversized sweatshirt that went to her knees. He didn't even know if she had anything underneath her sweatshirt. She looked so small. His head was killing him.

Haley bit her lip and noticed how close they were. They hadn't been this close in such a long time. She could feel his body heat radiating onto hers and she could feel his breath on her face. She ached for him but not in a way most girls would. Her heart ached to hold him close and whisper things about her past. She wanted him to know everything about her and she wanted to know everything about him. She looked up and wanted to cry. She was so terrified and it was finally settling in that he had wanted to just jump off the dock. End it all.

Nathan watched as Haley thought something over in her head. Her lip was between her teeth and she was glancing down at her comforter. There was something so magical about just laying there with her. The pain in his chest was gone. The weight on his shoulders lifted away. He was just Nathan and she was just Haley. "I'm sorry." It sounded like a secret as it rolled off his tongue. He wanted to apologize more. He wanted to take back what he did. He was an idiot. He knew that. He didn't want to kill himself. He never thought about that. He just wanted everything to stop. He wanted to pain to stop but here he was, laying next to Haley without a pain in the world. "I didn't-." He was cut off as Haley wrapped herself around him. Due to her small bed and their unknown standing with another, it was awkward at first. Her arms didn't seem to know where to stay and her legs tried to wrap around his. After a moment though, she settled right in. Her head was buried into his chest and her arms were under his and on his back. She was holding onto him so tight and he found himself hoping she never let go.

Haley lifted her head away from his chest but she kept her arms around him. She didn't know what came over her or how it happened but her lips were suddenly on the corner of his. She lightly pressed them there and then pulled away. Nathan however, pulled her closer to him and in a swift moment, brought his lips to hers. It was soft and light. He pecked at her lips a few more times before he brought them fully against hers and kissed her deeper. She felt something swarming in her stomach. She knew she shouldn't be doing this but she couldn't stop. She soon realized she was now on her back and Nathan was on-top of her. Her legs parted for him and he easily placed himself between them like they had done this a millions times where in fact, they had only had two times before. He pulled away for a moment before he sat up on knees and pulled his t-shirt off his body. He came back on-top of her and Haley practically moaned at his weight on-top of her. He tasted like Nathan despite everything he had drank. His hands were in her hair and he continued to kiss her softly. God, her heart ached more for him.

Nathan pulled away for a moment and then rested his forehead against hers. Their breathing was short and almost panting. He played with her hair as he brought his lips toward hers. His body was shaking. "I want you so bad."

Haley nodded as she kissed him more fully. She felt Nathan's hand go up her sweatshirt and she trembled. She felt so nervous. She didn't know what any of this meant, if it meant anything at all. Nathan was someone she could never figure out. She wondered if she ever would. She couldn't find her voice to speak. She only lifted up her hands as Nathan pulled off her sweatshirt. She heard him groan as she laid underneath him in only her bra and underwear. Her hands couldn't stay still. She knew they shouldn't be doing this. They should be talking about what happened. They should be- her thoughts were cut off as he kissed her again. This time it was rougher than before. It reminded her of the kiss in the hallway a few days ago. He moved his body against hers and she moaned at that. As he moved to her neck, she thought about how much she loved him. He stilled in the spot between her neck and her shoulder.

"What did you just say?"

Her eyes grew wide as he pulled away from her. She didn't know she had spoken aloud. She watched as Nathan sat up completely. He looked like he was shaking. "Nathan-."

"What did you just say?"

Haley swallowed as she sat up as well. She was in her bra still and Nathan was without his shirt. They should have just talked. Nothing like this should have happened. She wanted to curl into a ball and never come out. "I..I love you." Her voice came out in a soft whisper and she watched as it seemed to be like a bucket of cold water on his skin.

Nathan felt his hands shaking but after glancing away from them, he noticed his whole body was shaking. He hadn't expected to hear that from her. "What?"

Haley took a deep breath and spoke more confidently. "I love you, Nathan."

She couldn't have loved him. Nothing about them worked. Nothing functioned the way it was supposed too. She was deep, dark and twisted but so was he. They weren't supposed to be in love. Life had shoved so many things toward them, that it seemed like a life was trying everything it could for them not to be together. He wanted her to start laughing and tell him she didn't but that didn't come. "I have to go." He was terrified. His body wouldn't stop shaking but before he could move, Haley had grabbed his arm.

"Don't go."

He stared at her. Her face. Her beautiful face was staring at him with something he never saw before. Her lips were still red from their kissing and her hair was sticking out from him softly tugging on it. He looked at her chest and saw a small scar from her neck toward her breast. He wondered why he never noticed it before. He felt his heart beating in his chest. It seemed to cause every organ in his body to vibrate. "But you didn't.. we didn't..you.."

Haley shook her head as she took a deep breath. She didn't expect to have said it then and she surely didn't have a clue why she had. "I came to the terminal."

"What?" Nathan's head was in a fog. He couldn't think straight let alone see straight. She was moving before him again and he felt like his hearing had gone out. He looked down and saw her hand was still wrapped around his arm. "I didn't-."

"I was late." Haley muttered as she slowly pulled away her hand. She was grateful Nathan hadn't stood up. "I tried my best to get there but I didn't.."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Haley didn't know. She had wanted to call him once she watched his plane take off but she didn't. She wanted to take the next flight and find him but she hadn't. "I didn't know how to tell you."

Nathan felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He remembered his flight to Florida. He had wanted to cry but he didn't. He had wanted to kiss her before he left and tell her sweet things that he couldn't even think of at the moment. She had came. His head was whirling. His throat felt like it was closing up. "I need to go." He quickly stood up and swayed for a second. He then reached down and pulled his shirt before quickly tossing it over his body. She loved him. She loved him and she had came to the airport. Why did it still hurt to hear? Isn't that what he wanted? He looked over at her as she sat in her bed staring blankly at the wall. She was still just in her bra and her underwear. When she finally turned toward him, he noticed the sad look in her eyes. This was the moment that would officially declare them. He could leave and walk out and never look back or he could stay. The pain was unbearable though. He knew that there would be pain with either choice. Pain was inevitable because pain needed to be felt. He hated it. He sucked in a breath and looked at her before looking at the door. As if in slow motion, he walked toward her bed and lifted up his shirt again. He threw it over his shoulder and kissed her hard. It was then that he realized she was crying. He kissed her harder and brought her back down onto the bed. She moaned his name as he nipped at her neck but that's all she allowed herself to say. He kissed his way from her neck to the top of her breasts. She tasted so good. She smelled so good. He kissed his way back up and connected their lips again. He grabbed each of her hands and held them out next to her head. He practically ran out of breath from kissing her but he didn't make an effort to stop.

* * *

Peyton didn't know how long she sat sitting straight up on her bed but it had to have been a long time. When she finally took in her surroundings she noticed that the light was seeping in through her room. She gulped. Death wasn't something Peyton enjoyed. Peyton then realized that death was probably something no one enjoyed. It was cruel and filled with hatred.

Peyton's mind flashed to when she screamed for help. She didn't know why she had. She could have easily convinced Nathan to come back over but seeing him there, she froze. She couldn't move. Nathan was simply her best friend. They got along. They had the same bull shit and they made a good pair. He was there for her but she had failed him. She should have cut off his drinking. As soon as she walked into the party she noticed the sway in him but she only laughed it off and went to Jake's side.

Jake.

She had totally forgotten about him. After sending Haley and Brooke off, Peyton had walked back to the dorm. She needed to clear her mind and she needed to think. She wondered if Jake looked through the crowds of people to find her. She wondered a lot of things. She was about to finally lay down when there was a light knock on her door. She slowly stood up and made her way down the hallway and toward the door. Peyton was thankful she had a single suite. She didn't think the recurring roommate was really in the cards for her. She let out a small huff as she pulled the door open and saw Brooke standing on the other side. Brooke was in her pajamas. When Peyton looked down, she realized she hadn't changed yet. "Hey."

Brooke nodded as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Hey."

Peyton stepped aside without a word and watched as Brooke walked into the small living room. She wondered if Brooke couldn't sleep because of what happened on the dock. Peyton shut the door and turned to see Brooke filing through her records. It took her back to past memories. Brooke always liked scanning her records. She didn't care much for the band but more for the colorful covers. "Couldn't sleep?"

Brooke shook her head as she set down _The Cure _record in her hands. "I wanted to see if you were okay."

Peyton was shocked by this. Not in a bad way but in a way that was familiar. Brooke was a great friend. Sure, she had her moments where she could be a total bitch and over the top but Brooke still always went out of her way for her friends. She wondered if Brooke even considered them friends. She said she hadn't. That was awhile ago but it still felt like yesterday. She knew she deserved anything Brooke threw her way. She wasn't the greatest friend. She was absent during Brooke's time of need and she found pleasure and solace in the hands of Brooke's father. She tried not to think about it. "I think so. How's Nathan?"

Brooke shrugged as she placed her hands into the sleeves of her hoodie. She hadn't been able to sleep. She kept picturing Mitchell throwing himself off the dock. She didn't know why her brain had done that but it terrified her. She wondered if that was the same fear Peyton felt as they saw Nathan on the edge of the dock. "I'm sure he's sleeping it off."

"Yeah." Peyton muttered as she looked around her living room. The room seemed smaller with two people in it. The walls were covered in paintings she had done and a few of her favorite vinyl records framed. She bit her lip as she watched Brooke looking around the room. "Brooke.." She froze. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't apologize because it was too late but she wanted too. She wanted to be Brooke Davis's friend again. She wanted Brooke to fight people for her and she in return wanted to do the same thing.

"What's wrong?" Brooke asked softly as she focused her attention fully toward Peyton. "Are you okay?"

Peyton realized how horrible of a friend she was in that moment. She never asked Brooke if she was okay after her friend had died. She simply said, 'I'm sorry' and walked along and finished her errands. She knew she would always feel guilty for that. Brooke had needed her and she took advantage of it. Peyton felt like crying but she didn't. She stared at Brooke as she put her hands into small fists. "I'm sorry."

Brooke wasn't sure if she heard her correctly because her voice was so soft. She whispered she was sorry again and Brooke knew in fact that was what she had said. Brooke didn't know how she felt about Peyton but she didn't want her to be alone. Sure, seeing her best friend at the time and her father tangled up in one another wasn't something she had wanted to see. She cut off ties with Peyton and her father showered her in gifts because of it. Brooke thought of the Tiffany bags shoved in the corner of her closet. "You did what you did and it's done." Brooke whispered softly back as she crossed her arms over her chest. She watched as Peyton looked away "You can't take it back but I'm glad you can't."

Peyton's head spun back at that. "What?"

Brooke swallowed and cleared her nose before she spoke again. "If that hadn't happened.." She didn't go into detail because she knew how awkward it would be and she knew how the words would make her toes curl and her stomach shake. "You probably wouldn't have came here and despite the contrary, I'm glad you did."

Peyton stood dumbfolded for a moment before she shook her head softly. "You are?"

Brooke smiled slightly as she nodded. She was glad Peyton had came. Sure, at first it pissed her off but it was somewhat comforting walking into her own room to see Peyton's name splashed across the door opposite of hers. It was different but it was a good different. She knew that their friendship would never be what it was and she was strangely grateful for that. Their friendship had died out last year. It was nothing like it was and it seemed to be a chore to keep up with it. However, things were different know. They were different people. "We can't go back to what we were before." Brooke watched as Peyton turned her head and nodded. "But I think we can try and be something better."

"You can't forgive me for what I did." Peyton muttered as she grew angrier. It was mostly toward herself. She didn't know what had overcome her but she had done the worst. Well, in her opinion the worst. She fell in love with a married man. She fell in love with someone who was cunning, evil and a horrible father. She fell in love with a man who treated her like nothing. Not that Ted Davis treated anyone better than himself. "I'm so sorry."

Brooke held up a hand and shook her head. "Stop apologizing."

"No, I can't. You don't know how many times I wanted to call you or walk to your house and apologize. You were my best friend and I ruined that."

Brooke took a deep breath. "Our friendship was ruined way before that, Peyton and you know it." She didn't give time for Peyton to talk again. "But I'm here and telling you that I'm here. No, we won't be the people we were a few months ago but screw those people." She made a face. "Not literally but yeah. We've come a long way and we can't throw away a life-long friendship over something that doesn't even matter."

Peyton nodded her head slowly as she took a deep breath. "You're right."

Brooke nodded as she gave Peyton a small dimpled grin. She reached out her knuckles. "Hoes over bros?"

Peyton chuckled softly as she brought her own knuckles to hers. "Hoes over bros."

* * *

Clay wiped his brow as he quickly stood up from under the car. He looked at the watch on his arm and saw that it was a little after two in the afternoon. Meaning, he had been working over almost nine hours. His body was aching. He wanted to lay in bed and in a half-hour, he would be able too. He wondered what Lindsey was doing. Well, he always wondered what she was doing. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his iPhone. He smiled as he saw she had messaged him only a few minutes ago. She said good-afternoon with a heart. She always did small things that made him smile like an idiot.

"Clay!"

Clay turned his head and watched as Keith nodded for her him to go over to the small tool station. He took a deep breath as he slowly jogged over to where he was. Keith Scott was a man of miracles. Clay hadn't met someone with such a big heart as Keith had. Keith was kind and he sometimes docked the price on car repairs if he saw people searching for change in their wallets. He helped Clay more than he knew. Keith was like the father Lindsey never had and standing there and working with him, Clay felt the same way. "What's up?"

Keith shook his head with a smile as he handed Clay a small envelope.

Clay raised his eyebrows as he felt the envelope on his chest. "What is this?"

Keith shrugged as he walked away.

Clay looked after him for a moment before he pulled open the front of the envelope. His eyes widened as he turned to stare at Keith's retreating figure. "Keith, I think you made a mistake."

Keith turned and shook his head. "No I didn't."

Clay didn't like this. He didn't like that Keith was giving him money. He wanted to earn it. He didn't want to look like a pity case. Sure, he had a pregnant wife, a house mortgage, food and his own classes. He was so close to finished his GED and he was then going to take some online classes through a community college.

Clay walked up toward Keith and handed him the envelope. "I want to earn this. I really appreciate everything you and Karen do for Linds and I but I can do this on my own." He started to turn around but Keith grabbed his arm.

"You did earn this, Clay." Keith said with a smile as he handed him the envelope again. "You work harder than anyone here. You can fix a car engine faster than anyone else. Hell, even me." He smiled brighter. "You deserved this and if you don't take it, I'll take it out of your next pay check."

Clay nodded as he held the envelope in his hands. He never earned something in reward of something else. He just never really worked hard in school and he didn't even finish high school. He felt something swarming inside of him. He felt pride and he wasn't sure he had ever felt that before. He had done something for himself. He watched as Keith walked away muttering that he could go home. He smiled at the envelope as he got ready to walk home.

He loved walking home. Tree Hill was so comforting and the air was crisp and it made him feel alive. He loved everything about Tree Hill. Sure, at the first the size was deceiving and the people made him wonder but now he realized that was a good thing. He loved everything about these people. He loved that Mr. Thompson would come in just to have him change his oil. He loved that Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald would stop him on the street and ask him questions about spices and recipes. He couldn't imagine his life anywhere but in Tree Hill.

Not to mention that he had the best wife in the history of wives. He couldn't wait to show her the extra money he got. He could picture her face in his head as he walked faster to his house. He missed her and he knew she missed him. He quickly turned onto his road and started to run toward his house. He felt so much excitement. He felt like a child who won a game at a carnival. He walked up the steps to his house and opened the door. "Linds?" He didn't get an answer. He shrugged off his shoes and made his way toward the kitchen. She wasn't there. He turned and made his way out of the room and toward the stairs. He took them two at a time. He heard music and he smiled. He made his way toward his bedroom. "Linds I have the best news-." He froze as he noticed she was crying on the bed. He made his way into the room. "Lindsey?"

Lindsey quickly wiped her face. "Hey."

"What's wrong?"

Lindsey shook her head and smiled almost sheepishly. "I was reading a book."

Clay relaxed instantly as she smiled. He was always afraid. He hated that he was but he couldn't shake it. Fear always consumed him about her. He didn't want her to leave him. He didn't want anything to happen to her or happen to their baby. "What book?

Lindsey held up the book that was at her side and lowered it back down. "What news do you have?"

Clay smirked as he sat at the edge of their bed and held out the envelope. Lindsey looked at him questionably but he only shoved it more into her direction. She chuckle softly as she took it and opened it. He was expecting a smile or a scream of excitement but there wasn't one. He watched as her brow creased and she flipped through the money in the envelope. "What's wrong?"

"How did you get this?"

"What do you mean?" He looked at her but he instantly understood her question. He felt sick to his stomach and he his previous pride had vanished. He knew that she thought he got the money from something he used to do. He never wanted to do that again. He grew angrier as he realized she assumed he was selling drugs. "I got that from work."

"Clay, there's almost a thousand dollars in here.."

Clay stood up from the bed and shook his head as he headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

Clay turned to her and felt his anger only grow. "It doesn't matter. You won't believe me anyway."

Before Lindsey could interject, Clay had already left the room.

* * *

When Haley woke up she noticed that she wasn't only completely naked, she was alone. She sat up slowly as she looked around her room. Any evidence that Nathan was in her room, was gone. She didn't know if she wanted to cry or not. She took a deep breath as she clutched the sheet around her and fell back onto the bed. She felt her eyes welt up in tears but before they fell, her door opened. She clutched the sheet to her chest but watched as the boy in question slowly walked in. Haley watched from the corner of her eye as he looked around her room. She gulped and sat up with the sheet wrapped around her. "Where did you go?"

Nathan turned and looked at her for a moment before he looked back at the wall before him. It was covered in pictures. He was surprised there was a picture of him on her wall but there was. It must have been a picture Julian had taken last year because Nathan didn't remember it. They were smiling at one another and Nathan had his hand in her hair. Her smile was so big in the picture. He wondered why he didn't notice it then. "I needed to think."

"Oh. Okay." Haley mumbled. The fact that she was naked seemed to make her skin crawl with nerves. She had made love with Nathan three times before she fell asleep that morning. They barely spoke as they moved together. He would kissed her tenderly and he would make her body feel on fire. She fell asleep with her head on his chest and his arm moving up and down her back. She had slept for such a long time. She didn't remember a time that she had actually slept without a nightmare. She glanced at her alarm clock and saw it was almost six at night. She turned her attention back to Nathan and watched as he continued to look around her room. "Do you want to talk about last night?"

Nathan turned toward her. She was sitting up straight and the sheet around her barely wrapped around her. Her hair was all over the place but she looked beautiful. He took a jagged breath. "It's a lot to wrap my head around."

Haley bit her lip. "I know but I was talking about the dock."

Nathan nodded as he looked down. Again, the feeling of embarrassment crept through him. He felt so weak and looking back at it, he felt warn. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't have a straight answer for it. He couldn't even make-up one in his mind. "I don't really know."

"Are you okay?" Haley asked softly as she clutched the sheet around her more. She watched as Nathan stared at her before making his way toward her. He stood before her and took a deep breath before he connected his lips to hers. She sighed as she reached for his shirt to pull him closer. She kissed him hard and when his lips went to her neck, she pushed him away softly. "Nathan, we have to talk."

Nathan nodded somberly as he took a seat on her bed. "I just don't know." He turned toward her. "I just know I want you and that's never going away."

Haley remained motionless as he looked at him hard. "Can you just tell me what you're thinking?"

Nathan stood up quickly and brought his hands to his short hair. "I don't know what I'm thinking, Haley!"

Haley was surprised but his tone but she remained still. She started to play with the hem of the sheet as she looked down. She knew she was going to cry for real that time. She wished it had gone differently. She wished she told him that she loved him after he won a basketball game or when they were sitting together in his car listening to a song. She didn't want to tell him she loved him after he almost jumped off a dock. She didn't want that at all. She didn't want him to think that's why she said it. That wasn't why. She loved him with her whole heart and she loved him with everything she had. She loved the way he moved on a basketball court. She loved the face he made when he read a book. She loved the small smirk he got after he finished laughing. She loved that he was him. She loved that he came into her life and fought to stay there. She loved that she felt safe with him.

Haley looked to see him pacing in her room. His hands were in his hair and he was breathing heavy. She just wanted to know what he was thinking but she realized that was selfish. She rarely spoke about what she was thinking. It wasn't fair of her to have demanded that from Nathan. "Nathan, look-."

"I need to go-."

Haley stopped as they spoke at the same time. She found herself nodded as she brought her hands so they wrapped around her. She practically clutched the sheet to her skin. She felt vulnerable now and bare.

Nathan took a deep breath as he walked toward her bed. He kneeled next to it and brought his hand to one of hers. He unclenched it from the sheet and held it between his own. Her hand was so small. It was so soft between his fingers. He brought it toward his lips and left a lingering kiss on it. "I need to go find Peyton. I'm sure she's worried or something."

Haley focused on her hand in his. He brought her hand toward his forehead and took a deep breath. She didn't know if she should apologize or not. Her feelings were out there now. She spoke them and he knew they were there. She finally told him that she went to the terminal. He finally knew. She was happy but sad at the same time. She wondered how that could be. "Alright, I'll just be here."

Nathan looked at her from under the hand on his forehead. He took a deep breath. "Do you wanna come with me?"

Haley was surprised but she found herself nodding slowly. "Okay."

Nathan smiled softly in return. "Okay."


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven - Sort Of by _Ingrid Michaelson _

**Baby you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart.**  
**And baby you've got the sort of face to start this old heart.**  
**But your eyes are warning me this early morning,** **that my love's too big for you my love.**

Brooke brought her sewing needle through the fabric as she sat lazily on her couch. She let out a soft breath but continued to do the same pattern she had been doing for the past few hours. Her head felt slightly woozy and her hands were getting stiff. However, Brooke wouldn't allow herself to stop. She was always like that. Once she started something, she never stopped until she was finished. She only looked up from her work when the door opened. She watched as her roommate stumbled in before collapsing on the ground before her. "Rough day?"

"I hate Monday's." Haley mumbled into the carpet as she left her eyes closed. She inhaled the fresh scent before she opened her eyes and looked up at Brooke. "What are you doing?"

Brooke smirked as she looked at the fabric in her hands. She did a simple shrug as she continued smirking. "Our halloween costumes."

Haley didn't bother to protest. She only nodded her head against the carpet before closing her eyes once again. Her mind was in a whirl. Yesterday, she had spent the whole day with Nathan. They had gone downtown with Peyton for awhile and just walked around but at the end of the day, Nathan had taken her back to his apartment. They didn't talk but simply laid next to one another in his bed. It was comforting and relaxing but Haley wanted to talk. She wanted to know what Nathan was thinking. She had said she loved him and she had meant it with everything she had in her. Sure, the timing was off but the more she thought about it, the more she was happy she had said it. On the other hand, she wanted to sleep for the next four billion years. "What are we going as?"

"Haley James, I thought you'd never ask." Brooke quickly stood up as she finished sewing the last piece of the fabric. She dropped the needle so it hung from the fabric as she held it up. "Do you like it?"

Haley peeked her eye open as she saw the fabric being held from Brooke's fingers. She sat up as she looked at it more closely. It was a simple dress. The white and silver lace was on-top of a plain white. "Brooke.. it's beautiful."

Brooke smiled softly at that. She looked down at her work and then back toward Haley. "I tried to get it as 1920's as I could."

Haley nodded as she reached her hand out and touched the bottom hem of the dress. It was clearly a flapper dress. Her hands went over the soft stitching on the side and she realized that Brooke had done it all by hand. She didn't even know how Brooke managed to create something so delicate and beautiful but it was Brooke. "It's perfect."

"Yeah?" Brooke looked as Haley seemed to be mesmerized by the dress. "Try it on."

Haley snapped up her head as she shook her head. "You deserve to wear this. It's beautiful and it's yours."

"I made it for you." Brooke replied softly as she held out the dress. "Please try it on."

Haley nodded as she took the dress from Brooke's hands and walked down the hallway to her room. She shut the door softly behind her as she delicately placed the dress on her bed. She quickly undressed herself and stood before the dress. She took a deep breath as she reached for the dress and slowly placed it over her head. The dress fell onto her body and she felt it end right before her knees. She took another deep breath as she opened her closet door to look at herself in the mirror there. The dress hugged her in what seemed to be all the right places. She turned to the side and saw that the dress dipped down on to the middle of her back. She saw her scar peek it's way out. She turned abruptly and felt tears welt in her eyes. The dress was so beautiful but she wasn't beautiful enough to be in it. She looked in the mirror again to see Brooke standing in the doorway. She wasn't sure when she came in. "I can't wear it."

Brooke looked at the scar on Haley's back. She didn't realize how big it was. Haley was crying. Brooke shook her head and controlled her thoughts. "Sure you can." She stood behind Haley and turned her to the side. She lifted up the back of the dress so it covered a bit more of her back; covering the scar. "I'll just raise the back."

"No."

"Haley, just let me do this, okay?" Brooke reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a few pins. She turned Haley so she was directly in front of her. She made a work of pulling the dress up a bit but not too much. Just as easily as her scar had showed, it disappeared. "Perfect."

Haley felt Brooke's hand leave her back and she turned to look at herself in the mirror. She hesitantly turned to the side to look at herself. The back was still somewhat deep but like had said, she raised the back so it covered her scar. She took a deep breath as she turned to Brooke. "You didn't have to do that."

"Sure I did." Brooke added softly with a grin as she turned Haley and few times to check the rest of the dress. Once she stopped spinning Haley, her grin faded and a serious expression made it's way to her face. "What happened in your past doesn't make you any less beautiful than what you are, okay?"

Haley nodded as she gulped. She didn't know what to say in reply and luckily, Brooke walked out of her room. Haley waited a few seconds before she turned back to look at herself in the mirror. The dress was elegant. It looked like something you would find in a designer store or on someone who wasn't her. She was about to turn again when there was a knock at the door. She heard Brooke holler that she would get it but Haley still made her way to the living room. She watched as her brother slowly made his way into the living room. "Clay?"

"Hey." Clay said defeatedly as he walked into the living room and lowered his small duffel bag to the ground. "I need a place to crash tonight."

Haley looked at her brother before turning to Brooke. "Can you give us a second?" She watched Brooke nod as she smiled lightly at Clay and left the living room to her own bedroom. Haley brought a hand to her hair and scrunched it softly before walking closer to her brother. "What are you doing here?"

Clay shrugged. He honestly had no idea. He just needed a break. A break from work. A break from reality. He figured if anyone would understand him, it would be his twin sister. "It's just for tonight."

Haley crossed her arms. "Does Lindsey know you're here?"

Clay looked at her and felt offended for a moment before he shook his head. He didn't tell him wife. He hadn't really spoken directly to her after she had accused him of getting his extra bonus from work, from drugs instead. He hated that she automatically assumed that. He hated that his past made up his whole present. He hated the constant reminder that he was failure. They spoke bits and pieces but it was awkward and filled with tension. Mostly on his part. So, after work he had taken the small drive to Chapel Hill and decided to ease his mind, he could just escape reality for awhile. He found himself sitting on the couch telling the whole story to his sister. He could talk to her about anything and he loved that. He loved their bond. No matter what, she was always there. "..so I guess I just needed a break."

Haley nodded as she absorbed the information. She turned to Clay as she laid a hand on his shoulder. "As much as I understand how you feel, you know I do. You need to realize you're not alone in this, Clay. Lindsey just wants what is best for you and-."

"By accusing me of selling drugs?"

"Look, I'm not taking sides but I'm just saying I saw you at your lowest and I know what she's feeling. She just wants you to be okay and so do I."

Clay stayed silent for a few minutes before he turned to his sister. "You believe me though, right? That I got the money from work?"

Haley took a moment to look at her brother. You could tell they were twins if you studied them close up. The same facial structure, same eyes, same round nose. Clay was the athletic one. He was also the charmer. He could charm his way out of anything when they were kids. Haley was the bookworm. She would spend hours upon hours absorbed in books. However, their strengths brought out the best in another as well. Clay would help Haley open up and talk to people and Haley would teach Clay things that he never could grasp before. They were like a team. One wrong move and they both fell. "I believe you."

Clay nodded. That was all he needed to hear. He just wanted someone to believe him. He wasn't so sure why he was so desperate for that approval but hearing Haley say she believed him was enough to cause his chest to rise from the burden it held. "Thank you." He looked at her outfit and smiled softly. "You look really nice."

Haley blushed and shook her head as she lightly pushed on Clay's arm. "Shut up."

Clay smiled deeper. "I'm being serious." His smile fell as he looked at his sister. "You look beautiful, Hay."

Haley smiled as she played with her fingers in her lap. She waited a moment before she jolted up. She had missed having her brother around and she was grateful he was staying for the night. "I'm gonna change, you should call Lindsey and then we can go eat!" She smiled quickly before running toward her room and yelling for Brooke to get ready to go eat.

Clay smiled as he remained on the couch. He reached into his pocket and saw that Lindsey had called him twice. He shook his head softly. He hated that his ego was getting in the way but he couldn't help it. He turned off his phone and waited for his sister.

* * *

Nathan ran across the gym floor until his breathing came out in panted breaths. He stood still in the middle of the court and place his hands on his hips. He looked around and took in the amounts of seats around him. This is what he wanted to do. He wanted to play basketball and he wanted to be something that someone could be proud of. He glanced down at his shoe and saw two names there. Mitchell Furgeson and Lily Scott. Two people who changed his life and would continue changing it for the rest of his. He missed his sister and he missed his friend. He hoped they knew that. He found himself hoping a lot of things but that was something that was always first on his list.

Haley had told him she loved him.

He had a hard time believing it actually happened but it had. She hadn't spoke it since that night but she had said it. His heart warmed at the thought but he couldn't find himself able to speak it back to her. He spent last night with her but they didn't do anything. They laid next to one another in silence but it was comforting. He wasn't even sure their limbs had touch another. They just laid there. He wanted to lay back with her.

Nathan walked toward the bench and took a deep breath. He legs felt wobbly but in a good way. They felt brand new. Everything about him felt brand new. He wondered if it was because someone loved him. Someone loved him the way he loved them. He never felt that before. He never experienced it. It felt strange and it was overwhelming to think about. Being in love.

He's witnessed love. He loved his family and friends but this was different. This was something that struck him so deep that he felt like he would be lost without it. He was taken out of his thoughts when he watched the gym doors open and a familiar face walk through them. He was surprised. He stood up and smiled. "What are you doing here?" As he walked closer he noticed she was upset. He felt on alert as he walked so he was right before her. "What is it?"

Lindsey shook her head. "I tried to go back your apartment but you weren't there.."

"Yeah, I was -," he shook his head. "What's going on?" Lindsey was his best friend. He would drop the world for her but he didn't think she knew it. He would do anything for her. "Lindsey?"

"Clay and I got into a fight."

Nathan's brow fused together in confusion. If anyone besides his mother and Keith proved that love was real, it was Clay and Lindsey. "What?"

Lindsey let out a breath as she motioned toward the bench and started to head over to sit down. Once she sat she looked around the room and watched Nathan hovering above her. "Will you sit down?"

"He didn't hurt you did he?"

"God, Nathan. No. Please, just sit down."

Nathan took a moment before he took the seat next to her. He looked at her as she tried not to cry. Her hair was growing back in and her face wasn't so sunken. The bags under her eyes were gone but they were replaced with something else: sadness.

Lindsey looked over at Nathan and took a deep breath. "I was an idiot, for one."

"You're not an idiot."

"I didn't even tell you what happened."

"So what?" Nathan muttered as he crossed his arms. "I'll never think you're an idiot."

Lindsey nodded softly at that before she started to talk again. She talked about the money Clay had gotten from work that she thought was from him doing something he used to do. God, she hated to even think about it. She was so stupid to go against her husband like that. She wasn't even sure why she assumed that. She hated herself for it. She went on to tell Nathan how they seemed okay but he had left this morning and he wouldn't answer his phone. "So, I'm an idiot."

Nathan didn't say anything as he looked at the ground. Clay James was someone who Nathan considered a friend. Sure, they became friends at a very difficult time of Clay's life but they were friends regardless. Clay never judged him so he didn't see how it was right for him too. Clay was a good guy who was just lost for awhile. Nathan realized he must have understood Clay so well because he understood what it was meant to be lost. "I'm sure he's here. I can call Haley if you want."

Lindsey shook her head. She had assumed as much but she didn't want to go to Haley's dorm looking like a lunatic. "I wouldn't make you do something you didn't want to do. I know you and Hales are on weird terms." She watched as Nathan made a face. "What is it?"

Nathan let out a long breath as he turned to Lindsey. "I guess I'm an idiot too."

Lindsey punched him in the arm softly. "Hey, you said I wasn't an idiot."

Nathan smiled softly before he looked at her in the eye. "Haley told me she loved me."

Lindsey's eyes widened. Sure, she knew that Haley felt that way but she never thought Haley would actually tell Nathan. "What? When?"

Nathan then realized Lindsey didn't know about his dock incident. In the matter of a second, he decided not to mention it to her. He wasn't sure why he didn't. Lindsey knew everything about him but the thought of telling her, filled him with the same embarrassment he felt when he looked in the eyes of anyone on campus that knew. "The other night."

"Wow." Lindsey mumbled as she turned to look across the basketball court. She smiled softly. "How do you feel about it?"

Nathan looked out at the basketball court as well. He again, had no idea how he felt. Part of him wanted to scream from the roof tops that Haley James was in love with him but the other part of him wanted to hide. He didn't want her feelings to go away and him being him, he knew there was a chance they could. "I'm not sure."

Lindsey turned her head softly. "Well, when you know, you know."

"That's not it." Nathan mumbled as he remained staring at the hardwood floor. "It's just complicated."

Lindsey didn't offer anything else. She merely sat next to him and intertwined her hand with his.

* * *

"I don't think this is a good idea."

Brooke casted an evil glare from the couch as she looked up at her boyfriend. She stood up quickly and went to adjust his costume. She was going as a flapper girl herself and her boyfriend was going as a mobster. Well, Julian had to go as a mobster for his fraternity and Brooke worked off of it. She wanted to roll her eyes as she adjusted the lavender suspenders. "What's not a good idea, Julian?"

Julian pouted softly as he plucked at the suspenders. "I'm supposed to be badass and stuff. Badass guys don't wear purple."

Brooke rolled her eyes at that. She didn't see what the problem was. She had fashioned together a light gray suit with lavender suspenders and a dark purple bow-tie. She had even made her flapper dress gray and lavender. "You look badass, babe."

"I'm wearing purple!"

Brooke turned to face him full on. "One, it's lavender and two, I think you look hot."

Julian smirked softly at that. "I look hot, huh?"

Brooke chuckled as she adjusted the suspender before making Julian turn in a full circle. She smirked at her work. She had made his bow-tie and suspenders but she had gotten the suit at the good-will and dressed it up. She could have afforded to get him any kind of suit but she liked the challenge. Once he stopped spinning, she halted him before her and smirked up at him. She reached for the suspenders and propped herself up on her tip-toes. "Very. Hot." She watched him nod slowly as if in a trace. She started to bring her lips to his before the door opened. She remained holding onto the suspenders as she turned to watch Clay, Haley and Sam stumble in. She heard Julian groan softly in her ear. She patted his chest as she hopped down from her tip-toes. "Hey guys!"

Haley shook her head as she went to place the boxes of pizza on the counter. "Can't you go to your room for that stuff?"

Brooke glared softly at Haley as she reached into the box to grab a piece of pizza. Brooke and Julian were waiting to have sex. Brooke wasn't exactly sure what for but they were. She took a piece of pizza as she heard Julian and Clay talking about the upcoming basketball seasons. She rolled her eyes. Boys. She turned her attention to Sam and quickly grew excited again. "I have something for you!" She dropped her piece of pizza.

Sam's eyes widened as she continued to reach for her own piece of pizza. Before she could ask what it was, Brooke had disappeared from the room. She turned to Haley who merely shrugged. As she bit into her pizza, Brooke returned with a dress dress draped over her arm. "What is that?"

Brooke smiled big as she reached out and held the dress in front of Sam. "Your Halloween costume!" Brooke watched as Sam set down her pizza and wiped her hands on her jeans before grabbing the dress and holding it up to herself. Brooke smirked again at her work. She had fun working on everyone's Halloween costumes. It was a nice break from the stress school was putting on her. "Do you like it?"

Sam nodded as she held it up to herself. "Are you sure it will fit?"

"You might be creeped out that it fits perfectly." Haley muttered as she bit into her own pizza. She ignored the glare from Brooke.

"You like it, right?"

Sam ran her hands against the fabric. It was a bright red and it had beads on the bottom of it. It wasn't too short either. It looked like something that would come from a magazine. "I love it."

Brooke smiled brightly as she grabbed her pizza once again and took a bite from it. She turned to watch Clay comment that he liked Julian's suspenders and from his tone, Brooke knew he was serious. She smirked at herself again. She knew what she was doing, well she hoped she did. She turned her attention back to Haley and Sam who were eating in silence. "So, are we going to talk about boy-toy now?"

"Boy-toy?" Sam questioned with interest.

Haley's eyes grew wide as she looked past Brooke to see her brother in a full conversation with Clay and motioned for Brooke and Sam to follow her to her bedroom. Once there, she shut the door behind them and leaned against it. "I don't want to talk about that in front of Clay."

"Why?" Brooke sat down on Haley's bed as she finished her piece of pizza.

Haley took a deep breath. She could do this. She could have girl talk and she could get help with what she feeling at the moment. Brooke was her best friend and Sam was becoming someone she could trust. Well, at least she hoped so. She shook her arms and let out a small groan. "Okay, you should sit down for this."

Brooke narrowed her eyes as she gestured toward the bed that she was currently sitting on. "Okay, what happened?" Brooke turned Sam. "Nathan is-."

"The boy from the dock." Sam finished as she became quiet afterward. She wasn't sure why she felt such a connection to him as well. She felt so sad when she watched him hang over the dock and she didn't even know him. She barely knew any of these people but she felt like she had. She couldn't explain it with words but she surely could feel it.

Haley swallowed as she closed her eyes and leaned against her door. "I told him I loved him."

Brooke's eyes grew wide and after a moment she smiled. "Really?"

Haley opened her eyes and nodded softly. "Yeah." She smiled herself but only slightly. She would keep what else had happened to herself. She listened to Brooke gushing about the fact but she could barely hear her. She had told Nathan she loved him. She never said that to anyone before. Well, not someone she was in love with. "I-." There was a heavy knock on her door and Haley looked at Brooke before turning to open her door. Julian was standing there playing with his suspenders. "Yes?"

Julian looked startled for a moment even though he was the one who knocked on the door. He stopped playing with his suspenders as he gestured toward his watch. "Don't we have-."

"PRACTICE!" Brooke exclaimed as she quickly stood up. "OH MY GOD. ALEX IS GOING TO KILL ME. LITERALLY KILL ME." She ran out of the room and ran into hers.

Haley shook her head as she mumbled to Julian that she would be ready in five minutes. She closed the door to get changed. She quickly grabbed a pair of black yoga pants and a light blue t-shirt that said UNC across the chest. She changed and turned to Sam who was on her phone. "I totally forgot about practice."

Sam looked up from her phone and shrugged. "It's alright. I should be heading out anyway."

Haley shook her head. "No, stay. My brother will be here too."

Sam looked at her phone and shrugged again. "I really should be getting home. I don't want to get in trouble or anything."

Haley wondered why someone who was a senior in high school had such strict rules. She didn't really remember having such strict rules. At least not when her father was around. A thought came into Haley's head but she pushed it aside as she reached for her bag. "Alright well, I'll see you at the Halloween party, right?"

Sam nodded as she quickly stood up and smiled. "Yep!"

Haley smiled back as the two headed down the hallway into the living room. She noticed her brother watching TV from the couch. She bit her lip as she heard Brooke scrambling around in her room. She made her way to stand in front of the TV to look at her brother. "I don't care if you stay here as long as you call Lindsey."

"Ha-." Clay stopped as he received a death glare from his sister. He nodded and reached for his phone before disappearing into Haley's room.

Haley was about to say something to Sam but Brooke ran out of her room and stumbled around the living room looking for her iPhone. Once Brooke found it, she pulled on her arm and they stumbled out of the room in a run.

Haley could barely keep up with Brooke as they ran but she somehow managed too. They ran all the way from their dorm toward the field house. Julian acted like it was nothing but Haley was close to falling over once they walked into the gym. Everyone was sitting in a circle stretching and Haley threw her bag toward the wall before plopping down on the ground.

"Nice of you to join us, ladies." Alex muttered as she glared at Brooke. "Since you're fifteen minutes late, you'll be running fifteen minutes longer."

* * *

Clay looked around his sisters room before he quickly gathered his duffel bag and walked out of it. He had left her a small note on the counter and quickly shut the door behind him. He hadn't called Lindsey. He just didn't feel right doing that. He wasn't sure why but he just couldn't bring himself to hit call on is phone. He walked slowly toward his car and once he was inside he sat for awhile. With a shake of his head, he put the key in the ignition and headed on his trip home.

Home. The word was foreign to him but he liked saying it. He liked that he had a home. It was no longer just a word to him. It was a word with meaning and it was a word that he often found himself grateful for. Sure, he had a house that was a home but he also had a beautiful wife that he considered his home as well. She was something he could go to when he needed to get away from the harsh reality. She was something that made him feel not only loved but safe.

The drive was short and he was grateful for it. He parked the car and took a deep breath before he grabbed his duffel bag and headed toward the house. He bit the inside of his lip as he opened the door and was welcomed to the smell of pasta sauce. He shut the door softly behind him and kicked off his shoes as he set down his duffel bag. He slowly made his way toward the kitchen and saw Lindsey's back as she hovered above the stove. "I'm sorry."

Lindsey turned around and let out a sigh of relief. After spending the afternoon she came home to an empty house. She bit her lip as remained standing where she was. She didn't know if she should move or not. "I'm the one who's sorry."

"No." Clay said softly as he took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I understand why you-." He couldn't bring himself to speak. "I'm just really sorry."

"I'm sorry too." She stared at him as she brought her hand to her stomach for a moment before she brought her arms up so they crossed over her chest. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Clay said softly as he looked at her. He couldn't even be away from her for more than a day. He quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her small frame. She quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and pushed her head into his chest. She clung to him and Clay instantly felt more guilty. He knew she was crying and he hated it. "Linds."

Lindsey looked up at him but remained wrapped around him. "Please don't leave again."

Clay brought a hand to her hair and stared at her before he kissed her forehead. He left his lips against her temple as he felt her crying beneath him. He hated when she cried and he hated that he was the cause. "I won't. I promise." He kissed her forehead once more before he brought her head back into his chest.

Lindsey brought her hands to his back and kissed his chest before she pulled away from him slowly. "Where did you go?"

"Haley's. I just needed to think." Clay said honestly as he dropped his hands so they laid at his side. "I just reacted badly. I don't want you to think I-."

"I don't." Lindsey interjected quickly as she shook her head repeatedly. "I don't think that at all."

"It's okay if you do."

Lindsey looked at him as he looked at the ground and her heart broke in her chest. She was so proud of her husband. He was a wonderful husband and he was a wonderful friend. She brought her hand to his cheek so he was looking at her. "You are the strongest man I know, Clay." She smiled softly as she brought her other hand to the other cheek. "You are my husband and I love everything about you."

Clay smiled at that. Sure, his past was always going to be there but it was a part of who he was but in that moment he didn't care. He had a wife who loved him regardless of that. It wasn't going to be easy but it was going to be worth it.

* * *

"I'm literally going to cut off my legs and throw them at her." Brooke moaned as she crossed the blue line for the last time. Since they were late, Alex had made them run suicides for the last fifteen minutes on the half of the court that the boys weren't using. Brooke was heaving for breath and she was filled with hatred.

Haley let out a soft cough as she hunched over and gasped for her own breath to even out. She never ran so quickly before in such a short period of time. She glanced across the basketball court and saw Nathan glance at her with concern. She blushed softly as she placed her hands on her hips and tried to calm down. "I'll get the scalpel." She felt like insides were waiting to shoot out of her. "We can never be late again."

Brooke nodded as she placed her hands on her hips as well. She started walking toward the group that was standing in a semi-circle. She narrowed her eyes at Alex as she got closer. She could hear Haley behind her because of the heavy breathing.

"Nice of you to join us."

Haley narrowed her eyes as she moved into the space between Brooke and Peyton. Peyton gave her a sideward apologetic glance. She couldn't get her breathing right and all she wanted to do was sleep.

Alex beamed a smile as she stood next to Rachel in front of the group. "So, as you all know next Friday night is our annual parent benefit. So, be sure to invite your parents!"

Haley's eyes widened and she huffed slightly. She turned toward Brooke. "And if we don't have parents?"

Brooke gave her a nervous grin as she turned to see Peyton looking at her. She turned to face Alex and wished so badly she could wipe the grin off of her stupid perfect face. After Alex dismissed them, Brooke stood next to Haley and Peyton. "I literally want to kill her."

"She's not so bad- okay, she's bad." Peyton quickly said as she turned to them with a small smile. She felt nerves reach into her stomach. She didn't want the invitation of parents to make things awkward between her and Brooke. They reached somewhat of a solid ground and she wanted it to stay that way. "She literally didn't even start practice until you guys came."

"Figures." Brooke mumbled as she watched the brunette walk in the opposite direction. "I literally want to strangle her."

"Brooke." Haley let out a soft laugh as she gestured for them to walk toward their bags. "You'll be fine."

Brooke shook her head and went to grab her bag. She turned toward Peyton with a small grin. "What are you going to the Sigma Pi party as?"

Peyton shrugged, she hadn't really thought about it. "I dunno. You?"

Brooke grinned brightly. "Hales and I are going as flapper girls and because you're a lucky girl, I happen to have made an extra costume."

Peyton smiled brightly at that. "Well, I'll take it."

"Perfect! Do you have a date?"

Peyton shrugged again as she picked up her bag and draped it over her shoulder. "I usually just go stag.."

Brooke turned quickly and narrowed her eyes at Peyton before looking behind the blonde. She smirked. "I think you have an admirer."

Peyton turned slowly and saw Jake looking at her from the opposite end of the court. She smiled at him softly and felt her cheeks turn a light red as she turned back around to face Brooke and Haley. Brooke was smirking even more. "What?"

Brooke looked at Haley before she looked at Peyton. "Oh, nothing." She gave Haley a hip check as she nodded toward the boy who was coming toward them. "Come on, Peyton."

Peyton turned and smiled brightly at Nathan before following Brooke.

Haley took a deep breath as she stood fully before Nathan. He was sweating a bit but it wasn't too bad. He was wearing a white cut-off and a pair of black basketball shorts. She glanced down at her black yoga pants and light-blue shirt. "Hey."

"Hey." Nathan smiled softly as he looked at her. "Nice running."

Haley shook her head and smiled a bit. "I literally wanted to fall over the entire time."

"I'm glad you didn't." He said seriously but smirked soon after. "It was a good view."

Haley rolled her eyes playfully as she slapped his arm. This was good. Things were good. They hadn't joked around like that in such a long time that Haley couldn't even remember the exact date. "Very funny."

Nathan mocked surrender as he smiled at her. Her cheeks were still red. He was being honest when he said it was a good view of watching her running. Well, in his mind he imagined her naked. He shook his head at this own thoughts. "How was your day?"

Haley brought her hand to her cheek and looked at him for a moment before she shrugged. "Clay came to see me today.."

"Lindsey came to see me today, too."

Haley nodded, she had figured something along those lines would have happened. "I think they'll be okay." She watched Nathan nod himself as he stood before her. She brought her bottom lip between her teeth. She suddenly felt, nervous. She felt so vulnerable. "Are your parents coming to the benefit thing?"

Nathan let out a breath. "My dad and Jules are I guess. My dad is giving out some scholarship."

Haley gave him a small pained expression. "I'm sorry."

"It's whatever. As long as Dan Scott can prove he's better than everyone, he'll make my life miserable." He added a tight smile as he cleared his throat. "How about you?"

"No parents so."

Nathan bit his lip as he nodded. He knew that Haley had family drama. Well, he sure as hell never wanted to meet her father. The thought that someone hurt Haley the way her father had, made his blood boil. "I'd share mine but.."

"I'm fine without." Haley quickly added with a small chuckle. She turned her head and saw Peyton and Brooke talking by the door waiting for her. It made her smile. She was happy they were becoming friends again. She turned her attention back to Nathan and smiled again. "Well I should-" She gestured toward Brooke and Peyton.

"Right." Nathan smiled at her at bit the inside of his cheek. "I'll be seeing you."

"I'll be seeing you."

* * *

Peyton let out a small sigh as she closed her art locker. Tuesday's were her busy days. She never thought she could hate a day more than Monday but she did. She had two studio classes, art history and philosophy. All of which were back to back and all of which took up her time. She blew a piece of hair out of her face as she tossed her back-pack over her shoulder and headed out of the art building. She was grateful all she had left was philosophy. As she walked outside, the cold air chipped at her arms. She didn't think it would even get cold in North Carolina. She shook her head and headed toward the Life and Science Building.

"Peyton!"

She turned quickly and watched as Jake quickly walked toward her with a camera in hand. The familiar butterflies flew around her stomach and she tried her best to push them aside. She wanted to be done with boys for awhile but she couldn't help the way she felt about Jake. She did feel like an idiot for having feelings for a boy she barely knew. "Hey stranger." She started walking once he was close enough to her.

Jake smirked as he walked in step with Peyton. "How are you doing?"

Peyton gave a lazy shrug. "I'm exhausted for one."

"I bet." Jake held the camera up and snapped a photo of her. He was rewarded with a smack in the stomach and a laugh. He liked her laugh. It was light and soft but it seemed to carry a tune. "Nathan made coffee today.."

"I take it that didn't end well." Peyton pictured her best friend trying to make coffee. It was a comical sight.

"Not in the slightest. I feel like there is tar in my mouth or something." He opened his mouth wide and made gaging noises.

Peyton found herself laughing. Jake was playful but he was also downhearted and serious. It made her heart beat quickly and it made her scared at the same time. "Very charming."

"I thought so." Jake said softly as they walked in step once again. Jake was fascinated by Peyton. She was different but a good different. She wasn't like any girl he had seen before and he liked that even more about her. She was her own person and she was a wonderful friend to Nathan. She was just herself and he couldn't get over the fact that she had no shame or fear of being that way. "So, do you have a date Saturday?"

Peyton bit her lip. She didn't think Jake would be so forward about it. It kind of set her bones off and made her skin tingle in all the strangest places. She found herself relieved that he had asked her. "I do not."

Jake acted like this was surprising information which got a small chuckle from the blonde. He however halted them and looked at her seriously. "Would you wanna go? I mean, with me?"

Peyton took a second and looked at him. He was entirely different from any of the guys she used to like back in the city. He looked laid-back and his acted that way too. His smile is what made her knees weak. It was a perfect smile on a perfectly freckled face. She nod her head softly after thinking about it for longer than what she should have. She bit her tongue for a second before she spoke again. "I'd love too."

* * *

"So, how's your week been?"

Haley found herself sitting across from Andy again. The man was somewhat of a magic maker. Well, in her opinion anyway. She was finally comfortable around him. She liked coming to talk to him and she always looked forward to it. She didn't think that would happen. She brought her legs up so she sat indian style in the chair. "I was honest."

"With?" Andy asked softly as he smiled at her. He didn't have a clipboard today. Instead, he held a cup of coffee in his hands.

Haley took a deep breath before she glanced up at him. "Myself I guess. I told Nathan how I felt."

"Really?" Andy asked with enthusiasm. He watched Haley nod quickly and he found himself smiling. "How does it feel?"

Haley felt like that was the million dollar question but sitting before Andy, she felt like she could come up with an answer. She pondered how to answer the question verbally without screaming like a schoolgirl. She certainly didn't want to talk about how she had sex with Andy. It felt strange to even think about it in his presence. "It feels good. It feels.."

"Freeing?"

"Yeah, sorta." Haley smiled softly at that. She had been so afraid when she first told him but things seemed to be moving in a positive direction ever since she had. Sure, Nathan hadn't said it back but she didn't assume he would. "It feels lighter in here." She placed a hand over her chest and watched as Andy nodded with a small smile.

"I'm glad to hear that." Andy meant it. He smiled at her once again before taking a sip of coffee. "Anything else going on?"

Haley shrugged lazily as she relaxed into the chair. "This stupid cheerleading thing next Friday."

"How's it stupid?"

Haley took a deep breath as she sat back up straighter. She began picking at the bottoms of her leggings. She heard Andy say her name again and she looked up at him. She wasn't sure why she felt like crying but she was happy she didn't. "It's a parent benefit dinner thing. I dunno. I'll probably just ditch."

Andy looked at her for a moment before he reached over and placed his coffee cup onto his desk. He wasn't sure where the idea came from or how it even popped into his head but before he knew it, he spoke without thinking. "I could go, if you want of course."

Haley's eyes widened but not in a bad way. She was surprised, sure. She didn't except anything of the sort to happen. It was kind of him but she didn't want to be pitied. She barely spoke about her parents or lack of parents and she didn't want Andy to think he had to handle her here and handle her everywhere else. "You don't have to do that-."

"I insist."

Haley bit her lip as she thought about it more. The more she came to see Andy, the more she wished she was born into his family. She wondered who she would be like. Would she like the same music? Would she wear the same clothes? She always thought about it as she walked to his office. "If you want, I guess but if something else comes up, don't feel bad if you can't or something. I mean it's just a stupid-."

"Haley." Andy said softly as he patted her leg with his hand. "I would be honored to be your father for the night."

Haley nodded as she looked at him. She was the one who was honored. She smiled and listened as he told a story from his childhood. Wishing that maybe in a different life, she would have already heard the story a million times before.

* * *

"I think my dress is too short.."

Brooke turned her head to glare at Haley before they continued to walk to the Sigma Pi house. It was finally Saturday and Brooke could not have been more grateful for the weekend. She wanted to have a relaxing Halloween celebration with her friends and her boyfriend. She hoped to be completely wasted as well. "Your dress is fine. I underestimated your height."

"Really? Thanks." Haley looked down at her dress again. She loved the dress. To top off her outfit, Brooke had curled her hair and placed it into a small up-do and a silver headband was wrapped around her forehead that had a white feather sticking out from the side. She did feel self conscious no matter what Brooke or Sam had said. Haley turned to Sam who was practically glowing in her dress. The red looked so good against her skin.

They all looked liked they stepped off the stage of a 1920s film, and Brooke loved it. She was happy that all their outfits worked out so well. She made her way up the lawn of the house and rolled her eyes as the cat caws they got from drunken freshmen. She made her way into the house and was filled with the soft melody of Royals by _Lorde. _She smirked as she saw Peyton and Jake sitting on the couch together. Brooke had made Peyton's dress entirely out of green silk and silver. She was happy with the product. "Alright," She turned to Sam and Haley and grinned. "I'm gonna go find my boyfriend, go be hot!"

Haley chuckled as she watched Brooke disappear into the kitchen. As she turned to Sam, she realized she was standing alone in the living room. She let out a breath as she went to head toward the kitchen herself but something tugged on her hand. She turned slightly to her left and smiled when she saw Nathan. He was dressed in a dark gray suit and a white button down shirt. He wore a fedora on his head and Haley felt her cheeks warm up. He looked so handsome in a tux. "You clean up nice."

"I could say the same thing about you, Haley James." Nathan meant it. Once she walked into the house, it was like everyone had faded away and she was the only one in the room. Everything seemed to be in slow motion until he reached her. Her dress was beautiful but she didn't need the dress to be beautiful. He practically groaned when he saw how deep the back dipped. Her olive skin seemed to glow. "I like this one better than last years'."

Haley could only nod as she felt his hands run up and down her back. Last year, Brooke had made them go as the black and white swan's. She of course was the black swan. She didn't want to be at the party anymore. She just wanted to be with Nathan.

"Do you want a drink?" Nathan felt clumsy and nervous as he spoke.

"Sure." Haley smiled up at him and placed her hand into his but before they made it to the kitchen, the TV in the living room flashed on. They both turned toward the screen.

_"I can't believe we're doing this."_

"Turn it off!"

Haley turned to watch Alex run into the room. She was dressed as superwoman but it definitely wasn't an outfit someone would wear to fight crime. Haley turned to look at Nathan who looked just as confused as she was.

Alex tried to make her way into the room to turn off the TV but there were too many people in the room. Haley watched as Brooke and Julian walked into the room as well.

_"God, this is so hot."_

Haley turned to see Alex's face come onto the screen. As the camera zoomed out, it was clear to see that Alex was laying on a bed and her shirt was off. She looked over and saw Brooke look in confusion as well. She felt Nathan's hand remain in hers and she stepped so she was closer to him. Everyone seemed to try and get in front of the screen. However, the voice that came next wasn't a voice that Haley expected to hear. Julian quickly came onto the screen. Haley let go of Nathan's hand as she watched Julian and Alex start doing something that was definitely not just kissing. "Oh my god."

Haley turned to Brooke but saw Brooke was staring at Julian in disbelief. Haley tried to move toward her but their were too many people. She watched as Brooke moved from Julian and went to stand before Alex. Before Haley could reach Brooke, Alex was already on the ground clutching her nose.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve - Dog Days Are Over by _Florence & The Machine_

**Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father.**  
**Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers.**  
**Leave all your love and your longing behind.**  
**You can't carry it with you if you want to survive.**

_"God this is so hot."_

Brooke froze as she watched her boyfriend come onto the screen with no other than his ex-girlfriend, Alex Dupre. She glanced at him but he was looking at the ground with his face being a shade of dark crimson red. She felt so embarrassed but that wasn't her dominate emotion. She felt betrayed. She felt like she wasn't enough. Here she was, waiting to have sex with her boyfriend and there he, was on a crappy TV screen going at it with not only his ex-girlfriend but Brooke's enemy. She gulped and before she knew what was happening, she walked straight up to Alex and brought her fist toward her face. She watched the petite girl fall toward the ground clutching her nose. Her hands were shaking as she glimpsed at the TV to see the two lovers move in perfect sync. She turned her head to look at Julian but Haley came into view.

"Are you okay?" Haley asked persistently as she examined Brooke like she had physical wounds. Brooke remained silent and Haley bit her bottom lip before she reached toward the plug on the TV and yanked it out of the wall. The room was silent. "Brooke?"

Brooke turned her attention to Haley and she slightly shook her head as she took a jagged breath. All of her insecurities seemed to rush to her in that moment. Her insecurities in herself. Her insecurities in her relationship. Her insecurities of Alex Dupre. They were all there. They seemed to consume her in that exact instant. She felt like her skin was on fire. "I need to get out of here."

Haley nodded as she remained looking at Brooke. "Just let me-."

"I want to go alone."

Haley waited a second before she nodded. She couldn't push Brooke if she didn't want to be with anyone. She didn't know what to do. She turned her head and saw Peyton pushing her way toward them. She gulped. They were all standing there in the middle of the room in their vintage flapper dresses but all the eyes were on Brooke. Everyone was waiting to see what else she would do.

"Are you-." Peyton stopped when she watched Brooke quickly turn around and push her way out of the room. She turned toward Haley, who's eyes were as wide as hers. "What the hell just happened?"

Haley didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything. She had no clue what to even say. Her mind was trying to wrap around the facts. She knew that Brooke was insecure about Alex: Brooke felt compared to the brunette. Haley just wanted to help her. She felt someone standing behind her and she turned to see Nathan there with Sam and Jake. "I'm gonna go find her." Haley started to push her way through the crowd and once she stepped outside she realized she wasn't alone. She took a sigh of relief when she saw Nathan step outside as well. He had taken off his fedora and his jacket. "You don't have to come with me."

Nathan looked at her hard for a moment before he continued walking toward her. He watched as she reached behind her and pulled her hair down so it flowed around her shoulders. Her honey-blonde hair seemed to glow against her skin. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I want too."

Haley smiled softly as she gestured for them to start walking. She brought her hands around her arms as they walked. They didn't speak for awhile but it was okay. She was grateful she wasn't alone and she was more than grateful that he was the one with her. "I hope she's okay."

Nathan turned his head and nodded. He didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted the slap the crap out of Julian for being an idiot who recored a sex tape and for actually keeping it. Especially at their fraternity house. They would probably get in trouble with the school board and their chapter members. Nathan shook his head. He didn't want to think about that right now.

"I've never had a good Halloween." Haley spoke after a few more minutes of silence. They were walking alongside another on the sidewalk toward campus. "Literally every year since I can remember has been horrible."

"How so?" Nathan asked softly as he kept his hands in his pockets. He glanced at her for a moment before glancing back at the ground as he continued to walk alongside her.

Haley took a deep breath as she let the outside air consume her lungs. She let it fill her up until she had to let it all go. "Last year with Clay.." She bit her lip but continued to walk forward. "One year I was in the hospital."

Nathan's head shot up at that. "Why?"

Haley shrugged. She never liked talking about it. She never liked talking about her father and she wished those memories and that pain would leave her alone. She wished that all those nights when she was younger, wishing to die instead of facing the next day, didn't exist. He had caused her so much pain. Not just externally but internally. He made her hate herself. "My dad. Thirty-four stitches to the scalp."

Nathan felt like the color red. He felt it before his eyes and it felt his hand clench in his pocket. The thought of Haley being hurt caused him to hurt. It pained him more than he could even explain. Watching his sister die from cancer caused him to grow detached and depressed. Watching the girl before him in pain caused him to want to explode with the rage that was built up inside of him. "I'm sorry." He offered after a few minutes. He didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to run and find the son of a bitch and hit him until his hands went numb.

"It's not your fault." Haley whispered as she bit her lip and glanced at him. Without realizing it, Nathan had taken his hand out of his pocket and intertwined it with hers. His hand was so much warmer than hers was. It was rougher than hers but she liked the contrast. Even though it was rough, it held hers so tenderly. She lightly gave his hand and squeeze and he then seemed to realize what he had done. She was happy he didn't pull his hand away. "I hope she's back at our room."

"Where else would she be?"

"I have no idea." Haley muttered as they approached her building. She hadn't seen any signs of Brooke in front of them as they walked. She just hoped that's where she was. She quickly led Nathan inside of the building and they climbed up to her floor. As they reached her room, Haley noticed that the door was a bit open. She let out a sigh of relief until she heard a voice behind her and Nathan.

"You beat me."

Haley turned quickly and watched as Brooke walked toward her with a grocery bag in hand. She dropped Nathan's hand as she turned toward the open door. She looked up and watched Nathan process the same thing. She turned to see Brooke standing right next to her. "You haven't been in the room since we left earlier?"

Brooke's eyes were wide as she shook her head. "No." She held up her grocery bag. "I got ice-cream and a Channing Tatum movie." Brooke turned and watched as Nathan signaled for them to be quiet before he went toward the door.

"Nathan!" Haley hissed as she reached for his hand. "Don't go in there!" It was no use. He had already pushed open the door before disappearing into it. Haley looked at Brooke and together, they walked into the room. Nathan was in the living room looking around. Everything seemed to be in the same state they had left it. She watched as Nathan brought his hand to his lips to signal for them to still be quiet. He looked around the room and reached for lamp on the coffee table as he headed down the small hallway.

Nathan felt his breath in his ears. He wasn't scared but he was scared. He pushed open the first door with his foot and walked inside. He looked around the room and he quickly opened the closet. It was empty. He turned to see Haley and Brooke standing in the doorway.

"Maybe we just forgot to shut the-." Brooke froze as she heard a crashing sound coming from the end of the hallway. "Okay seriously. If this is some Halloween prank I will be punching another person tonight." She whispered as she grabbed Haley's hand and watched as Nathan walked past them toward Haley's room. Brooke kept her grip on Haley's hand as they followed Nathan down the hallway.

Nathan lightly kicked open the door and was welcomed with a perfectly kept room except for the window. The wind was pushing against the blinds, which explained the banging noise. He turned toward Haley and smiled softy. "Just the window." He handed Brooke the lamp and placed his hands back into his pocket. "You must have not closed the door all the way when you left."

Haley seemed to be in a trance until she heard Nathan call her name softly. She shook her head and watched as Brooke walked out of her room. She turned back to Nathan. "Wait here. I'll be right back." She headed out of the room and watched as Brooke placed the lamp back onto the coffee table before turning around with determination to go into her room. "Hey."

Brooke stopped and gave a sad smile to Haley. "Hey."

Haley bit her lip as she stepped closer to her. "Are you okay?" She watched Brooke for a few seconds as she remained still before her. "Brooke?"

"I'm just embarrassed." Brooke mumbled as she looked at her best friend and took a deep sigh. "Mostly hurt but embarrassed too."

Haley didn't know what to say. She had something similar to that situation with Nathan last year. She had walked in on him and Rachel Gatina. She wondered how many girl's Nathan has been with or if he had a video similar to Julian's. The thought made her uneasy. She wondered if that's how Brooke felt. Maybe worse. She wasn't sure. She reached out and pulled Brooke into a hug. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Brooke shook her head against Haley's before she pulled away. She reached into her pocket and handed her iPhone to Haley. "I don't wanna be tempted to answer."

Like clock-work, Julian's face lit up the screen. Haley shoved the phone into her pocket as she glanced back at Brooke. "Let me tell Nathan goodbye and-."

"No, you should spend some time with him." Brooke said softly as she brought her hand to Haley's arm. "You deserve it and I kind of want to be alone for awhile."

"Are you sure?"

Brooke nodded even though her heart was hurting. Even though everything in her was hurting. She wanted nothing more than to crawl back to the person who had hurt her but she wasn't stupid. She felt her wall toward Julian build more and more as time passed. She smiled softly at Haley before walking into her room.

Haley heard Brooke's door close and she took a deep breath as she walked back toward her own room. She felt something swarm inside of her as she saw Nathan sitting on her bed. She brought her hands together as she walked into the room and shut the door behind her. She took a deep breath as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Hi."

Nathan looked up with a small smile. "Hi."

Haley itched to ask him what they were doing. Were they together? Was he going to tell girls who hit on him that he was taken? Did he fall asleep thinking about her like she fell asleep thinking about him? She just wanted to know but at the same time. she didn't. She walked toward her dresser and started to pull off her jewelry. She felt so nervous but so alive at the same time. She reached up and took out her fake diamond earrings. As she placed them onto her dresser, she looked up into the small mirror before her and saw Nathan watching her from the bed. She didn't know what came over her but she spoke without thinking. "Can you un-zip me?"

Nathan felt himself nod as he slowly rose from the bed and made his way behind her. He kept his eyes on her through the mirror the entire time. He brought his arms around her small frame and kissed the side of her head before he pulled away and started to unzip the low-cut dress. Once the zipper reached the bottom, Nathan watched as the large scar on her back came into view. He brought his hand across it. "Does it ever hurt?"

Haley felt her heart slamming against her ribs. Sometimes it did hurt. Not just the physical scar but what it held underneath. However, as Nathan ran his fingers across it, it didn't hurt so much. Every-time his fingers went over it, the pain seemed to seep out. "Not anymore."

Nathan ran over it one more time before he reached and kissed the back of her head. She turned so she was facing him and he let out a breath. She was beautiful. Not the kind of beautiful that would stop you on the street but the kind of beautiful that made you wish you had stopped when the moment passed. Her face was smooth but the more of her he saw, the more small scars he saw across her. There were small ones on her stomach. There was one underneath her ear. The one on her chest startled him most. The largest one was the one on her back. He didn't think these made her any less beautiful.

Haley looked down when she felt Nathan's eyes on her. She cleared her throat after a few minutes and looked up at him. "I'm gonna change. Do you care if.." She gestured toward the door and watched as it took a minute for him to process.

Nathan gave her a small smirk as he ran his hand up her arm. "I've seen you naked before, Hales."

Haley felt her cheeks redden at his words. She closed her eyes and shook her head playfully. She felt a kiss on her forehead and heard him chuckle softly before he disappeared from before her. Things were good with them. She liked how they were going and how they were becoming the people she knew they could be, or at least start to become them.

As she pulled herself out of her dress and into her pajamas, a thought entered her head. She hadn't opened the window that day.

* * *

Brooke let out a sigh as she walked out of her class that Monday afternoon. She didn't want to run into a single person today. She had gone all weekend without her iPhone. Brooke wasn't sure how she managed to do that. She placed her sunglasses over her head as she reached the fresh air from outside. She had a scowl on her face though. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into her bed and sleep for the rest of the week.

"Brooke."

She turned her head as she saw Julian push himself off of the wall behind her. She rolled her eyes and kept walking. She felt a tug on her arm and after a hesitated sigh, she spun back around toward the brown-eyed boy. She didn't speak to him but remained still.

Julian felt his breath catch in his throat as he slowly dropped his hand from her arm. He had gotten less than an hour of sleep in the past two days. He tried so hard to talk to Brooke but she would never answer the door or answer her phone for that matter. Looking at her now, he felt his chest grow tight and his resolve disappear. "Can you talk to me?" He didn't realize how desperate he sounded until he heard himself.

Brooke lifted her sunglasses off of her eyes as she stared at Julian. Part of her wanted to listen to him and the other part of her, hated the fact she would. She was sick of being used by boys. In high school, that's all she was. Used. The thought made her weary and the fact that someone she loved did something like that, caused her skin to boil. Sure, maybe they weren't together when it happened. She realized that but the fact that he seemed to not care as he went to bed with Alex Dupre but always stopped her when they even got somewhat close to having sex, caused her to doubt not only their relationship but herself. "About what?"

"Brooke.." Julian said softly as he shoved his hands into his leather jacket. "The video.."

"Oh you mean the video that publicly humiliated me? The video where you had sex with your ex-girlfriend? That video?" She scoffed with a shake of the head as she turned around and started to head in her original direction. She felt another pull on her arm. "What?"

Julian let go of her arm again and cleared his throat. "I love you. I never said that to Alex. I never loved anyone else the way I love you."

Brooke stared at him. A few days ago, she would have been gushing at his words. A boy loved her. What girl wouldn't want to hear that? However, the more she stood before him the more the words seemed to cause the weight in her chest to grow. "You had sex with her, Julian."

"I know."

She shook her head as she looked at him and started to walk backward. "I have to go."

"What about us?"

Brooke shrugged as she stopped and looked at him hard. She didn't know what they were. She didn't know anything anymore. "I don't know" She gave him a sad smile and turned so her back was toward him as she walked away. She felt tears weld up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She wouldn't do that to herself. She took a deep breath as she headed toward her next class. Only, she didn't want to be in class. She didn't want to sit in lecture when her mind wasn't even in it. She walked past the business building and walked until she was off of campus. She wasn't sure where she was going but she surely needed to get away. She walked the familiar back streets until she ended up at The Rusty Tavern downtown_. _She took a deep breath and opened the door and walked in. She sat herself at the bar and ordered a rum and coke.

"A little early to be drinking, huh?"

Brooke turned and her breath caught in her throat. She watched as the blonde man took the seat next to her.

"A little young to be drinking too." Lucas added quietly as he signaled the bartender for a drink himself. He looked over at her and saw she was just as beautiful as she was the last time he saw her. The was forever ago. They had spent the day in the house he had gotten for them and they were together for one last time. He woke up alone but he knew better than to chase after Brooke Davis.

Brooke smiled softly as she stirred her drink around before taking a sip. As she placed the glass onto the counter she turned to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Lucas replied as he smirked at her and took a sip of his beer. "I'm teaching here this semester."

Brooke was surprised by this. She hadn't seen him around and she knew Haley didn't have any classes with him this semester. "Ah, couldn't stay away, huh?"

Lucas nodded slowly as he took another swig from his beer. He did miss UNC. He missed the faculty and he missed his students there. He placed his beer onto the counter as he looked at her fully. "How are you? I heard about Mitchell." He remembered the day he read the article about his former student. It had hurt him reading about the boy who had so much ahead of him.

"Yeah." Brooke said softly as she leaned against the counter on her right elbow. "It was a really hard time for all of us but we're getting there."

Lucas smiled softly at that. "How's Haley?"

Brooke smiled at the kindness in his voice. Her roommate had respected the man before her so much despite everything. "Your favorite student is actually majoring in English."

Lucas smiled wide at that. He always knew Haley would somehow find her way. He was happy she was going in the direction of English. He knew she would be so brilliantly well at it. He played with the sticker on his beer. "You never answered me, how are you?"

Brooke wanted to avoid that question like it was her job. She took a long breath.

"That bad?"

"Ha-ha." Brooke muttered as she sat back in her chair. "Life kinda sucks lately." She admitted as she took another breath.

"Are you still with that guy?"

Brooke turned away from him and brought her rum and coke to her lips. She drank until the glass was empty and she slammed it onto the counter. "We're on a break right now."

"Ah." Lucas couldn't deny that he was somewhat grateful for that fact. He took a moment to admire her. Brooke Davis was certainly a sight for sore eyes. Her hair was tucked behind her in soft curls and she wore a red sweater that hugged her curves. He was in a bit of awe. "Care for another drink?"

Brooke turned her head and smiled slightly. "I'd love one."

* * *

Clay tapped his foot against the ground as he looked around the small room. The walls were a soft blue and there were pictures of babies all around him. He looked to see Lindsey laying excitedly on the exam table. He felt so nervous, he didn't really understand it. He brought a hand to his face and let out a soft sigh.

"What's wrong?" Lindsey asked softly as she sat up from the table. She watched Clay looking queasy before her. "Clay?"

Clay snapped his eyes back to Lindsey and took another sigh. He was so scared. What if something was wrong with their baby? What if something was wrong with Lindsey? He knew he shouldn't be thinking those things but he couldn't help it. He couldn't help it at all. "I'm sorry." He reached over and gave her his hand. She placed it between hers as she gave him a small smile. He took the time to look at her. Her hair was just a bit below her ears now and she was able to clip parts of it back. Today, she had clipped back her bangs with a small silver barrette. She wore a red polka-dot dress but she was currently in a blue and white stripped hospital gown. She still looked stunning. "I'm nervous."

"I caught onto that." Lindsey confirmed as she gave his hand a squeeze. She was nervous herself but she wasn't going to let that on. She was exhausted too. She wanted nothing more than to sleep. "We're going to be okay. We face things together, remember?"

"I remember." Clay leaned over and kissed her. God, he never thought he would be married and having a kid on the way a year ago. He didn't even think he would be alive. However, here he was. Before he could utter more, the door opened.

"My favorite patient."

Lindsey smiled as she gave Clay's hand a squeeze. "Doctor Shepherd." She smiled bigger as she watched the red-headed doctor move around the small room. "This is my husband, Clay."

Clay let go of Lindsey's hand so he could shake hands with the other woman in the room. He let out a small sigh of relief. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"Same goes to you." Mackenzie Shepherd declared as she let go of Clay's hand. She moved around the room to grab the ultrasound. "I'm gonna ask you to lift up your shirt a bit, Linds."

Clay watched as he wife lifted up a part of her small gown to show her exposed stomach. It was rounder now. He couldn't believe that there was a small person in there. Not just a person but their child. His child. It was scary. He only hoped he was a good father. He wanted to be nothing like his. He took a deep breath as he watched Doctor Shepherd place a gel onto Lindsey's stomach. Lindsey giggled at the feeling of it and Clay felt a small smile make it's way toward his lips. The room grew silent but suddenly, a soft thumping entered the room. Clay sat back as the thumping filled up his ears. It was so soft but it grew stronger. His fear was vanishing before his eyes. The sound seemed to be some sort of song. It made him feel better as it continued to play. He was going to be a father. He turned toward Doctor Shepherd. "Is it a girl or a boy?"

Mackenzie let out a soft laugh as she pulled the ultrasound away from Lindsey's stomach. "We won't be able to tell for a few more months." She looked at the computer and smiled at the stilled photos she took. "It looks like we have a healthy baby. Want to see?" She turned toward the nodding couple and smiled. She moved the ultrasound around and pointed at the picture on the screen. "Here is the head," she pointed and then shifted her hand. "and here, are the legs."

Clay felt his heart swarming in his chest. "Can we get a copy of this?"

Lindsey laughed slightly at his eagerness. She felt the same way though. She heard Mackenzie mumble some things off before leaving to print off their ultrasounds. She couldn't wait. She turned to her husband. "Are you excit-." She was cut off when Clay pressed his lips to hers. She smiled against his mouth. He kissed her for a bit longer before pulling away. "What was that for?"

Clay smiled as he reached to play with her hair. He studied her face before he leaned in and rested his face in the crook of her neck.

"Clay? Are you okay?"

Clay pulled his head away and smiled lazily at her. "I'm perfect."

* * *

"James, you suck."

Haley narrowed her eyes as she glared at Chase from across the basketball court. He had asked her to play a game of basketball and she didn't think he was being literal. She couldn't play basketball if her life depended on it. It ended up being a game of horse and Haley had definitely lost. "I told you that I wasn't the best."

"Wasn't the best? Hales, you didn't even make it close to the basket." Chase teased her playfully as he walked up to her. "I couldn't even try to let you win."

"Very funny." Haley muttered as she walked away from him toward the benches on the sideline.

"I'm only kidding." Chase took a spot next to her and playfully nudged her. He enjoyed spending time with Haley. She understood him and he somewhat understood her. There wasn't a boring day when it came to Haley James. "So, any big plans this weekend?"

"It's only Tuesday." Haley joked with a shake of her head before she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "There's this parent benefit dinner this Friday."

Chase had gathered over the past few months that Haley didn't have the best relationship with her parents, if a relationship at all. "What are you gonna do?"

Haley turned her head. She felt slightly embarrassed to speak but she did anyway. "You're going to think it's stupid."

"Nah, I doubt that." Chase spoke honestly as he gave her a small smile. He reached over and placed his arm around Haley's shoulders. "I'll never think you're stupid HJ."

Haley smiled as she brought her hands into her lap and began playing with her fingers. She peeked around the edges of her fingernails. "I've been seeing a therapist." She turned and was grateful that Chase didn't make a face at her statement. He had acted like it was a perfectly normal thing. "He's this really cool guy and he helps me..he's going to come Friday."

"That's actually really cool." Chase said honestly as he squeezed her to him before removing his arm and placing his hands into his own lap.

Haley turned to face him. She brought her left leg underneath her. "Do you think it's weird? That I'm seeing a therapist?"

Chase turned to her and smiled softly. "I saw a therapist once."

"Really? Why?" Haley watched as his face grew a bit pained. "If you don't mind me asking."

Chase shook his head as he took a deep breath. He never really talked about his past. He wondered if that's what he liked so much about Haley. They never really talked about how they got somewhere. Only that they were there. "My mom tried to kill herself when I was younger. So, I was put in therapy."

Haley was shocked at how calm he sounded. She placed her hand into his without thinking about it. "I'm sorry."

Chase shrugged it off. "It's over now." He turned his attention back toward her. "But no, I don't think you're weird. You're actually my best friend and I'm really proud of you."

Haley smiled as she gave his hand a squeeze. "I feel the same about you." She looked at the clock behind them and sighed. "Speaking of therapy, I gotta go." She squeezed his hand once more before she stood up quickly and stretched as she told Chase she would see him later. She quickly walked out of the gym and headed out. She took the fifteen minute walk to Andy's practice and smiled when the familiar building came into view. As she made her way up the stairs she watched as Alex Dupre opened the door and headed down them. Haley looked down.

Alex took a deep breath as she stopped on the stairs. She turned toward Haley. "Hey."

Haley nodded as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Yesterday at cheer practice, Alex hadn't showed and neither did Brooke. "Hey."

"I-um." Alex shook her head. "Can we not tell anyone about this?"

Haley nodded and watched as Alex smiled softly. She watched her continue down the stairs as she walked away. Haley took a deep breath and walked in. She smiled as she heard Andy talking on his phone. She knocked softly on the door and watched as he looked up at her and quickly ended his phone call. "Haley, it's great to see you."

Haley smiled softly as she made her way toward the familiar couch. "Did I come at a bad time?"

Andy looked at his phone for a moment before shaking his head. "No, not at all."

Haley sat back on the couch as she watched Andy move from his desk and take up the chair before her. He smiled at her and Haley smiled back. "Oh! I have something for you." She reached into her bag and pulled out a light blue ticket. "You need this to get in the door."

Andy took the small blue card into his hands. "I can't wait."

* * *

Brooke brought the colored pencil between her lips as she looked at her design. She smiled softly as she ran her hands across the pattern. She was about to bring the red colored pencil back toward the dress when there was a knock at the door. She looked from the couch to see Haley make her way toward the door. Brooke went back to her drawing.

"Uh, hi." Haley stepped aside as the older man made his way through the doorway. She turned to see Brooke drop her colored pencil.

Brooke narrowed her eyes as she stood up quickly. "What are you doing here?"

"That's no way to talk to your father."

Brooke rolled her eyes as she stood up. Of course the one time her father decided to show up to something was when he wasn't invited. She turned to see Haley's eyes wide as she stood behind her father. Brooke crossed her arms. "Haley, asshole. Asshole, Haley."

Ted Davis let out a long chuckle as he narrowed his eyes at his daughter. "Always the funny girl." He turned around and stuck his hand out. "Haley is it?"

"Sorry, I didn't catch your name."

Ted let go of her hand. "Ted Davis." He smiled at her brightly before turning back to his daughter. "Care for lunch?"

"Not really." Brooke quickly spat out as she glared at him. "Why are you here?"

Ted nodded his head as he set down his bag. He looked around the room and smiled at it. He took a deep breath. "I got a letter for the parent benefit dinner, so I came."

"I didn't invite you." Brooke spoke as she glared at him again. "Plus, I'd like for you to stay away from my friends."

Ted narrowed his eyes at his daughter this time. Ted Davis was not a man who liked when things were shoved back into his face. "What did you just say to me?"

"Mr. Davis." Haley interjected as she moved so she was between the glaring pair. "Maybe you should come back another time." She watched as the older man nodded his head before picking up his bag and walking out of the room. Not without slamming the door. Haley turned to Brooke. "Are you okay?"

"This week sucks." Brooke exclaimed as she started to pace around the living room. "Literally sucks. First, my crappy boyfriend forgets to tell me that he's had sex before! Second I run into Lucas, third my dad-"

"Wait, what?"

Brooke froze as she turned to Haley. "What?"

"You saw Lucas?"

Brooke's eyes widened. She knew she forgot to mention to Haley that small fact. She hadn't done it on purpose. It merely slipped her mind. However, she wished she hadn't mentioned it to her at all. Nothing happened after they had two more drinks. He drove her back to campus and said he would see her around. She found herself telling the story to Haley as they stood in the living room.

"Wow, are you okay with that?"

Brooke shrugged. "I'd really like to be friends with him, yeah." She muttered honestly as she turned to Haley with a half grin. "It was good to see him."

Haley smiled softly. She often found herself missing her old teacher. Lucas was the reason she wanted to be a English teacher. She brought a hand to her hair and let out a sigh. "Now, what are we going to do about your dad?"

Brooke wanted to scream. She wanted nothing to do with her father. Her parents in general sucked. They were never there for her when they needed them. They would only pick out the bad things about her. "I have no idea."

Haley offered her a small. "I'm really sorry all of this is happening."

Brooke looked down at the ground. Here she was complaining about her parents when Haley didn't really have any. "It's alright. I think I'm just going to skip the dinner thing anyway."

"Brooke.."

"It's okay." Brooke mumbled as she turned around and plopped herself back onto the couch. She brought her design back into her lap and brought the coloring pencil across the page. "I have to finish this."

Haley stared at her for a moment before turning around and heading back to her room.

* * *

"So are your parents coming tonight?" Peyton asked from across a table in the union. She watched as Nathan rolled his eyes as he continued to eat his chicken and waffle sandwich. "That thing looks gross and answer me." She kicked him lightly under the table.

Nathan finished his bite. "My dad and my step-mom are coming." He rather run suicides than sit through a dinner with his step-mom and his father. He wanted nothing to do with them. His father was all about appearances though. "Is your dad coming?"

"Nah." Peyton muttered as she bit into her apple. "He's in Afghanistan." She mumbled the last part. She never told Nathan that her father was in the Army. She didn't like to talk about it much either. She missed her dad. He was everything and more. He was always there for her and she was always there for him. The last time she spoke to him was almost a week ago.

"Oh, I didn't know."

"It's alright." Peyton picked at her apple as she looked across the table. "So, what's new with you?"

"What do you mean?"

Peyton rolled her eyes at him. "You and Haley."

Nathan couldn't help but smile at the mention of Haley's name. They usually spent the night together. He found out that he couldn't sleep without her. Well, he could but he didn't like too. "Things are good. How about you and Jagielski?" He didn't know why but he didn't want to talk about his relationship with Haley. He didn't want anything to halt what was happening to them now.

Peyton shrugged. "We're friends I think."

"Like we're friends?"

Peyton recalled the memory of kissing Jake at the Halloween party. The thought warmed her cheeks. "No, not like us."

Nathan smirked. "So, you like him?"

Peyton rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

Nathan let out a chuckle. "Peyton Sawyer has a crush."

"Seriously, shut up before I kill you."

Nathan chuckled again before he reached over and placed his hand over hers. Peyton was someone that Nathan was grateful to have in his life. She was understanding and she was someone who understood him. "Just be careful, okay?"

Peyton nodded her head and looked at him seriously. "Of course I will."

Nathan smiled at her as he finished his sandwich. "Alright, well I gotta go." He smiled at her softly before he walked away from her and headed out of the union. He was about to place headphones in his ears when he heard someone call his name. He turned his head slightly and with a frown, watched as his father walked up toward him. He turned his head and prayed that Peyton would come rushing out of the union but she didn't.

"Son." Dan said strongly as he walked closer to Nathan. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

"What are you doing here?" Nathan saw the look of confusion on his father's face so he gestured toward the campus.

"Oh. I was dropping off my scholarship check." Dan cleared his throat as he adjusted his tie. "How are you?"

Nathan was a bit taken back. His father hadn't ever addressed how he was before but before he could open his mouth, his father went off on a tangent about basketball. How this was the year that Nathan needed to step up or quit basketball. He hated it. He hated that he couldn't have a normal conversation with his father. It was always about basketball and if it wasn't about basketball it was about his grades so he could play basketball. Nathan zoned out as he heard his father continue to ramble. Nathan loved basketball. He loved the game. He loved stepping onto that court and having the rest of the world be silenced. However, if he could have a normal life with his father growing up, he might have taken it. A normal life. The thought haunted him. Nathan moved his head slightly and felt a smile grace his face as Haley walked toward him. He turned to his father. "Dad-."

"Mr. Scott." Haley mumbled softly as she glanced up at the man. She had met him one a few times in her life but they weren't the fondest of memories.

Dan clenched his jaw. "Holly, was it?"

"It's Haley." Nathan muttered. "Give us a second." He pulled Haley a few feet away and smiled at her. He was so grateful she was there. "Hi."

Haley smiled back at him. "Hi." She nodded her head toward his father. "How are you doing?"

Nathan rolled his eyes as he glared at his father and spoke. "Can't have a conversation with him unless it's about basketball." He turned his attention back to Haley. "I'm glad I got to see you though."

Haley smiled at that. She felt her heart speed up. "You'll see me tonight too."

"Thankfully." Nathan turned to watch his father glaring at them. "I should go-." He nodded toward his father. "Deal with that."

Haley brought her lip between her teeth as she nodded. "Sounds like a good idea."

Nathan gave her a small smile. "I'll kiss you later." He smirked as he watched her cheeks redden before he walked past her and back toward his father.

* * *

"I can't believe he showed up."

Haley turned from her spot at the table to see Brooke's father make his way into the ballroom. She turned in her seat toward her best friend who was glaring. Haley bit her lip as she turned toward the empty set next to her. She had told Andy the time. He had five minutes left. She didn't know why she was getting so worked up about it. Haley turned back to Brooke. "Ma-."

"What are you doing here?" Brooke demanded as she watched her father sit down next to her. She had decided to attend the benefit dinner, despite her previous statements against it. She turned her head and saw Peyton sitting next to Nathan. For a strange reason, she felt worse for Peyton. She turned her attention back to her father. "Well?"

"Brooke." Ted was forcing a smile. "Can you shut up?"

Brooke hushed herself as she looked down at the table. She felt tears come to her eyes but she kept them at bay. As she took a jagged breath, she turned her head away from her table again and watched as Julian walked in with his parents. His stupid perfect parents and his stupid perfect face. She literally wanted to be anywhere but here. She should of just stayed home.

Haley reached over and patted Brooke's shoulder before she glanced at the clock again. It was officially eight. She bit at her bottom lip. She would give him another five minutes.

An hour later, Haley was sitting at the table listening to Dan Scott give an over-the-top speech about basketball and how much it means to his family and the world. She turned to see Peyton trying to cheer Nathan up by making faces at him. It made her envious. She wished she had sat there instead of where she was. She turned toward the vacant seat again and gave out a jagged breath. She didn't know why she expected anything differently. She turned to see Brooke playing with her iPhone next to her. She chuckled softly at that. "I think I'm going to go."

Brooke snapped her attention to Haley. "Haley, you cannot leave me here."

Haley bit her lip and whispered back. "Then come with me."

Brooke had a small gleam in her eye as she nodded quickly. She turned back to her father. "I'll be back." She stood up and nodded toward the door at Peyton. The three of them quickly made there way into the hallway.

"That sucked royal ass." Peyton muttered as she leaned against the wall. She looked at Brooke and felt her insides mush together. She didn't want things to be awkward again between her and Brooke with her father here. They had worked so hard to get their friendship back on track. "How are you?"

Brooke shrugged as she played with the bottom of her red dress. "I hate my dad."

Haley remained silent as she leaned up against the wall as well. She just wanted to get out of there entirely. She wanted to run home and be in the comfort of her own bed. Or, she wanted to be with Nathan. Like he could read her mind, he came out into the hallway.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Ditching." Peyton muttered with a chuckle as she gestured for her and Brooke to give the two some space.

Haley turned on her side so she was still leaning against the wall. "Sorry, I just can't stand it in there."

"It's alright." Nathan gave her a smile before he nervously leaned down and kissed her. He pulled away slowly and smiled when he heard her whimper. "I wish I could go with you."

Haley brought her hands toward his blue jacket and nodded. "You can come over later."

"I might have to take you up on that."

Haley smiled as she looked up at him. He was so handsome. She didn't understand how someone could be so attractive and so smart at the same time. He looked so good in his tux as well. "I hope so." She leaned up on her toes and kissed him softly. The kiss lasted longer than the one before. She seemed to drink him in. He was intoxicating. She pulled away softly and let go of his jacket. "I'll see you later."

Nathan nodded as he looked over her and waved to Brooke and Peyton before disappearing back into the ballroom.

Haley made her way toward the three girls who were giggling about the kiss they witnessed. Haley giggled softly as well before she fell in step with them. They mostly joked about Brooke's dad on the walk home. Haley shook her head at the two of them but she was happy. Her life was going on track. Sure, the fact Andy had ditched her, stung at her heart but she didn't understand why. He wasn't her father. She needed to realize that. She was a girl that didn't have any real parents. None worth knowing, anyway. Besides that, her life was turning out better than what she expected.

The three walked toward their dorm almost drunkenly on laughter. The sound was like music to Haley's ears. Once they got to their floor, the laughter died down. As Haley got closer to the door, she realized there was a enevelope taped to the front of her door. She turned toward Brooke who merely shrugged. She reached for the envelope and took in the soft script of her name across it.

"What is it?" Peyton asked as she watched Haley turning the envelope over in her hands.

Haley shrugged as she peeled open the bright red wax seal. She bit her lip as she pulled out the folded white piece of paper. She slowly opened it and let out a scream.

Brooke reached for the paper in Haley's hands and her eye's widened. The piece of paper was a picture of Haley and across her face in bright red letters was: I'M CLOSER THAN YOU THINK.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen - Milk by _Snow Patrol_

**I called and I called, but I can't get through.**  
**Said he's on his own, but his own is you.**

"Haley? What's going on?" Brooke murmured as she had taken a spot next to the blonde. She looked down at the photograph in her hands and almost cringed. Whoever did this, did it out of something that seemed worse than hate. She could recall that the picture of Haley was a few days ago by the outfit she was wearing. She was listening to her iPod and walking on the sidewalk. The person had obviously been close enough for the picture but not close enough for Haley to realize what they were doing. The thing that startled Brooke most was the sharp words against Haley's face. They were a dark red. She could tell they were painted on but it was almost dry. I'm closer than you think. It even startled her. "Can you talk to me?"

Haley had finally stopped screaming but she felt like she was. Her voice was caught in her throat. She glanced down at the photo in Brooke's hands and she felt like running but she remained still. She had no idea what was happening. She didn't know who left the letter or most importantly, why. It was scary to think about and she certainly didn't want to think about it.

Brooke looked at the photo once more before she reached in front of her to place it onto the coffee table. Before she could speak again, Peyton walked back into the room holding her iPhone.

"I called Nathan." Peyton said somewhat shyly as she made her way in front of them on the couch. "He's on his way."

Haley snapped her head toward the curly blonde. "Nathan is going to freak out."

Peyton bit her lip. She was surprised Nathan had even answered the phone since he was still at the benefit dinner. However, once she spoke to him about the photo, she could hear the anger and fear in his voice as he told her he was on his way. "He kinda already is."

"You told him?" Brooke asked as she brought her hand to run up and down Haley's back. She thought about something else. "Should we call Clay?"

Haley began shaking her head excessively. She couldn't get Clay into this. Not now. Now when everything with him and Lindsey was going so well. This would only scare him. This would only cause him to go out and search for their father. She wasn't even sure if the photo was from her father. The thought startled her. "No."

"Haley.." Brooke drew out as she looked at Peyton. "We should call your brother."

Haley shook her head again as she forced herself to stand up. She couldn't do that to him. Not right now. "Just, wait. Okay?" They had already called Nathan. She wished they hadn't but she was grateful they did. She needed him here. She began pacing the living room as she thought about the photograph. Her father had done so many bad things that it could be from almost anyone. If could be from an old partner or a drug deal gone bad. The fact that it could even be from him scared her most. They tried so hard to get away from him and he had stayed away but what if he was back? She was jolted out of her thoughts when there was a loud knock on the door. How much time had passed? She watched as Peyton made her way to it and pulled it open after checking in the peep-hole.

Nathan felt out of breath. After the call from Peyton, he practically ran over to Haley's dorm room. He was so afraid. Images of seeing Haley in the water after the accident flooded his mind and he hated it. He couldn't stand the fact that something could happen to her. He wanted her to be safe. He needed her to be safe. He quickly made his way into the room and moved past Peyton to wrap his arms around Haley. It took her a moment before she settled into his arms. He let out a small sigh of relief. He kissed the top of her forehead as he held her to him. He held her there for a few minutes before he pulled away. "Where's the picture?"

Peyton noticed that Haley wasn't going to speak up, so she reached down toward the coffee table and picked up the photo. She handed it over in Nathan's direction and watched as his face hardened.

"It was just on the door?"

Brooke nodded at that as she reached next to her and pulled out the envelope. The writing on the envelope was so much nicer than the writing on the picture. The envelope was in soft cursive and it seemed almost angelic. She handed that over to Nathan as well.

Nathan looked at the two things in his hand before looking over at Haley. Her bottom lip was between her teeth and he could see that she was genuinely scared. "You can't stay here." He spoke softly but he looked at the pieces in his hands as he spoke.

Haley's eyes shot toward Nathan. She took a deep breath as she turned toward Brooke. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gotten you into this."

Brooke didn't really understand but she remained still. "It's okay."

"No it's not okay." Haley muttered as she crossed her arms over her chest. "None of this is okay."

Peyton watched to see Brooke staring blankly at the ground and Nathan staring at the photo and envelope in his hands. She turned her attention to Haley. She barely knew this girl but she felt like she needed to protect her. She had too. It was a strange feeling but it was there. She cared for Haley. She was a nice girl and she was someone that she felt she could open up too. Sure, she didn't know her as much as Brooke or Nathan did but they had connected on another level. Music. "None of this is your fault, Haley. We can't.." Peyton looked down at the ground for a moment before she turned her attention back to Haley. She was surprised that Haley was looking back at her. "we can't pick who our family is. We can't pick the moments in our life and we sure as hell get to pick our friends. We wouldn't all be here if we didn't care about you." She took a deep breath as she remained staring at Haley. "We're here because we care. You can't feel guilty about that."

Nathan nodded in Peyton's direction as he folded the picture back up. He looked at Haley and felt his heart breaking in his chest. She was so hurt and upset. It hurt him to think he couldn't really help her with it. "Live with me."

Haley looked at him hard. "What?"

Nathan swallowed hard as he looked at her. "If you move into the apartment you'll have me, Chase, Jake and Quentin. I'll feel better if you're.." He didn't know what to add. Safe. He wanted her to be safe and by God, he would die before letting something bad happen to her.

Brooke finally spoke up from her spot. "I think you should do it, Hales. You need to be safe."

Haley turned her attention to Brooke. For a minute, she let Peyton and Nathan disappear. Brooke was the ideal definition of a best friend and more. Brooke never gave up on her, even when she gave her plenty of reasons too. Brooke stayed by her side and Brooke fought for their friendship. Haley only wished she didn't take it for granted for so long. After Mitchell died, a piece of her had died but Brooke had kept it all along. Brooke was the friend she always needed and the friend she knew she would have forever. In that moment, Haley realized that. "I can't leave you."

Brooke tried to smile even though she knew she was crying. "You'll never be leaving me."

Haley quickly went and wrapped her arms around the girl. After a few minutes she pulled away and cleared out her nose. "You can't stay here though. You need a new room."

Brooke nodded as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'll talk to the RA tomorrow." She turned toward Peyton and let out a small breath. "Do you feel up to moving with me?"

Peyton looked between Haley and Brooke as she nodded. She didn't want Haley to think she was taking her place. Sure, she was friends with Brooke and their friendship was becoming what it once was but she knew she would never have a friendship with Brooke like Haley had.

Nathan had kept his eyes on Haley the whole time. Once she rubbed her eyes, she turned toward him and nodded softly in accepting his offer. He reached into his suit jacket and pulled out his iPhone. "I'm going to call Chase and let him know about our plan." He tried to smile at the three of them as he went out into the hallway to make the call.

Haley remained standing as she looked around the living room. She let out a shaky breath. She knew she shouldn't apologize again but she wanted too. She would be forever in debt with them. A debt that you only get in from having a friendship as great as the one they were giving her. She bit her lip as she kept looking around before turning her attention toward the two of them. "I guess I should start packing."

Brooke nodded as she smiled softly in Haley's direction. She looked at Peyton and took a small breath. "Do you care if Haley and I just pack alone for awhile?"

Peyton nodded in understanding as she gestured toward the door. "I'll just wait for Nathan. Let me know if you need any help."

Brooke nodded as she gestured for Haley to walk toward her room. The two girls made their way toward the room at the end of the hallway and sighed softly. Haley didn't have a lot of stuff but she had enough to keep the occupied for awhile. "Where should we start?"

Haley shrugged. She just wanted to sleep. "I guess my clothes." They made their way toward the closet and started to pull out the clothes. Brooke had taken out a few of Haley's duffel bags and boxes from move-in day. As Haley would pull out clothes, Brooke would fold them up and tuck them into the bags. Nathan and Peyton would check on them ever so often, but it was mostly Haley and Brooke together in silence as they packed. They weren't even sure how much time had passed since they started packing up they had finished before the sun got back up.

Brooke looked around the empty room and felt her heart beating hard against her ribs. They were surrounded by boxes and duffel bags. She watched as Haley stared blankly at the wall. "Hales." Haley turned her attention toward her and Brooke smiled softly. "I'll be over all the time. Living with four boys is bound to get a little out of control." She tried to joke but it was no use. She knew she wasn't smiling and she watched as Haley's face remained motionless. "It's going to be okay."

Haley nodded softly as she stared at Brooke. "Thank you." She motioned around them but she was speaking on a deeper level. "You've done so much for me and I haven't done anything for you."

"Sure you have." Brooke smiled at that. Haley had done so much for her. Haley showed her what real friendship was and Haley showed her the little things in life. "You'll always be my best friend, okay?"

Haley felt herself crying at that but she nodded. "You'll always be mine."

Brooke grinned as she reached over and pulled Haley into a tight hug. "I was hoping you would say that." She held onto her tightly for a bit longer. Before she pulled away there was a knock at the door. Nathan opened the door with Peyton and Chase behind him.

"Are you almost done?"

"We just finished actually." Brooke answered as she patted Haley on the back and smiled at her. She reached down and grabbed a few bags and watched as everyone did the same. They made their way toward Nathan's SUV parked outside and quickly loaded up Haley's things into the back of it. Since there were five of them, it didn't take long. Brooke let out a breath as she watched Nathan close the trunk after the last bag was placed into it.

Nathan turned toward the small group and nodded his head toward the dorm. "Chase is going to stay with you guys tonight and talk to the RA with you." He watched them nod but he saw that Haley wasn't even paying attention. He took a small breath as he watched them all hug Haley before disappearing back into the building. Nathan remained standing there as he watched Haley looking at the dorm. "Hales, we should get going." It was almost five in the morning.

Haley turned her head toward him and watched as he walked toward the passenger side of the SUV. He opened the door for her and waited until she was sitting inside so he could close it after her. Haley felt so nervous but she didn't have time to feel nervous about it. She wasn't even sure if that made sense. She watched as Nathan opened the drivers side and quickly situated himself as he put the key in the ignition. "Nathan." He turned toward her as she was surprised due to the fact her voice came out in a soft whisper. "Thank you."

Nathan nodded as he tried to muster a smile. He surely felt better about her being with him than being in the dorm building. Instead of answer her, he reached over and kissed her softly. His heart was hammering in his chest as he felt her bring her arms around his neck to keep him there. "Are you okay?" His voice was a soft whisper now too.

Haley nodded her head as she kept her hands on his neck. She inhaled his scent and she was so happy she was there. She felt safe. "I am now."

Nathan pulled out of her hands away from his neck and kissed it softly before pulling away and returning to his seat. He kept her small hand between his as he drove. The drive to his apartment hadn't taken that long as he was happy about it. Once they got to his apartment building he was somewhat happy to see Quentin and Jake sitting outside waiting for them. Chase must have called them once they left. He squeezed Haley's hand before turning off the car and getting out of the car. He made his way toward the back and was grateful that Jake and Quentin went with him without muttering a word. They grabbed as much as they could and walked toward their apartment. Nathan grabbed the last two boxes and let Haley grab her messenger bag and a duffel bag. He lead her toward the apartment and was grateful that they actually cleaned the apartment earlier for his parents. His parents. Shit. He had totally left his dad and step-mom at the benefit dinner without saying much. He was surely going to get hell for it but he didn't care. He lead Haley toward his bedroom and set down the rest of her bags in the corner Quentin and Jake had left before muttering goodnight and going to their own rooms. He watched as Haley looked around the room with her bottom lip between her teeth. His room was bigger than her room at the dorm but it wasn't bigger by much. "We can rearrange whatever you want tomorrow."

Haley shook her head as she took in the room more. He had a decent sized dresser with a mirror next to his bed. His bed was at least a queen size. It had a dark brown bed frame and a gray and brown comforter. She wondered if his mom picked it out. There were a few posters on his wall but not much. There was a closet next to the door that seemed twice as big than hers at the dorm. She turned her head to see Nathan unbuttoning his shirt. She felt her cheeks redden as she turned away. She reached into the blue duffel bag that she remembered Brooke had packed a pair of pajamas into with her bathroom necessities. She brought the bag to her shoulder and turned to him. "I'm going to.." She gestured toward the bag.

"Right." Nathan had his shirt unbuttoned but he was still wearing it. He gestured toward the hallway. "The first bathroom is the one I share with Chase." He watched her nod before disappearing silently into the hallway. He let out a shaky breath as he took off his shirt and pants and put on a pair of sweatpants before sitting down on the bed. She came back in a few minutes later with a gray tank-top and a pair of blue shorts on. Her hair was down and she had taken off all her make-up.

Haley took a deep breath as she put the duffel bag back onto the ground with her dirty clothes. She turned toward the bed and made her way to the side Nathan wasn't sitting on. She pulled the comforter out and watched as Nathan stood up and did the same. They got into the bed at the same time and Haley was grateful that it didn't feel awkward. It actually felt like they had done this a million times before. She watched as Nathan reached over and turned the light from his end-table off. They were consumed by the darkness but they were together.

* * *

Brooke let out a small groan as she place the last box onto the ground. After talking to their RA the next morning, she was moved to a new dorm building with Peyton. The set up of the suite was the same and Brooke was grateful for that. "I didn't realize how much crap I had."

"Me either." Peyton joked softly as she flopped herself down onto the couch. Chase had helped the move things in and out but he had left once they got everything into the room. "I'm exhausted."

Brooke was exhausted too. Every bone in her body seemed to ache. She looked around the living room and felt her chest ache softly. She missed Haley already but she was happy she was rooming with Peyton. "At least it's Saturday."

Peyton laughed as she closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the couch. Suddenly, there was a soft knock at the door. "What the hell? Go away." She kept her eyes closed and she heard Brooke chuckle from beside her.

Brooke made her way toward the door with a smile as she slowly pulled it open. She wasn't surprised to see Julian on the opposite side. As they were unpacking she noticed that Chase was texting him but she didn't try to get more information about it. She didn't want to care but she did. "Can I help you?"

Julian let out a breath as he looked to see all the boxes behind her. So it was true that she moved. Chase had filled him in on the situation that morning and it had scared him. He wanted Brooke to be okay. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Ha." Brooke mocked him as she rolled her eyes. "That's funny."

"Brooke.." Julian didn't know how to make it up to her. He needed her back. He couldn't sleep without knowing she was his and his body could barely relax with the realization that he wasn't. He messed up big. He knew that. God, when he made that sex tape with Alex he wasn't even close to being sober, not that is was an excuse. He never wanted to lose his virginity that way. Especially to Alex. The reason he wanted to wait to have sex with Brooke was because he wanted it to be special. He wanted it to be something that wasn't poorly recorded or something he didn't care for doing. He loved her and he wanted to make love to her. He just wanted the right moment. Maybe watching too many movies made him feel that way but he did. "Are you okay?"

"Why does it even matter to you?"

"Because I love you."

Brooke was a bit taken back by the determination in his voice. She hated that her heart started beating quickly at the mere mention that he loved her. She loved him but she didn't trust him. She still felt embarrassed. She felt used too. She wasn't sure how that could be because her boyfriend didn't even want to have sex with her. "Yeah well, maybe that's not enough anymore." She didn't know why she said that but she had. On some level it was true. Love was a crazy game and she didn't know if she could play it anymore. It exhausted her bones and it made her head spin around in her brain. "And maybe you should have thought about that before having sex with Alex and not having sex with me!"

Julian closed his eyes for a moment before looking at her. She did look tired but it didn't matter. She looked beautiful to him no matter what. He wanted to tell her that but he decided it probably wasn't in his best interest to do so. "We weren't together then."

"Well, we've been together for a few months now and you still won't have sex with me." She didn't know why she was making such a big deal about it but she was. She didn't even care if Peyton could hear their conversation.

Julian let out a breath as he looked at her. He just wasn't ready for that yet but he didn't want to seem like some prude if he said that. He wanted to be with her in every way that he could but it scared him. He loved her. He didn't think secondly of that. "I know."

Brooke only looked at him as she felt her anger slowly fall down. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and have him hold her close. "I think you should leave."

Julian nodded his head but remained looking at her. "Can I ask you something?" He watched her take a moment before nodding her head. He let out a small breath as he thought of what to say next. "What are we? Are we together..are we..not."

Brooke crossed her arms as she looked at him. She didn't know what to say and she surely didn't know how to say it. She wished this never happened but of course it happened to her. That's what her life did. It did whatever it was that she didn't want it to do. "I don't know." She admitted truthfully as she looked at him. "I don't know if I'll be ready for us to be together like that again..if at all."

"God, Brooke. Don't talk like that."

Brooke bit her lip. "I'm not saying it to be mean. I'm saying that because that's how I feel." She watched as he nodded his head after a few minutes before mumbling a goodbye and walking away. She watched him until he reached the elevator. She closed the door and turned to look at Peyton who was still on the couch. "Don't say anything."

"Wasn't gonna."

* * *

Haley woke up to any empty bed. The light from the outside was seeping into the room and it caused her to blink a few times. She heard voices from the kitchen so she stretched up and got out of bed. She made the bed and then made her way out of the room and into the kitchen. Chase and Nathan were sitting at the kitchen island while Quentin was making something on the stove. Quentin noticed her first. "Nice to see you awake, HJ."

Nathan and Chase turned their heads to her after that. Haley nodded as she made her way to the empty stool next to Nathan. Last night she had slept like a baby. At first it had been a little bit awkward but they settled into the bed together and eventually themselves tangled together. "What's for breakfast?"

Quentin smirked at her from the stove. "My famous french toast."

Nathan rolled his eyes as he brought his right hand to the back of Haley's stool. He started to rub her back as he heard her laughing at Quentin. He was happy she was here. Well, the circumstances weren't what he liked but she was here and she was somewhat his. Well, they hadn't talked about that really either. He turned to her and smiled. "Feeling okay?"

Haley nodded at him as she smiled softly. She loved him but she wouldn't say that again. Not until the time was right. She was surprised she slept so well after last night. She didn't have a single nightmare. She wasn't sure if it was because she was in Nathan's bed or if it was because she was with him. She chose the latter. After a few minutes, Quentin placed two pieces of french toast before her. She quickly bit into it and was in amazement. It was definitely the best french toast she had ever had. "This is really good."

Quentin smiled for a moment before he frowned slightly. "Well remember how you feel about it now and how much you love me before the next five minutes."

"What?" Haley turned toward Nathan who looked just as confused as she did. "Why?"

Quentin looked like a deer in headlights. He whistled nervously before he looked at the three eyes on him. "I called Clay and he's on his way."

"Wha-what? What would you do that?" Haley turned toward Nathan but saw him looking just as confused as she felt. Surely, Quentin had done this all on his own. She bit her lip as she turned her attention back to Quentin but before he could answer, there was a knock at the door. Quentin walked quickly toward the door and pulled it open to revel Clay James. He muttered a few apologizes before disappearing into his room. "Clay.."

Clay walked quickly into the apartment and stared at his sister. "Are you okay?"

Haley nodded softly and instantly felt guilty for not telling her brother right away. She looked to see Chase mutter a hello before he picked up his cup of coffee and went in the same direction Quentin had gone in. She turned her head to see Nathan looking at her softly. He reached forward and kissed her forehead before he too, went to his room. Haley didn't know what to say. She was scared but she didn't want Clay to be. "How are you?"

"How am I?" Clay mocked softly as he stared at his twin. "I get a call from Quentin telling me that you're moving in here because you're not safe at the dorm? How the hell do you think I am?"

Haley bit her lip so hard that she felt blood gush into her mouth. "I didn't want to get you involved."

"You didn't want to get me involved? Well, Hay, you're my sister so I'm pretty much involved no matter what."

Haley knew that but she wanted just for once to have Clay out of it. She wanted him to have the life he always wanted. He deserved it. He deserved that and so much more. "Are you mad?"

"Am I.." Clay stopped as he realized his tone. He let out a breath as he looked at his sister. He had been so scared when he got that phone-call. He was worried something had happened to her. That someone had hurt her. He wasn't sure what was worse. The idea of someone hurting her or the idea of someone scaring her. "I'm not mad."

"Sure." Haley muttered lazily as she remained sitting on the stool. "Nathan wanted me to move in..I-."

"I'm glad you're here." Clay interrupted as he looked down at his sister. "I trust him." He did trust Nathan. He trusted Nathan with his wife and he trusted Nathan with his sister. "I just wish you would have called me."

"I know." Haley mumbled as she looked at him. After a few seconds, she stood up and wrapped her arms around him. She was pissed that Quentin called him but she was happy he was there. She didn't need to explain herself to him. He knew everything about her and she knew everything about him. "I'm sorry." She pulled away and she answered a few of his questions about what exactly happened. The more she spoke, the more he would say how grateful he was that she was here instead of at the dorm. She was nervous about it though. She didn't want anyone to risk anything because of her. She wasn't worth it.

After listening to Haley talk for a few minutes, Clay looked at her and let out a breath. "What do you think we should do?"

Haley looked at him hard and finally spoke the one thing that had been on the back of her mind since last spring. "I think we should find Ellie Harp."

* * *

Alright, I'm getting a lot of messages about me not sticking to this story and I kind of don't understand. I update this story at least once a week and I got an idea for another story and I'm really excited about it. I understand that you guys want me to "stick to a story and finish it". However, that is not how I work as a writer. If I don't take my mind off of one story and onto another, I won't ever finish one. Writing helps me think and it helps me creatively. So, if you don't like that, I'm sorry but that's who I am. I'm not going to take all this hate I'm getting and honestly, if I keep getting it I might just delete everything because writing is my way of release and if people are going to judge how I do it, then I don't see the point. I don't mean to rant or sound emotional but a few of the messages and reviews I've gotten have really made me not want to write at all. I hope I am able to finish this story and my other new one because I really want to speak for the characters I've made and I hope to give their stories justice. Again, I love your reviews and criticism but if you're going to tell me what to do, and how I should operate, I won't be finishing my stories.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

I can't believe the responses you all left me for the last chapter. I was literally in tears from the amount of love I received. Thank you all for just being amazing. This chapter is for all of you that believe in this story and believe in me. Much love & happy reading. Also! The song line Lindsey sings is A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope, I feel it's the perfect song for their relationship. If you haven't listened to it, I highly recommend!

* * *

Chapter Fourteen - The Funeral by _Band of Horses _

**I'm coming up only to hold you under and coming up only to show you're wrong.**

"It looks like a bunch of guys live here."

Haley rolled her eyes with a smile as she walked into her bedroom with Brooke behind. Well, it wasn't really her bedroom but it was. The past few days she had been putting her stuff away and Nathan even let her move around the room a bit. Half of the dresser was taken up with her things and half of the closet was too. The bed now had more pillows and the CD rack was filled to the brim. Haley noted that they didn't have any doubles of music. "Because a bunch of boys do live here."

Brooke shrugged as she threw herself onto the bed. She closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh scent. Once she repositioned herself at the headboard, she looked around the room. It was obvious that Haley lived there now. Well, at least in the small room. She saw various knick-knacks of hers and a few picture frames were hung on the wall. She smiled at pictures of Mitchell. She turned her head to watch Haley sit at the foot of the bed. "Are you feeling better?"

Haley was feeling better. Nathan had made her feel more than welcomed. She didn't feel out of place even though she was living with four other boys. They all got along and she got to be with Nathan. She felt safe here. Sure, she missed Brooke constantly when the boys would play video games or talk about girls but she liked the change. "Yeah, I am."

Brooke smiled at her as she continued to look around the room. Brooke missed her. It was weird going from seeing Haley everyday to seeing her only occasionally. Living with Peyton was definitely a change of pace. The girl was always moving and their room was constantly filled with art supplies. Brooke didn't mind though. Her friendship with Peyton was getting restored and they were becoming better friends than they ever were. "So, what's new with you and Nathan?"

Haley wasn't sure why she was so surprised by the question but she was. She had no idea where she stood with Nathan. He knew she loved him and they would kiss whenever they left the apartment or just kiss for the heck of it. She always wanted to be around him and the fact that she was with him constantly made those feelings for him only increase. She saw him less than two hours ago at cheerleading practice but she already missed him. Since the basketball season was about to start, he was spending as much time at the gym as he could. "It's complicated." Was all Haley could muster as she looked at Brooke. "What about you and Julian?"

Brooke rolled her eyes as she looked at Haley before dramatically falling over onto the bed. She heard Haley chuckle softly and she smiled slightly as well. She opened her eyes and looked over at the blonde who had laid down as well. Brooke turned her head toward the ceiling. "He's been trying to talk to me but I usually just blow him off."

Haley kept her attention on the ceiling as well. "Why's that?"

Brooke could think of plenty of reasons why and she found herself telling them to Haley as they moved closer to another as they laid side by side. She felt betrayed, embarrassed and even a little bit crazy over the fact that he had sex with someone else. She guessed what really bothered here was that he said he had wanted to wait until he was married. What made Alex so much different than her? She loved Julian and she still did but now everything was complicated. She just wanted a break. Some time for herself. She knew was really by herself for long. She was constantly in relationships, official or not. She never really spent time by herself. Maybe that's what she needed.

"I think that's a good idea." Haley mumbled after a few minutes of hearing Brooke explain what she was feeling. She remained looking at the ceiling as she spoke. "Having some time by yourself isn't always a bad thing."

"Yeah, I just hate being alone." Brooke whispered softly as she thought about the past few months. Julian was the kind of guy she thought she would marry but now, she wasn't really sure what she thought. Beside the whole drama, he made her happy. He made her feel wanted and alive but now she wasn't exactly sure why. It seemed like their whole relationship lately was built on secrets.

Haley finally turned her head toward the side and looked at Brooke. "You're never alone and you won't ever have to worry about that."

Brooke turned her head and smiled softly. She didn't know what to say back so she just laid there for a few more minutes. She missed the stillness of just laying still. School was getting to that hectic time and there was only three weeks until Thanksgiving. She had no idea what she was doing for that either. "I can't believe it's only Monday."

Haley nodded her head as she turned her attention back toward the ceiling. She couldn't believe that she had only been living with Nathan for the past two and a half days. It felt like longer. Her thinking came to a stop when she heard the bedroom door open and watched as Nathan walked in. She sat up and in the corner of her eye watched as Brooke did the same thing.

"Hi boy-toy." Brooke spoke with a dimpled grin as she elbowed Haley in the side.

Nathan nodded at her with a grin as he looked at the two of them. He turned his attention toward Haley and felt his breath catch in his throat. Her hair was in a braid and it fell just below her breast. She hadn't worn her hair like that in such a long time. She was also wearing one of his UNC sweatshirts and a pair of skinny jeans. She looked stunning. He almost had to pinch himself whenever he woke up to her curled into his side. He shook his head and pointed toward the door. "I got pizza." He turned his attention toward Brooke. "I figured you'd be here so I got mushrooms on it." He wasn't sure how he remembered that Brooke liked that but he did. He knew that Haley missed having a girl around and when she told him that morning that she wanted to see her best friend, he assumed she would be home when he got done at the gym.

Brooke's eye lit up as she jumped off the bed and slapped Nathan on the butt. "You're officially my favorite." She turned toward Haley and offered her anything other than an apologetic grin. "Sorry, Hales." She quickly skipping out of the room.

Haley laughed for a moment before she turned to watch Nathan reach into the dresser drawers to pull out his own sweatshirt. His heart still looked slightly damp from showering at the gym. She watched him as he slipped it over his frame. He was so perfect. She didn't understand how he could look as if he wasn't real. His face was so perfect that it seemed symmetrical. His arms were getting bigger and bigger everyday but that didn't matter to her. Sure, he looked amazing on the outside but what really got to her was what was underneath it all. It had taken them so long to get to this point and it wasn't easy, it wasn't easy at all. However, she watched him grow and she felt all levels of his generous heart and kindness. It was almost staggering. When he turned toward her, she remained on the bed smiling at him.

Nathan smirked softly as he walked closer toward the bed. He stood before her and grinned down at her. "Hi."

Haley sat up so she was on her knees. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled. "Hi."

Nathan chuckled softly as he placed his hands onto her waist. He leaned down and kissed her softly and felt something erupt into him. He felt so much stillness around her that it was almost intoxicating. He didn't understand how one person could make him feel so many things. He pulled away from her and smirked when she frowned at the loss of contact. "How are you feeling?"

Haley replaced her frown with a soft smile. Nathan was being so protective of her. He sat next to her in Pop Culture and he walked her to all her other classes after that. She as surprised he had let her leave cheer practice with Brooke but he had. "I'm okay. How are you?" Her arms were still wrapped around him.

Nathan moved his hands from her waist and onto his shoulders overtop of hers. He kept them there and let out a soft yawn. "I'm okay. Tired, hungry."

Haley laughed at his short explanation. He sounded somewhat barbaric. "Then, let's feed you." She let her hands fall from around his neck and she jumped off the bed. She smacked his butt like Brooke had but instead of getting a quick escape, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her middle. "Nathan!" He had lifted her over his shoulder and proceeded to walk out of the bedroom.

Nathan smiled at her giggling as he carried her into the kitchen where Brooke was happily eating pizza alongside Chase. He set het down and smiled sheepishly at her.

Haley let out one last laugh as she grabbed a piece of pizza and made her way to the small wooden table in the middle of the kitchen. She laughed at the conversations between Chase and Brooke and she finally forgot about the past few days in general as she spent it with her friends. It felt so good to sit with them and just, talk. She loved everything about it. After they all finished the box of pizza, they remained sitting around the table talking about the day. Haley felt Nathan's arm on the back of her chair as he laughed along with her to Brooke's ridiculous stories of design class. Haley bit her lip once they fell into silence. "I think I'm going to find Ellie." She felt all their eyes on her. She had spoken about Ellie to all of them on separate occasions. All all knew the story but no so much how she felt about it. She wasn't even sure what she felt about it. She just wanted answers. She wanted to know if Ellie had anything to do with the envelope on her door the man that drove them off of the bridge.

Chase looked at Brooke and Nathan before turning his attention onto Haley. "Are you sure that's even a good idea? I mean you don't know anything about her."

Brooke nodded as she remained looking at Haley. "Skater-boy is right, Hales. She could be behind everything that is going on."

Haley let out a breath as she nodded. "I know that but she also couldn't. I just need some answers." No one spoke up. "I found her address and I want to go sometime this week."

"No." Nathan said quickly as he watched her turn to look at him. He didn't want anything to happen to Haley and he didn't like anything about this Ellie woman. He didn't like how she went behind Haley's back and he sure as hell did like that she abandoned Haley either.

"Nathan.." Haley turned to him and brought her hands into her lap. "I just..I need to know how I got here and why I'm here."

Nathan turned his head to Chase and Brooke who were nodding their heads. He turned back to her and let out a breath. "I don't want you to go alone."

"I was going to ask Brooke to go with me." Haley turned her head and watched as Brooke nodded her head in acceptance. She let out a small breath as she heard Nathan excuse himself from the table. She politely excused herself as she walked to their bedroom. _Their bedroom. _She shook her head as she walked in to see him standing in the middle of it. "Nathan?"

Nathan turned his head slightly at the sound of her voice be remained with his back toward her. He just wanted her to be okay. He didn't want her to get hurt again. Especially by someone who had already let her down. Then again, he knew what it felt like to let Haley James down. It was one of the worst feelings in the world that he hoped to never experience again. "I just want you to be okay." He whispered as he let out a breath because that's what he felt. He was being vulnerable and honest but most importantly, he was being like that to her.

Haley smiled softly as she walked and wrapped her hands around his waist as she leaned her face into his back. After a few minutes he turned and her face was pushed into his chest. She pulled away slightly and smiled at him. "I'll be okay."

Nathan thought back to the envelope on her door and the fright he felt. It was creeping back into him. "I just..I don't think this is a good idea."

"I know." Haley pushed her head back into his chest.

Nathan wrapped his arms around her and took a deep breath. "Will you call me once you get there?" He felt her nod against his chest. "Will you call me once you leave?" He felt her nod against his chest again. He chuckled as he brought a hand to her hair and felt the braid beneath his fingers. He let out a small breath and gave in. "Alright."

Haley pulled away and smiled at him. She leaned up and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. "Thank you." She watched as he nod softly. She gave him a serious expression. "Did you get mint chocolate chip ice-cream too?"

Nathan chuckled again as he nodded. He watched her face break into a small before she leaned up and kissed him on the mouth. She giggled as she broke away from him and headed toward the kitchen singing about ice-cream. He had it bad but he wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

Peyton laughed as she watched Jake concentrate on the basket as he tried to make four shots in a row. They were at a small arcade and after going to see a crappy movie, Jake decided to make it up to her and win her a stuffed animal. For being on the basketball team, he really sucked at free-throws. "You kinda suck at this."

Jake looked over at her and stuck out his tongue. "It's because you're making me nervous."

Peyton felt her cheeks redden as she looked down. She didn't know what was going on with her. She knew she still had feelings for Ted Davis, as much as she didn't want to admit it. He had pulled her aside when she went to the bathroom at the parent benefit dinner and he kissed her. After first, she let it happen and she hated that she did but then she pushed him away and wiped her mouth. She wanted him to get out of her head. She also wanted to tell Brooke about it but things had been going so well between them that she decided against it. Jake on the other hand, he was something. He made her nervous too but she didn't want to admit it. She turned her attention back toward the game and watched as he sank the ball into the net effortlessly in a row. Tickets started flowing out of the machine and she felt a laugh erupt from her throat.

Jake turned his head and smiled at her as he reached down and started pulling out the tickets. He turned to Peyton and felt a smile grace his face as she continued laughing. After a few second he gathered them up in his hands and pushed them softly in her direction. "Here."

"No, you earned this." Peyton was still giggling softly as she started folding up the tickets.

Jake shrugged as he looked over at her. She looked so beautiful. She was dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, a red sweater and a black leather jacket. Her hair was straightened though. She looked beautiful but he missed the curls. "Nah, let's see what we can get!" He grabbed her by the hand and quickly dragged her to the ticket booth.

Peyton felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked down at her hand connected to Jake's. It felt so, right. His hand was a little sweaty but so was hers. Once they got to the ticket booth, Jake let go of her hand and she missed the contact but continued to smile. She placed the tickets onto the counter and watched as the unamused boy started to count the tickets. She laughed again a few minutes later when the boy placed a small panda bear in front of her.

Jake rolled his eyes at his luck. "That was like five-hundred tickets!"

Peyton chuckled as she held the small panda between her hands. She heard Jake complaining more but she didn't really care about the size of it. No one wanted to really get something for her. Sure, her dad got her things she wanted but he didn't just get her something because he had wanted too. She held the small panda in her hands and smiled at him. "It's perfect."

Jake looked at her and smiled softly too. He nodded toward the exit and followed her out. He stuffed his hands into his jacket as he felt the cold air on his face. "I'm sorry tonight was kind of a bust."

Peyton quickly turned her head toward him. "It wasn't that at all."

Jake pointed at the small panda and frowned. "I wanted to win you the bigger one."

Peyton brought her lip between her teeth as she watched him kick at the ground as they walked. "I'm pretty sure Brooke wouldn't let one of those stay in our room."

Jake nodded, she did have a point. He dug deeper into his pockets. "How is that going?"

Peyton loved it. They were getting along more and more everyday and it was fun. Sure, she knew Brooke missed Haley but they were fixing their own friendship. "Good. How's Haley?"

"She's pretty good. She cleans the apartment like everyday."

Peyton laughed at his wide-eyed expression as he spoke like it was the most amazing thing. She did admit that the reasons for everyone's new living arrangements kind of sucked but she thought that maybe they were some sort of silver lining. She was about to ask him something else but he suddenly pulled on her arm and caused her to stop. She tilted her head as she looked at him in confusion but he quickly closed the gap between them and connected their lips together. Her eyes were open as she registered what was happening. After a few seconds she felt him pull away and she looked at him. She didn't know what she was feeling. She knew that she had feelings for Jake but she didn't want to rush into anything. "Jake.."

"I shouldn't have done that..screw that, I wanted too."

Peyton nodded her head as she played with the panda in her hands. She didn't want to hurt him. She just wanted to go slow and have them take their time but she knew he wouldn't understand. Boys didn't understand that. They took anything not how they wanted as rejection and she didn't want that. She wasn't rejecting him in the slightest. After the Halloween party at the Sigma Pi house, he had kissed her but they were both drunk. They weren't drunk now. This was a sober, kiss. This was a kiss that changed their relationship. She just didn't know if she was ready for that. "I just.." She didn't know what to say.

Jake stared at her for a moment before he nodded his head and looked anywhere but at her. "Right." He took a breath as he pointed in the opposite direction. "I'm gonna..go."

Peyton's eyes narrowed softly as she looked at him. "You don't have to go-."

"I kinda just wanna walk back by myself."

Peyton stared at him and found that she could only nod in response. She watched him nod back but he wasn't smiling. He turned around and walked away from her. She merely stood still clutching the panda as she watched him go.

* * *

Clay continued stirring the pasta sauce in the pot but he wasn't really paying attention. He was so scatter brained recently. He was drifted out of his thoughts as he heard his wife come into the kitchen singing. He turned to her and felt his breath catch in his throat. She was almost three in a half months pregnant and she looked so radiant. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a tight sweater that hugged her small baby bump. He was so in love with that bump. Whenever they laid in bed or sat on the couch, he found his hands on it. It was so strange to think about but at the same time, he couldn't wait. He was scared, sure but he was more excited than scared. He let out a breath as he smirked at her. "Hi baby."

Lindsey smiled as she continued singing at him. "_A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather, I was praying that you and me might end up together." _Lindsey wrapped her arms around him as she inhaled the pasta sauce. "Smells good." She reached up and kissed his cheek as she kept her hands wrapped around him. "How was your day?"

Clay dropped the spoon in his hand and placed his hands on top of hers. "Better. How was yours?"

Lindsey kissed his back as she pulled away from him and went into the fridge to get two bottles of water. She had gone shopping with Karen and her mother earlier that day but that was pretty much it. She was surprised when she walked in the door and realized her husband was home. It was only seven but he usually didn't come home until a little after nine. "Good. Why are you here so early?"

Clay shrugged. "I got a lot done today so Dan let me leave."

Lindsey wasn't going to complain there. She placed a water bottle in front of him as she opened one herself and took a drink. "Have you talked to Haley today?" After they learned about what had happened, they kept an even closer contact with Haley.

Clay nodded as he turned back toward the pasta sauce. He stirred it a few times before he turned toward her. "She's alright. I think she's going to try to find Ellie."

Lindsey's eyes widened at that. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Not really." Clay said honestly as he gave her a small smile. "I can't really change her mind."

Lindsey agreed with him there. His twin sister was one of the most stubborn girl's she had ever met. She let out a small yawn as she looked at Clay continue to stir the sauce. "How do you feel?"

Clay didn't really know. He was scared. He was scared for Haley and he was scared for his own family. He didn't want anything to happen to them and he certainly didn't want to sit around and wait for something to happen. He let out a shaky breath as he turned back toward Lindsey. "I'm scared." There was no point in hiding it from her.

Lindsey bit the inside of her cheek as she looked at him. "It's going to be okay."

"How can you be so sure? My dad..just.. I can't get lost again. Where I was two years ago-hell a year ago, was complete hell. I had nothing and I was so close to seeing the end of my life. I can't have that happen to me again. Not now.." He glanced at her stomach. "Not ever."

Lindsey stared at him as he spoke. Without a word, she reached for him and pulled herself into his embrace. She felt his hands wrap around her waist and she brought hers toward his neck. She breathed him in and sighed at the comfort. "Nothing will happen to you or us." She pulled away and looked at him with a serious expression. She reached for his hand and placed it over her stomach. "I won't let it."

Clay moved his hand over her hardened stomach and felt his breath catch in his throat. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love you." Lindsey said as his hand still remained on his stomach. "We're in this together."

"Yeah?"

Lindsey looked at him for a minute before she leaned up and kissed him softly. When she pulled away she kept her eyes closed. "You're mine and I'm yours. You've saved me so many times and I can't live without you."

Clay understood her here. He couldn't bare the thought of living without her. Last year, when he thought he would have too, he felt that darkness creep over him so quickly but now he felt stronger than that. With her by his side, he felt like the strongest man on the planet. "We're in this together."

"Bet your ass we are."

Clay smiled softly as her as he watched her. She was the one who saved him. He didn't feel like he saved her but when she spoke to him with such determination and such strength, he realized that they saved each other. If one fell, the other. When one grew, the other did too. This was love and it was more addicting than any drug he could ever take.

* * *

Haley hummed softly as she filed through the records that Tuesday afternoon. She was having a good day. She woke up next to Nathan and he even made her chocolate chip waffles for breakfast. She was shocked her actually let her go to work. They were practically attached at the hip but she found herself enjoying the familiarity of the small record store. She turned her head when the door chimed. A pretty blonde woman walked in and looked around the store. Haley dropped the records in her hands and made her way toward the front. "Can I help you?" The woman looked at her for a moment before nodding.

"I need to find Haley James, does she work here still?"

Haley bit the inside of her mouth. "I'm her." She watched as the blonde woman's face softened. "And you are?"

"Sarah Hargrove." She let out a small breath as she took in the girl before her. She folded her hands politely in front of her. "Is there somewhere we can talk privately?"

Haley's insides were beating fast. She had forgotten about Andy Hargrove for a moment there. Once she did, the embarrassment and the sadness of him standing her up at the parent benefit dinner hit her. She wasn't sure why she cared so much. Andy wasn't her father. She hated that she wished he was. "There's nowhere really private here. Sorry." She looked at the woman and she wondered how long she was married to Andy. They had two kids that looked no older than ten but that was it. She wondered what they did on their first date. She quickly shook her head at those thoughts.

"Oh, alright." She mumbled as she unclasped her hands and looked at the young girl. "I've been trying to make my way to everyone of Andy's patients. I'm sure it's not very professional that I am but I felt it was right."

Haley was confused but she remained silent.

She cleared her throat. "I know he was supposed to go to a parent benefit dinner with you on Friday." She watched as the young girl looked away. She cleared her throat again. "He was attacked last Friday and he's been in the hospital since."

Haley whipped her head toward the blonde across from her. She looked like she was almost to tears and Haley wondered if she looked the same. Something had happened to Andy? Her mind wandered toward the envelope on her door and she brought a hand to her mouth in horror. She quickly turned her back on the woman and squeezed her eyes shut. Of course he wouldn't have ditched her. He was attacked. Attacked. Her eyes popped open. "Do they know who it was?"

"No." She replied as she watched the girl's back. "They think it was a local guy or some junkie. Whoever it was took his wallet and left him pretty banged up." She took a breath. "He's finally awake though."

Haley was grateful for that. She didn't speak it aloud but she was. She couldn't live with herself if something had happened to Andy. Her anger toward him was quickly replaced with compassion. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She said quietly as she watched the girl turn back around. "He asked for you though and told me that I'd find you here."

Haley nodded as she looked at her.

"Do you want to go back to the hospital with me?"

Haley took a moment before she shook her head. "No." She looked down at the ground. "I'm glad he's okay."

She took a moment before she nodded. "The doctor's say he's very lucky. Are you sure you don't want to come with me?"

"No, it's okay." Haley answered as she looked up. She didn't want to risk him getting hurt again. Especially because of her. Sure, maybe in another life Andy would be her father and Sarah would be her mother. They looked like they were a beautiful, happy couple. Her heart ached for something like that. She was lost in thought but she heard the door chime and she watched as Nathan walked into the record store. She almost forgot about cheer practice. She turned her attention back toward the blonde and let out a breath. "I have to go. I'm glad he's okay." She looked at her for another moment before walking past her and toward the counter to grab her things. She quickly rushed to Nathan's side and was happy when he walked them out without saying much. The cold November air hit her skin but she didn't feel it. She glanced down when she felt Nathan take her hand.

"Who was that?"

Haley shook her head as she squeezed his hand. "I'm not sure." She finally halted as she took a breath. "Can you take me somewhere actually?"

* * *

Brooke wanted to punch something. Here she was at cheer practice without Peyton or Haley. She tried calling them but it was no use. Part of her wanted to skip practice entirely or quit the team. She listened as Alex blabbed on about the first game in two weeks. She rather stab herself repeatedly than listen to her. She turned her attention toward the other side of the gym and connected her eyes to Julian's. She looked away.

After forty-five minutes of lecture from Alex, they did a few new cheers and went over their half-time dance. Brooke was never more grateful for when it was four-thirty. She just wanted to go back to her room and sleep. She let out a breath as she went to the sidelines and started to put together her things. Without glancing or talking to anyone, she made her way out of the gym. She just wanted to fast-forward her life to a place where she wasn't stuck in some sort of rut. Whenever her life was going good, karma decided to kick her down. She was sick of everything going wrong and she was tired of feeling this way.

She pulled out her iPhone and tried Haley again. She only reached her voicemail. "Of course you won't answer." She stuffed her phone back into her pocket.

"Talking to yourself now?"

She spun around and came face to face with Lucas. She smiled softly as she thought of their conversation at the tavern. He was a few feet before her in a black peacoat. He had a suitcase in his hand and a smile. She found herself smiling slightly too. "Following me now?"

Lucas chuckled as he shook his head. "I guess it looks that way."

She nodded and crossed her arms over in her own peacoat. "How are you doing?"

Lucas shrugged as he walked closer toward her. She wasn't wearing any make-up and she had a small smile on her face. It was weird how much history they had together and it had only been the span of a year ago. "Alright. It's getting pretty hectic because of the holiday's."

"Tell me about it." Brooke didn't even want to think about school. She just wanted this semester to be over. It was literally hell on earth to deal with. "I'm sure it's worse for you."

"Eh, maybe." Lucas replied softly as he remained smiling at her. "Mostly grading and students asking me to read thesis's." He smiled when she made a face. "Do you want to get something to eat with me?"

Brooke was a bit shocked by the question. She looked down at her appearance and gave him a weary look. "I'm not really dressed for it."

Lucas felt his heart leap in his chest as she stared at her. "Either am I."

Brooke took in his appearance for the second time. His hair was shorter than it was last year and his face was smooth. She brought her lip between her teeth as she let out a small sigh. She knew she shouldn't. She knew that she should just go back to her room, watch Netflix and curl into bed but part of her wanted to go with him. Not to get back at Julian or get with him but because she did find herself missing him slightly.

Yes, their relationship was built on lies at first. She had created a stupid online profile lying about her age but beside that, they had a good time together. She often found herself mesmerized as he spoke about books or in a trance from him laugh. She never loved him though. She knew that once she knew she loved Julian. She still did love Julian. She hated that she worried if he would be upset about her getting a platonic dinner with someone she considered a friend despite their history. Her brain was in overload and her heart was beating a million miles a minute. She looked at him and swallowed. "Alright."

"Alright?"

Brooke nodded as she watched him smile. They walked side by side downtown as they talked about books. Most of the ones he spoke about, Brooke never heard of but it was nice listening to him talk so passionately about them. They had decided on a small Chinese restaurant that was hidden between two clubs. Brooke was surprised that she found herself having such a great time but she realized that maybe she deserved to feel this way. She was having a great time and she was grateful she was spending that time with Lucas.

"..so then I broke my arm in five places."

Brooke laughed softly as she finished her last piece of sweet and sour chicken as she looked at him. She was having a great time. "I've never broken a bone."

Lucas quickly knocked on the wooden table. "It's not fun."

"I imagine." Brooke mumbled with a smile as she looked around the restaurant. Once she turned her attention back to Lucas she found that he was already staring at her. She smiled sheepishly as she looked down at the table. She let out a breath and was grateful that their waiter brought over the check. Even though she protested, Lucas had paid for their meal. Once it was paid for, they found themselves back on the sidewalk. It was colder and Brooke crossed her arms tighter around herself. She stood before him and smiled. "Thanks for dinner. I hope we can do this again." She gestured in the way of campus and offered him a small wave. As she started to turn around, she felt a pull on her arm. "Wh-." She was cut off when Lucas's lips landed on hers.

* * *

"Do you want me to go inside with you?"

Haley took a deep breath as she glanced at the house. It wasn't anything extravagant but it was decent. Haley wondered what it would have been like to grow up in a house like that. She looked at the sloping roof and the red door. She closed her eyes as she turned back toward Nathan. "I don't think I can go. Not today."

Nathan nodded and he smiled over at her softly. "That's alright."

"No." Haley took a deep breath as she looked down at her lap. "You drove all the way here and I can't even get out of the car."

Nathan reached a hand over and placed it on her thigh. "I would do anything for you." He took a moment before speaking again. "You know that, right?"

Haley nodded her head as she looked at him. "I know." She let out a breath and scrunched up her face. "Do you care driving me somewhere else?" She watched him nod and she leaned over and kissed his cheek. They drove in silence but he kept his hand on her thigh. After another forty-five minutes, they found themselves in the parking lot of Chapel Hill Hospital. Haley brought his hand up from her lap and kissed it a few times. "There's just something I have to do."

Nathan smiled at her and nodded. "I'll be here."

Haley kissed his hand once more before she made her way out of the car and into the hospital. She was taken back to when she was here last spring. It filled her with so much fear of the unknown. She made her way toward the front desk and asked politely for the room number of Andy Hargrove. It took awhile but once she learned he was on the third floor, she took of running. She didn't bother with the elevator and headed straight for the stairs. Once she pushed the door open she took a deep breath but continued at a fast pace as she walked down the hallways and twisted and turned with the hallways. Driving to Ellie's house made her realize what she wanted and what she didn't want. She wanted to apologize to Andy and she wanted to know he was okay. She wanted to see that he was okay. She wanted him to tell her some stupid quote.

She sucked in a breath as she made her way toward room three hundred and fifty-four. She sucked in a deep breath and pushed her way into the room and saw sleeping in his bed. The beeping of the monitors caused her heart to jump out of her chest. Didn't his wife say he was awake? He didn't look very awake. She made her way more into the room. "I'm so sorry." She was about to reach for his hand when she heard the door open. She quickly turned her head and watched as a brunette woman made her way into the room.

"I'm sorry but who are you?"

Haley realized she probably looked like an idiot. "I'm Haley." She glanced back at Andy's lifeless body and shook her head. "Andy's wife asked me to come and-."

"Andy's wife?" The woman took a breath. "I'm Andy's wife, Sarah."

Haley shook her head as if she had misheard the woman. "No, Sarah is blonde."

Sarah Hargrove narrowed her eyes softly as she looked over at the girl. "I'm sorry but I think you were mistaken."

Haley brought he lip between her teeth as she glanced back at Andy and saw a few pictures by his bedside. The woman in front of her was in most of the pictures with a few pictures of the children she had seen in Andy's office before. If this was Sarah than who was in the record store claiming to be her earlier? She swallowed hard and felt her vision get hazy.

Sarah looked at the girl with concern. "Are you alright?"

Haley could barely see straight. She felt her chest get heavy and she felt her vision get hazy until the only think she could see was darkness.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen - Home by _Foo Fighters_

**People I've loved, I have no regrets.**  
**Some I remember, some I forget.**  
**Some of them living, some of them dead.**  
**All I want is to be home.**

Haley opened her eyes slowly as someone continued to stroke her face carefully. She blinked hard as the bright fluorescent lights came into view. It was so bright that she couldn't fathom a thought. She heard someone speak her name softly and she tried to get the brightness out of her eyes. She blinked her eyes more as she came face to face with a soft round face.

"Are you okay? You fell pretty hard." Sarah mumbled softly as she pulled her hand away from Haley's face and into her own lap.

Haley still couldn't form words as she nodded her head. She slowly sat up but the lack of forming words continued as she looked up to see Andy sitting up in his bed, awake. She quickly scrambled up to her feet and swayed a bit. "Hi."

Andy smiled softly as he looked at the small girl. His bones ached under his skin and it felt hard to breathe. "Sorry I missed our dinner."

Haley shook her head at the statement as she turned her head to see Sarah giving her a curious glance. Haley swallowed as she made her way toward the side of his bed. She didn't know what she was feeling and she really didn't know how she should be feeling. Her thoughts were in some sort of vertigo. She was trying to process everything but it was too much for her to handle. She wanted to cry but instead she brought her lip between her teeth and bit until she tasted the metallic blood on her tongue. She mumbled that she was glad he was okay before she ran out of the room. Her thoughts were jagged and her breathing was coming out in harsh whirls. She needed to sit down. She needed Nathan. She took the stairs slower than she did before but she still felt like she was moving in fast-forward. She took a deep breath as she pushed open the door toward the stairway. Her thoughts cleared and her breathing stopped as she saw Nathan sitting patiently in the waiting room. Well, somewhat patiently. His leg was bouncing up and down and his head was in his hands. She walked toward him and cleared her throat to gain his attention.

Nathan glanced up and smiled softly. "I got worried after awhile so.." He gestured toward the full waiting room. She only nodded in response and he narrowed his eyebrows at her. "Is everything okay?"

Haley nodded at him again as she watched him stand up. She quickly reached for his hand and wasn't sure why she did. The comfort of his hand was bringing her back. She gripped it tighter. "Can we go home?" She didn't want to tell him about what happened in the record store and what happened only a few minutes ago. He was already worried enough and he had basketball to think about. That's what she wanted him to focus on.

Nathan couldn't help but smile when she spoke the word home. He nodded his head and he guided them through the waiting room and toward his SUV. "What were you doing in there?"

"What?"

Nathan lead her toward the passenger side and opened the door for her. "Why did you need to come here?"

Haley slid into her seat but instead of Nathan going over to his side of the car, he remained in the doorway in front of her. She bit her lip as she looked up at him. She hadn't told him about her therapy really, well not much about it. She hadn't told him that she invited Andy to the parent benefit dinner. She hadn't really mentioned it at all. He would worry. She didn't want him to worry. "I was-." She bit her lip as she down at her lap for a second as she shook her head. "I was thinking of interning or something. So I went to ask how to apply."

"Where's your application?"

Haley thought quickly on her feet. "You apply online I guess. Sorry I waisted another trip." She lied so calmly that it scared her but he only smiled at her as he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"It's alright. I like spending time with you."

Haley smiled genuinely at that. She felt the same way. "Me too but we can't miss anymore practice." She chuckled softly at the end as she watched him nod quickly. He smiled at her once more as he shut the door and made his way to the other side of the car. Haley took a deep breath and pressed her head against the window as glanced at the hospital before closing her eyes. Why was all of this happening and why was it happening to her? She just wanted to have a simple, normal life but she knew she never would. She was grateful when Nathan didn't question her anything more in the car. She just wanted to sit with him in silence. When he was around, everything was better and nothing hurt. Once they reached the apartment, it took everything in Haley not to run upstairs and lock the door quickly behind her. Instead, she walked patiently alongside Nathan as they climbed the steps and made their way toward the apartment. Much to her surprise, she saw Brooke sitting in front of the door. She tilted her head as she walked closer. "Brooke?"

Brooke quickly looked up and let out a breath. "Thank God you're here." She mumbled as she stood up and quickly gestured toward the door. "I need to talk to you."

Haley swallowed as she looked at the brunette as Nathan made work of unlocking the door. "Is something wrong?" She made her way inside with Brooke quickly behind.

"I just need to talk to you." Brooke mumbled quieter as she looked at Nathan. "In private."

Haley turned toward Nathan and smiled shyly. He nodded his head and made his way toward their bedroom. Haley gestured for Brooke to sit but the girl remained standing. "I have to talk to you too."

Brooke shook her head. "You might want to sit for this. I need a drink for this." Brooke exclaimed as she brought her hand toward her forehead and began pacing the living room. "Of course this would happen to me. My life is the life of utter bullshit!" She continued to pace and murmur words toward herself.

Haley let out a breath as she tried to wrap her head around anything. "Did something happen?"

Brooke shook her head and glanced at Haley. "You first."

Haley bit her lip as she glanced at her bedroom door which was partially open. She bit harder into her lip as she grabbed Brooke's hand and dragged her toward the bathroom. Once they stood inside the small space, Haley turned on the water and locked the door. "Okay-."

"Do I smell or something?" Brooke glanced at Haley but was answered with a glare. "Okay, continue."

Haley whispered softer. "You know how I was seeing Andy? For therapy?" She watched Brooke nod her head intently. "I asked him to come to the parent benefit thing but he never showed up. So, I just thought-." She paused as she shook her head. "I don't know what I thought but it ends up that he was beaten so bad that he's in the hospital."

Brooke gasped. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah." Haley mumbled as she looked at Brooke with doubt. "There's more."

Brooke tilted her head as she stared back at Haley with concern. "What do you mean?"

Haley exhaled as she thought about the moment over and over in her head. She didn't know if she should mention it to anyone at all but she felt that she needed to tell Brooke. She took a deep breath as she told the brunette the story about the record store and then going to the hospital to see Andy and another woman who was actually his wife. The words seemed unreal as she spoke them but she still didn't understand them.

"Haley.." Brooke whispered back as she folded her arms over her chest. "You should tell the police about the woman and about the envelope."

"And what are they going to do!"

"I don't know! Police things!" Brooke whispered loudly back as she looked at the small girl who was obviously still shaken up about the fact. "Did you tell Nathan?"

Haley gestured toward the closed spaced bathroom. "No."

Brooke let out a breath as she began to move around the small bathroom. "Haley, you need to tell him."

"So he'll freak out more? Brooke he barely lets me leave unattended."

"Serves him right!" Brooke shook her head as she came to a halt. "Either you tell him or I will. This secret thing that you do never works out well."

Haley narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean, '_this secret thing_'?"

Brooke shrugged as she looked at Haley. "I just don't want anything to happen to you, Haley. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to Nathan or me. We're here and we're trying to help but you never let us in. At least not all the way."

Haley shook her head as she brought her hands up to her forehead. "I just can't tell him today. It's been a long emotional day and I can't." She let out a breath as she looked over at Brooke. "What did you have to tell me?"

Brooke remembered the reason she even came over in the first place. "I saw Lucas today and he kissed me."

"WHAT?"

Brooke hushed the blonde as they remained standing in the bathroom.

"Sorry." Haley whispered as she looked at the brunette. "What does it mean?"

Brooke looked at Haley hard for a moment before she spoke again. "I don't know what anything means anymore." She let out a breath as she brought a hand over her face. "I wish things were easy and simple and I could be a normal nineteen year old."

Haley was a loss for words. She really had no idea what to say. She wanted a normal life and she more than wanted Brooke to have one because Brooke deserved it. Brooke deserved to have something good in her life. She wanted to tell those things to Brooke but she remained silent and the heavy knock on the door cleared her thoughts.

"Yo, HJ I need to shower."

Haley sighed as she reached to turn off the sink. She offered Brooke a shy smile as she opened the door and walked out with Brooke closely behind. She heard Quentin whistle at the fact that they were in the bathroom together but it didn't amuse her. She was in no right mind to be amused.

Brooke ran a tired hand through her hair as she made her way back into the living room. She noticed that Nathan was looking into the fridge. She turned back to Haley and saw that she was staring at the boy as well. Brooke couldn't tell Nathan something Haley wasn't ready to tell. She wasn't going to betray their friendship again but she was worried about her. She didn't want anything to happen to Haley and the fact that someone seemed to be going out of their way to do so, terrified her. She waited until Haley's attention was back toward her before she spoke. "I'm gonna go home. I'll call you tomorrow."

Haley nodded as she watched Brooke mutter a goodbye toward Nathan before disappearing behind the door. She let out a breath as she turned to see Nathan staring at her. "Hi."

"Is everything okay?" Nathan questioned softly as he closed the fridge while remaining to look at Haley. He watched her fight over something in her brain. "Hales?"

Haley forced a small smile. "Everything's fine."

* * *

"Can you hold still for like two minutes." Peyton mumbled as she narrowed her eyes at Nathan before returning them toward the canvas before her. She brought the paintbrush across the white board with a delicate ease as she kept her eyes on the boy before her. He moved slightly to the right. "Nathan!"

Nathan smiled sheepishly as he mumbled an apology. He watched as she narrowed her eyes again before focusing on the paint palette in her hands. He didn't know why he even bothered agreeing to this. He hated sitting still but he knew Peyton needed his help. He sighed.

Peyton looked over the canvas at him as he stared absently into space. He had barely spoken in the past hour but he sure seemed to move all over the place. She gently dripped the paint brush into the dark black paint but kept her gaze on him. "Is something bothering you?" She watched his eyes move quickly as he remained still. She chuckled as she dropped the paint palette. "You can move."

Nathan chuckled softly as he turned on the stool so he could face her fully. He wasn't really sure what was bothering him. A handful of things seemed to be eating him away and he couldn't put his finger on just one. A handful of things were eating away at him. The past few days seemed to breeze right by. He mostly focused on basketball and he mostly focused on Haley but she seemed to be in her own little world, too. It was hard to take out his frustrations on their lack of communication since they shared a bed. She would make sure to stay up as late as she could in the living room studying as he went to bed. Sleep wouldn't find him when he laid there alone. It wasn't until the mere hours of morning that he fell asleep when she placed herself into the bed too. He was surprised when she kissed him before he left for Peyton's a few hours earlier but he wasn't going to complain. He just wanted to know what was wrong but knowing her, he wouldn't know for awhile. "Everything."

"Ah, always so insightful." Peyton mocked softly as she came around the canvas to stand before him. She wiped some paint onto her jeans before she looked at him fully. "Really, what's going on?"

Nathan let out a sigh as he shrugged. "Haley isn't really talking to me. I've been playing like crap lately and-" He took a breath as he closed his eyes. He opened them and looked at her as he spoke in a soft whisper. "The anniversary of my sister's death is next week."

Peyton knew his sister had died a few years ago but she never knew when. She could tell it was a sensitive subject so she didn't press further. "What's going on with Haley?"

What wasn't going on with Haley? She was always all over the place, well at least in her mind she was. It confused Nathan and it made him so insecure and he hated it. He hated feeling this way. He felt weak and he felt low. He never was like this until he met her. He was never that guy who stayed up worrying about some girl. He wasn't vulnerable. He wasn't anything remotely close to who he was now. He wasn't sure if he liked that fact or not. He hated feeling this way but he liked that he wasn't that asshole guy anymore. He focused back on Peyton and let out a breath. "Something's just going on with her but she won't talk to me about it."

Peyton brought her lips together and sighed. "Well, I'm sure she's still pretty shaken up about everything."

"Yeah, I guess." Nathan mumbled as he looked down toward the ground. He looked up at Peyton and gave her a weary look.

"What?"

"Care for a drink, Sawyer?"

Peyton chuckled at his fake southern accent as she found herself nodding as she reached for her jacket. She too, needed a break. School was getting out of hand and Jake was ignoring her calls. They quickly made their way out of her dorm building and walked alongside another as they headed downtown. The air was crisp and cool but Peyton didn't mind. She was used to it from the cold city air she had grown accustomed too. They walked into a crappy bar that Nathan claimed didn't card. She happily ordered an Angry Orchard and watched as Nathan ordered Bourbon.

Nathan played with the glass in his hands as he looked over at Peyton. "I sometimes wonder what she'd be like."

"What do you mean?" Peyton asked softly as she tried to hear him over the music. She scooted closer on her stool.

Nathan shrugged as he circled the drink with his finger. "She would be eighteen. A freshmen in college. I wonder where she would go. What she would study. If she would have a boyfriend." Nathan took a breath as he brought the glass toward his lips. The stingy feeling of the Bourdon burned as it went down his throat. "She was so.. smart. So kind and warm hearted. I don't know where she got it from. Probably my mom."

Peyton remained silent as she stared as the bar. She didn't know what to add or even say. This boy, well this man, was still struggling with a death that had happened years ago. She wasn't really one to talk. She knew the feeling of that sort of loss. She knew the ache that filled up your heart. She knew the weight that never seemed to go away. She didn't know what to say to him because there wasn't a word to define it or describe. It was simply there and it was simply who they were.

Nathan motioned for a refill as he turned toward the blonde. "I'm sorry if I'm being.."

"Human?" Peyton offered with a small smile as she glanced at him. "There's nothing to apologize for."

Nathan nodded as he kept his gaze on the bar. "I never was like this until last year."

Peyton tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"Vulnerable. I never let myself get like this and then I met Haley and well.." He gestured toward himself and let out a sigh as he took another drink.

Peyton traced the lips of her bottle as she looked at him. "I think that's what love is."

Love. The four letter word drove Nathan crazy. Mostly because he couldn't find it in himself to tell the word back to Haley. She only told him she loved him once before but it was enough to set his heart into a frenzy. There were plenty of times he wanted to tell her. Laying next to her or watching her study seemed to bring the words to the tip of his tongue but the thought of muttering them caused his throat to close and his hands to shake. He didn't want to admit he loved her because whenever he loved something, something went wrong. He loved his sister and she died. He loved his mother and she fell into depression. He loved his best friend and she got cancer. Everything that had a trace of his love or affection seemed cursed. He didn't want that for Haley. He didn't want that for them. He was never in love before either. The thought was enough to terrify him.

Peyton let out a sigh as she watched Nathan grow absorbed into his own world again. She didn't really know what to do. She wanted to be there for him but she couldn't when he wouldn't let her in. Not that she had the best track record for that. She sucked at letting people in. People always leave. That was her saying and she would always stick to it. She loved a man that would never love her more than he loved himself but she also liked a boy who was perfect for her. A boy who made her find meaning in music again. A boy who would put her together again. A boy who was ignoring her. She brought the bottle toward her lips and drank the last drop of it. She signaled for another one. She turned her head toward Nathan as she held her new bottle between her hands. "If you could wish for anything what would it be?"

"Ah, risky." Nathan mumbled as he turned toward her slightly. He pushed the glass across the bar between his two hands as he thought about it. "I wish no one ever hurt Haley."

Peyton raised her eyebrows at that softly. "Being a martyr?"

Nathan scoffed slightly as he shook his head. "No, not that." He held the glass between his hands. "She's a good person. I don't think I could survive if something happened to her. The thought of her being hurt, scared or anything makes me so angry and I can't contain it."

Peyton's hearted fluttered as she heard Nathan speak so softly about the girl he clearly loved. She wondered if anyone would ever feel that way about her. "You really care about her."

"Yeah." Nathan mumbled as he looked at her and took a breath. "I should probably walk you back and head home."

Peyton nodded as she watched Nathan throw enough money for their drinks onto the bar before she could even reach into her wallet. They walked in silence and she felt the buzz feeling of alcohol swarm around her bones. Once they reached her building, she turned to him with a soft smile. "Hang in there, okay?"

Nathan tried to smile as he nodded at her. He watched her walk into the dorm building and he waited a few seconds before he started to walked away. His thoughts were jumbled but it wasn't because of the alcohol, he barely felt that in his system. He headed toward his apartment but once he got there, he stood outside and stared at it. He took a deep breath as he headed up the stairs toward the girl he loved and he told himself that someday, he would tell her just that.

* * *

Haley let out a soft laugh for what seemed like the first time in days as she watched her brother and Lindsey bicker in their kitchen. They had picked her up earlier from cheer practice and she was grateful for it. Cheer practice had became the most stressful, anxiety-filled thing in her life. Brooke would mock Alex and Alex would just take it. She kind of felt bad for the girl but she didn't really focus on it. Nathan debated on joining them but he went to the gym instead. Not that Haley felt upset about the lack of him. She knew he was worrying more about her than basketball and that fact seemed to frustrate him. She bit the inside of her mouth as she glanced at Lindsey's small protruding stomach. It was so visible now. It was scary yet exciting. She worried about her and she worried about her brother.

"I'm sorry and you know I love you but I don't think building a crib from scratch is the safest bet. Don't you want your child to be safe?" Lindsey answered with a soft chuckle as she watched her husband finally give in. She smirked as she glanced at Haley. "This baby is coming in so handy."

Haley chuckled as she watched her brother shake his head even though he smiled as well. She glanced down at the table and thought of the next words she wanted to muster up. She cleared her throat as she looked at the back of her brother's head. "Hey, Clay."

Clay turned from the kitchen sink as he looked at Haley was a questionable glance. "What's up?"

Haley picked around her fingernails as she watched Clay shake his hands of water before turning to face her as he leaned against the counter. "I think we should go see Ellie. Together."

Clay's face hardened. "I don't know."

"I know that you're upset and I am too but with everything recently, I think we need some answers"

Clay knew that was true. Someone was harassing his sister and as of lately, he had no idea where their father was. That was scary enough. This stranger was his mother and that terrified him. She gave birth to him and she just gave him away. However, looking at his sister and seeing her face made him realize that no matter what he felt for the woman, he needed to do this for her. He needed to push aside his feelings and take in the account of his sister. He needed her to be safe. He needed his family to be safe. "Alright. When?"

Haley gulped as she turned her eyes toward Lindsey before drifting them back toward Clay. "Today."

"Today? Haley.. I don't know." Clay felt his hands shake slightly at the idea. He turned toward Lindsey. "What do you think?"

Lindsey's eyes widened as she felt two pairs of eyes on her. She brought her hands onto her forming stomach and sighed as she glanced at Clay. "I think you should." She offered him a small smile as she dropped her hands and walked toward him. She wrapped her hands around his waist and was grateful when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Only if you're comfortable."

Clay glanced at Lindsey and down at her stomach before he turned toward his sister who was glancing at the table. He nodded his head and he reached to press a kiss to Lindsey's forehead. "We'll be back soon."

Haley's head shot up as she watched Clay reached for his leather jacket. She stood up as she reached for her jean jacket. She let out a small breath as she muttered a goodbye to Lindsey and followed Clay toward his pick-up truck. He sat still in the drivers seat. "I have her address." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a waded piece of paper.

Clay nodded as he took the piece of paper with shaky hands. He was so nervous. He scanned the address and nodded as he reached to plug the key into the ignition. Before he could, Haley's hand gripped his arm.

"We don't have to go if you don't want too."

Clay took a moment before answering. "I want to go."

Haley nodded her head as she sat back in her seat and felt the car come alive underneath her. The drive lasted almost forty-five minutes and by the time they reached the house, the sun was almost setting. Haley took in the familiar house and stared at the bright red door. This time, her hand gripped the handle and she felt the cold air come across her face as she stepped onto the pavement. A moment later, she felt Clay stand beside her. Just like when they were little kids, they joined hands and squeezed tightly before letting go and heading toward the house. Haley wasn't sure who was more nervous but it seemed like their bodies were both shaking. She let out a breath as she walked onto the small porch and took in the red door. It was cracked in the middle but it still looked elegant. She turned her head and watched as Clay stared wide-eyed at the house. She took a deep breath as she reached out and touched the large brass door knocker. She traced it with her fingers before she lifted it up and hit it hard across the door. She took a deep breath as she stepped back. She could hear someone mutter that they would be there in a second but she could barely hear anything as her hearing went out and all she could hear was her blood through her veins.

Clay clutched the sleeves of his jacket as he stared at the door. It was like coming face to face with your biggest fear or maybe come face to face with something you've always wanted. He wasn't sure which was worse. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears and he remembered all the occurrences when he wished his life was different. This was that. This was change and change terrified him. He thought of his unborn child and he thought about how much he already loved it. He couldn't bare the thought of giving his child up. He was taken out of his thoughts as the red door quickly swung open and the familiar face came into view. The smile on the older woman's face faded as she took in the scene before her. Clay turned his head and watched as Haley stared forward. He cleared his throat. "Can we come in?"

Ellie Harp nodded her head quickly as she took in the sight before her. She stood to the side as she watched her children walk through the small threshold. She sucked in a breath as she watched them look around the house as they stood before the door. "What are you doing here?"

Clay noticed that Haley wasn't going to speak. She seemed to be in a sort of trance as she looked at the photo covered walls. He swallowed as he shut the door fully behind him. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he looked around somewhat helplessly. "I-we-I-."

Haley snapped her head to the face that resembled hers. Ellie's hair was longer than it had been before. Her face had lines of laughter and her nose had a splash of freckles like hers did. "We needed some answers, i guess."

Ellie nodded her head as she gestured toward the living room. She walked in first and took a seat on a old looking chair as she gestured for Haley and Clay to sit on the love-seat across from her.

Haley took her seat and felt Clay sit alongside her. She couldn't help but let her eyes wander around the room. There were records everywhere that the eye could see and posters hung on any blank space that there was. It looked so homey for being so clustered. Haley's eyes then landed on a picture that was framed next to her. It was of a younger looking Ellie and she was holding two babies. Haley wasn't sure why the image brought tears toward her eyes.

Ellie followed Haley's gaze and smiled softly. "It's the only picture I have with you both." She cleared her throat. "What questions do you have?"

Haley looked at Clay who seemed to be mesmerized by the photograph. Haley felt the same way herself. In the photo, Ellie was holding them with such love and admiration that it was evident. It was hard to look at but harder to looked away from. "I- we, just want to know everything."

"Everything." Ellie repeated as she drew out a long breath. "Okay." Ellie spoke of her own family. How her parents died when she was young and when she was around twenty, she met their father. She talked about how he got her into all sorts of things. Drugs, drinking and all sorts of things she hated to admit. She told them the first night their father hit her and she told them the last time he did. She spoke about how when she got pregnant, she stayed clean. She felt so much pride at the end of her pregnancy but once she gave birth, they were taken away from her. Jimmy considered her unworthy of them and he took them away and out of fear, she had stayed away. She told them how she found them when they were around ten but she kept her distance. She spoke of her fright for them and the fright for herself. She didn't know how many times she apologized but she had. Once she was done speaking, she watched them sit still before her.

Haley should have known that the reason Ellie hid was out of fear. Once Lydia finally got away from her father, they ran and hid. Her father was a monster in every sense of the word.

Clay cleared his throat and finally spoke. "You said that you gave us up because you liked drugs more than us." His voice shook with emotion and he watched the sad look come across her face.

"Not at the time but after your father took you away, I fell again. I started using to take away the pain but here I am." Ellie tried to smile but she knew it wasn't that successful. "Did that answer all of your questions?"

Haley bit her lip as she reached into her coat pocket and pulled out the crumbled up envelope. She shakily handed it over and watched as Ellie studied it as she pulled out the familiar photograph that haunted her dreams. "Someone left this for me and I don't know who it was."

Ellie brought a hand to cover her mouth as she looked at the photo and the angry writing across it. "Where?"

"It was on her old dorm door." Clay answered as he sat up. "She isn't living there anymore." He watched as Ellie nodded even though she stared at the photo. "Do you know who would have done this?"

Ellie took a deep breath as she folded the photo and placed it back into the envelope. "With your father's history, it could be anyone. It could even be him. You shouldn't even been in this state right now. Either of you." Haley and Clay exchanged a look. "What is it?"

Clay cleared his throat. "My wife is pregnant."

Ellie's eyes widened as she looked at him. "She..she is?"

Clay couldn't help but smile as he nodded to confirm it. "I can't take her away from her mother and she's been...sick. I can't move her around and Haley-."

"I can't leave." Haley answered as she looked at the woman hard. She swallowed hard as she pressed her hands against the fabric beneath her. "I'm not going to run away from him anymore."

"Haley.." Ellie said softly as she looked at the girl before her so tenderly. "Jimmy James is the kind of man who could kill his own children in cold blood and not feel bad about it."

Haley swallowed as she closed her eyes. She thought of all the times she would cry after her father would hurt her. She thought of the scars on her skin and she thought about the track marks that would forever be in her brother's arms. She opened her eyes as she spoke softly. "He's already killed me." She looked at Clay as she spoke again. "When he comes, I'm going to be ready. When he comes, I'm not letting him hurt me. Not again, not ever."

Ellie closed her eyes as she thought about the man she once loved hurting her children. Hurting the two things she loved. She sucked in a breath as she glanced at them. "I'm sorry he hurt you." She chocked on the last word and stood up so they wouldn't see her cry. She made her way toward the window and looked out. Her life and her regrets seemed to flash before her eyes as she cried. However, when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder she turned and was surprised to see Clay standing before her with Haley a few feet behind.

Clay cleared his throat. "I'm sorry he hurt you more."

Ellie cried openly in front of them but instead of standing alone, she felt a warm arm come behind her and before she knew it, she was hugging her children for the first time.

* * *

Brooke rubbed a tired hand over her face as she woke up on the couch in her living room. She blinked open her eyes as she turned to see Peyton painting in the corner. She yawned and glanced at the clock under the TV. It was already noon which meant she missed her classes already. She didn't really care. Her lack of focus wasn't going to help her in any department of classes anyway. She was all caught up in her classes and she honestly didn't understand why she needed to attend lectures to have teachers simply read off of computer slides. She could do that at home.

"Well, hey sleepy."

Brooke pouted softly as she remained laying on the couch. "I overslept."

Peyton nodded as she dropped her paint brush. "I tried to wake you but you kind freaked out on me in your sleep and I decided never to do it again."

Brooke smirked softly as she recalled Haley telling her similar stories last year. She wasn't really sure where her head was. She was confused and she felt she in the similar position she was last year. She kept having dreams where she was in the middle of Lucas and Julian and they would keep asking her to pick one. She couldn't even seem to mutter words in her dream so she didn't know how she would manage to speak to either of them as she was fully awake. She successfully ignored both of them for the past few days and she was grateful for that. She couldn't handle the anxiety of it. "I can't believe our first basketball game is today."

"Tell me about it." Peyton mumbled as she stood up and made her way toward the fridge. "I don't feel like cheering for anything."

Brooke sat up and turned her head. "Would this happen to be about a certain basketball player?"

Peyton rolled her eyes as she pulled out a water bottle. "He's hasn't talked to me. I don't understand what I did. I wanted him to kiss me but I just wasn't ready at that exact moment and since I didn't gush at his feet or something, he decides not to talk to me."

Brooke bit the inside of her mouth as she thought about her own situation. Lucas had kissed her and she ran away like a child after the fact. She didn't know how she felt and she was in someway still with Julian. It was all so confusing and instead of last year, she was more invested in her relationship with Julian. She loved him but now she was confused. Now her head wouldn't shut off. "Boys suck."

"Tell me about it." Peyton let out an agitated grumbled as she walked over and plopped herself at Brooke's feet. "I just wish something made sense."

Brooke nodded as she went to lift her feet into Peyton's lap but before she could, there was a light tapping at the door. Brooke looked at Peyton and without speaking, the two girls put their hands into fists and proceeded to play a silent game of rock, paper, scissors. Brooke sighed defeatedly as Peyton covered her rock with paper. She screeched as she quickly stood up and made her way toward the door. She pulled it open and gasped. "Lucas."

Lucas smiled sheepishly at her. It was evident she had just woken up but he didn't care. Her hair was all over the place and she was wearing a pair of pajama shorts and a long sleeve shirt. "Sorry if I came at the wrong time."

"Uh," Brooke glanced behind her and saw Peyton looking at her curiously. She shook off her gaze as she returned to stare at Lucas. "It's alright. What's up?"

Lucas gulped as he scratched the back of his head. "I was wondering if you wanted to get together later."

Brooke bit her lip as she felt the fog come back into her brain. "I actually have the game tonight. I'm a cheerleader now.."

"Oh, that's right." Lucas closed his eyes and shook his head. He had forgotten all about that. He honestly just wanted to see her. "Well, I'll just-." He pointed his thumb behind him. "Get going."

Brooke let out a breath as she shook her head. "I'm free tomorrow. I just have to have dinner with my baller boy- it's a cheerleading thing- before the game and then go to the game and then depending on if they win I have to do all this other stuff- but I'm free tomorrow." Brooke rambled as she looked at him. Her brain was so foggy. All she wanted to do was curl back onto the couch and not have to deal with life or feelings in general.

"Tomorrow then."

Brooke smiled softly. "Tomorrow."

* * *

Haley turned in the mirror as she looked at her cheerleading uniform. It was a long-sleeved white and gray top with light blue Tar Heels across her chest. The skirt matched the top and it sat mid thigh. She grimaced at the small scar that barely peeked out. She let out a breath as she reached behind herself to place her hair halfway up. It was curled down past her shoulders and to top it off, she placed a light blue ribbon in her hair.

After spending some time with Ellie last night, she was slowly coming to terms with the fact that she did have a mother. It was going to take some time but she was feeling some sort of closure, if you could call it that. Clay seemed to accept the facts now too.

She let out a breath as she turned more in the mirror. This time, as she looked back into the mirror she connected her eyes with a pair of piercing blue. She let out a breath as she turned and faced him without the reflection of a mirror. He was in his warm-up suit but the jacket was unzipped so his jersey number seemed to peek out. Twenty-three. It was just a number but she felt more connected to it. She had twenty-three scars on her skin. Twenty-three times she's moved, including the last one to Nathan's apartment. Lastly, she happened to love the boy who was known as twenty-three. When she told him about going to see Ellie, he wasn't thrilled but when she told him about everything she found out, he seemed to be happy that she gained that closure or again, whatever it was. "Are you ready?"

Nathan shrugged as he went to sit on the bed so he could lace up his shoes. He felt nervous but he always did for the first game. He glanced to see Haley standing before him. He let out a shaky breath. "You look amazing."

Haley smiled softly as she shrugged off his compliment shyly. She recently felt so nervous around him. She wasn't exactly sure why she did but she had. His hair was shaved closely to his head but he still looked great. She wasn't even sure how a man could be beautiful but Nathan Scott was a beautiful human-being. "Are you nervous?"

Nathan smiled at her softly as he hesitantly reached out for her hand. He was happy when she grasped it. He pulled her between his legs and sighed at the feel of her against him. He dropped her hand and went to wrap his hands around her waist. He left them there for a moment before he slowly trailed it down to her exposed thigh. He heard her inhale softly and he smirked. "I feel kinda like how you feel right now." He trailed his hand up under her skirt almost hesitantly but was grateful when she didn't push it away. He pulled his hand out and wrapped his arms back around her waist. "I've missed you." He was missing her. Physically and mentally. They had been so busy lately and so hesitant around another that they seemed to act like middle schoolers together.

Haley still felt her skin warm from his previous movements. She swallowed and barely trusted her voice to speak. "I've missed you too."

"Yeah?"

Instead of answering him with words. She slowly leaded forever and connected her lips to his. It started off soft and slow but soon, it became rougher. Nathan started to fall back onto the bed and he pulled her up against him. She moaned into his mouth but just as quickly as it started, there was a loud knock on their door indicating that everyone was leaving for the game. Haley kissed him once more before she stood up and made her way back toward the mirror to fix her hair. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she watched Nathan stand up and stretch. She fixed the bow in her hair as she turned to face him. "You're going to be great."

Nathan smiled softly as he zipped up his warm-up suit. "My dad will probably think differently."

"So what? I think that you'll be great and I-." I love you. She stopped herself and she shook her head. "You'll be great, I promise."

Nathan smiled at her. I love you. He said it in his mind as he looked at her because he did love her but he was too afraid for it to be anywhere but in his brain. He loved her so much that it hurt. He looked at her and took a deep breath. "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything." Haley smiled softly as he came to stand right before her.

"Sure you did." Nathan mumbled as he brought his hand into her hair. He curled a piece around his finger and smiled at her. He let go of her hair and reached for her hand. He brought it toward his chest and held it there. "You're everything to me, Haley."

Haley felt his heart underneath her palm. It was beating so fast that she swore her hand vibrated. She felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked at him. He was looking at her with so much emotion that she felt exposed. Naked even. She felt him squeeze her hand before he dropped it at her side and started to walk out of the room. Before he walked out, she called out to him so he turned back toward her. "I'm proud of you."

She said it like she had spoken it a million times before. It was only four words but it was enough to set his soul on fire.


End file.
